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hits ditch as I skip along marrily
2004-08-26 18:43:55
Heather called me a second ago, and then to top things I had to read Caitlin's journal before writing myself v.v They don't know me, or what my past was like. I went through hell and back, and dispite what heather has gone through she still doesn't understand.
Caitlin doesn't even give me a chance to explain anymore...... She says she wants to know what's going on with me, but mostly just what's going on with Heather and I. Then when I try to explain she finds a reason to yell at me. How could she understand anyway? Her life has been so easy going. Her parents are still together, she hasn't been beaten and mistreated like I have. Then there's my Father.......
Heather tried to dig into that can of worms today. How does she expect me to tell her something I never even told Caitlin.... I've never told anybody about how I really feel about my father leaving me. I mean ya, I've told them about it, but I always made it sound like it never bugged me. Only if they knew, but they never will. That's my pain, and I'll live with it.
And Caitlin, don't judge me without hearing my side of the story. You make me look like some sort of monster, but I remember a day when you knew who I really was. I remember a day when you loved me. So please don't go and act like all I've ever wanted was sex from you, or that I don't care about others, cause your wrong. And the next time you talk shit about me, when you don't know the story to begin with, I will show you a side of me you'll never wish you saw, cause I will come after you.......... -
Weeeeee! Someone new to flirt with ^^
2004-08-26 13:50:17
Wow, things have finally turned around for me. I'm happy, I've been kinda busy, and I just met this girl, but she's from Bath v.v Ohhhhhh well, I'll hopefully get my lisence in a few months, and I'll be able to take her out. She's really cool, and cute ^^ I'll have to find a good pic of her, and show you all. she has a photo album online, but I'll have to find it again @.@ Actually I'll just have to ask her for it again ^^
see, easy ^^ http://members.fotki.com/enchantingazu
Anyway, I'm done writing for the day, I got friends to call, and Jackee to talk to ^^ -
A new beginning from an end
2004-08-25 15:34:54
Joey, and Bakura came over yesterday. Joey came rollin up the drive way in the silver streak ^^ It's her really old pick-up truck. It's crap, and it has one of those wierd pedals for the high beams? Anyway, we kinda sat around and joked around about all the stupid things that have happened resently. It was a nice change to laugh instead of cry when we're on the subject of caitlin. The three of us plan to go play tennis some time soon @.@ I guess I might actually have to get off my lazy ass v.v
My Birthday is on September 25, KICK ASS >< I'll be 17. I gonna have to throw two different parties though. See I have two groups of friends, which don't get along with one another. I've got a basic list of quests for each party, but I have one person I'm a little iffy on inviting. I mean Nate's a really cool kid, but he's Caitlin's boyfriend, and I think it'd be a little wierd if I invite him, and not her. Guess I'll have to think a little bit harder on the subject...... -
I'm done
2004-08-23 21:04:15
I'm done hurting you all, wich is what I seem to be doing. I do not however feel bad about anything I've done, or said. That was how I felt at the time, and still do. I'm going to leave the two of you alone to be happy, while I finally get on with my life. My feelings about you caitlin will never change, but I'm done hurting you. So this is my good bye. You may see me in the hall at school, or at a school dance, but there will be no hello, or smile in your direction. It's better this way. I'm goin back to my friends, and I'll continue on. This way you can too.
as for you Heather, I'm sorry I couldn't be there for you. Things just didn't end in our favor. I'm not sorry for what I've said, because you did cross a line you shouldn't have. So this is good bye to you too. I know you'll find someone who will love you, but it can't be me. I'm not gonna hurt you anymore. -
same ol' shit
2004-08-21 07:27:33
This is part of a song by Korn, called 'make me bad' This song reminded me of all the shit that's happened in my life, and how it always comes back, and it never changes. This is the very same song that helped me through my depression, along with every other song on the 'Issues' CD.
I am watching your eyes,
And follow my salvation.
There's so much shit around me,
Such a lack of compassion.
I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE ALL FUN AND GAMES.
Instead it's all the same.
I want something to do,
Need to feel the sickness, in you.
I feel the reason, as it's leaving me,
No not again.
It's quite deceiving as I'm feeling the flesh,
Make me bad.
JOURNAL: sugoroku
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