JOURNAL: Shadow_Raven (Paul Ratcliff)

  • love sucks 2004-09-06 15:08:06 These days of summer have brought memany things but one thing in perticular i came to love. Amy Flemming the one girl in all the world whofell in love with me at the same time as i fell for her. We were to shy to admit it to eacvh other in fear of scaring or ruining what the other thought was just friendship. When i looked at her and saw her smiling at me i felt like i had the world in the palm of my hand. God did i love her so much we met at a campsite while i was camping with my father and little sister. I saw her on the beach and she stole my breathe and this was a bad thing cause i was playing football and got taken down >.< ouch!. What i did not know was that Amy was camping with one of the poeple playing football and he introduced me but later me and amy would get more aquanted (not sex or making out you horny pervs) . As i learned more about her i became open to her like a book and we read each other yet we each hid something and yet we somewhat knew it at the same time. i knew but i thought it was my imagination trying to trick me i guess she felt the same way. Whenever i was around her i felt like i could do anything and forgot all about the feeling of loneliness and what could i say but i loved being around her. We spent as much time together as we could and enjoyed each others company which is what made it the best. It was only after i got home and called her and told her exactly how i felt about that i learned it was not my imagination she to cared about me and we started a beautiful relationship. Little did we know that after 3 weeks of being together and loving each other her having to be away for 2 weeks would kill us. She got back and i didn't hear a single words from her and i had to end it i cannot love someone and not be with them. after 2 weeks of trying to forget her and getting over her i finally hear from her again and she is apologizing for nbot calling . i am only waiting to see what she thinks we should do from here but i must admit i do miss amy she was my light in a world so dark as my soul 
  • days go by 2004-05-05 09:55:32 as these days roll on i feel close to my dear beloved sara we talked today and it seems she has something she wants to deal with before we go out but at the same time i think why can't we just be together it is dumb i love her and sees knows i love her which is a funny part seeing as her feeling toward me are not yet known i really hate not knowing if she loves me or not i guess i will only have to keep waiting for a day when i will find out 
  • day to day 2004-04-26 15:01:25 as days pass by it seems more and more likely that i am loosing myself in thsi world lost in a daze of the days that past by. i'm doing the best i ever did but at the same time i am loosing everything i am and cherish. over the years much has been taken form me and i blamed everyone for it. now i blame myself everyone needs someone to blame so i looked it in the face and saw it was me all of these years i am the only one who can be blamed for anything. in saying this i find new meaning to hate i hate thyself and always will there is nothing left for me to do but blame myself for what is lost within me i gave up my sanity and humanity for the shadows i look on from them to see everyone walking by without notice of me and those thatdo see me only wish to take from me what i have. 
  • love 2004-04-26 14:52:03 love can be such a quarrel like a war that rages many times you think you win yet you loose and when you set up a guard it can be broken into without notice like an asailant it sneaks up on you and hits you harder then anything you have ever felt before i am a looser in loves games i have fought it off many times and have lost to it many times feeling loves sting can hurt and yet love itself can renew and give life to something that once was dead the more you fight it the stronger it gets and the harder it hits you.

    you can feel so lost in love and not know what to do in that you can also loose and that loe can either be great or be unnoticed i have lost many times and each time i loose my abilities to comprehend what it is that i am feeling toward a person which is the worst thing in the world to loose for there is nothing left when you loose ytour ability to see those around you like i have.

    i am known as shadowraven i am a mere shadow of what i once was there is no coming back from that at all no matter how many days pass i have already been lost and in this i cannot recover there is no fight left in my shell of a bodiment i have been lost to the cusualties of loves war 
Current server time: Sep 13, 2025 03:00:52