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1st day of skool...again
2005-08-15 19:18:17
re-started lbcc today. I'm now in a class that will hopefully help me transfer to a 4-year college and finally get my AA degree. Maybe even help me get a career in the art world! Wouldn't that be neat! I feel super hyper/nervous/manic. I had to walk probably a total of 4 miles for 2 trips to my car, 1 mile each way, becuz that was the only parking left. It was too cloudy to be as hot as it was today! I feel like SHIT! Cottonmouth, pain feet, cracked fingers. Brain on auto fast pilot. I feel like drawing & painting everything, but when I do, I always lose interest after a few hours & move onto something else. Watching a slide show of my new teacher's artworks over the years, most of which I hated, I learned much about myself, quietly, all of which I promptly forgot, like a passing dream. Perhaps the ghost of that personal knowledge stays in my subconcious mind, to help gude me thru myself & my feelings & abilities.
Why is it that when I see a large body of work from another human being, that I feel inspired & hundreds of images run streaming thru my brain, faster than I could ever capture them, that have nothing to do with what I'm looking at, other than a passing resemblence? It's as if every art I look at becomes my unwititing, unknowing muse, giving my the desire & inspiration neccessary to create amazing pieces of my own, but I always miss the time, desire to finish what I start, materials or talent to fully realize the images inside my mind. The closest I ever got was one summer at leadership training camp, instead of listening to the lectures I found boxes of colored markers everywhere & white compter paper free for the taking, and I started drawing every image in my mind, & I was able to perfectly & exactly capture the designs I pictured. I was devastated when my mom accidently threw them away, & regretted not giving them to the other people in the class who asked for them. I gave some away, but not my best stuff, which is now either gone forever or in a landfill forever, destroyed & moistened beyond recoginition.
I wwant togo to a gallery with three empty sktech pads & charcoal & pastels & sits & take off my boots & sit with bare feet & a sketch pad on my lap & draw & draw & draw, a page a second, as fast as my hand can make marks, & draw everything thhe images before me cause me to see. I never see any hidden meaning, I bleieve that if you cant evjoy something for its face value alone you are missing out on something very important. I like obvious symbolic colors & images in my own work so it's not too hard to figure out - black is evil, white is good, brite colors are energetic or happy, cool colors are sad or calm. I like red and black mixed together roughly. Maybe that means I have an angry soul. I like fire. It's wild and untamed like me, but also can be captured on a small scale. I like bonfires & forest fires. I like to watch them on tv. I ike to watch them up close. I want to see that destructuion. I want to be neasr the danger without fear. I have no fear of death, at least not by fire. That either means I'm brave or crazy or both. Perhaps being bracve means being a little crazy too. Maybe all firefighters are all just crazy daredevils who need to be near the intenstity f danger on the brink of death, or perpahas they are all just calm heros who feel a need to save and resuce others.
A part of me needs and loves chaos, the part that loves the sex pistols and x-ray spex & all 80s punk music & even somethin like bounding sould or even jackass, ven tho jackass is manufactured by mtv to seem real even tho the characters on the show like steve-o are actors like every other paid actor and given scripts. I bet if a person like bam margera really exsted, he would be in a loony bin for sure. I dont understand how viva la bam is marketed as reality when it is clear to me that the show is very calculated and scripted, and I'm sure his parents are well ocmpnsated enough that they dont mind in the least if their house gets desturpyed.
Several of my teachetrs painting were ones she dident like, but I liked those the best. Maybe her dislkkike of the wowrksd somehowew carried thru into them, making the anguish of the people who she painted come through that much more. They had vibrant colors & I could almost see them moving and alive as animated movies or segments, I would like to mnae a bunch of paintings like that on glass and make a movie of my own with my own art as th it was real. I am going to try and make some movies of my own this semeter. Film Production was closed, but I am going to petetion the intro to film class later tonight. It's a lecture, and I hate sitting, I'd rather be dong somthnjg with my hannds, scupltuing or driving or painting or typing or cooking or puching buttons. I can handle a sitiing class. I find interesting people to sit next to and talk to them the entire tiime or daydream. I like to daydream, but the things I daydream about when I;m lrearmning about art are usually art works I'd llike to make myself, but they are so elaborate theres never enough time, so I forget tham and watch anime. I'd like to photograph the sky on a nice day. When I look at scenes of nature, I think to myself how there is no way I could improve on the perfection of something proistine and naturakl, when it's untouched by human hands. I hate nature when it;s confined, what I relaized about another thing I hate about California is the parking lots, they arre full of palm trees, because people expect to see palm trees when they come to California, but the palm trees didn't growe there, they were planted there by landscapers, an the only natural landscapes ere are created & manufactured into someones idea of what reality is. I want to go someplace beautiful, someplace like europe, and see the world as it was oroigninally, before humans came and planted plants in places where there were no planys before. I wonder if California had any palm trees at all before people started to bring them here. Now when I think of palm treeas I think how cheesey they are, and how much of a stereotype, without any real significance other than to appear in a snwglobe in a pixar film (lthe short film before finding nemo).
I hate pollution. Humans spend hundreds of years destroying their home, and all I can think of to respond to tht is a quote from guitar world magazine years ago
"Don't shit where you eat."
Take a moment to think and reflect upon thart. Animals crap in the corner, but a human would just crap all over itdelff and not think twice. When a factory dumps toxic or abrasive chemicals into a river, the foam in that river doesnt just harm thatr river and stop. Rivers go somewhere, like a lake, a resevoir, or ultimately to the ocean, hraming animals, plants, people and the ecosystem as they go, if they arre polluted. When I heard on the news about all the dead fish washing up on the beach in the gulf of mexico, the first thing I thought of was the movie "the 7th sign", which is about the end of the world as interpreted from the book of revelations, in modern times. I'm no longer a religious person, but that moment made me pause. I decided that even If I dont believe in a biblical style apocloayple, that doesnt mean that human beings arent capable of destroying themselves. I worry that people have harmed the planet so much that there is no going back. In that case, the only thing left to do is sit back and try to enjoy what time we have left. It was never reported on tv that I saw or heard of, but that astronaught Sally Collins or something like that said that from space she could see the effects of global warming, thee polar ice caps are almost gone, and there ois hardly any air left. I am not quite sure what that last statement means, whether it refers to the inoisphere (the outermost layer of the earth's atmosphere) or the ozone layer, but I do know enough to know that it is in no way good. I like to think that people care enogh about surving as a species that they will start conserving the resources left and try to live in harmony and a symbitoic relationship with nature, but I have a bad feeling that the anti-environment republicans are trying to send people to mars as a way to get more resources (rocks, etc.) to consume hen the ones here on earth are gone. I hope the new pope will decide to support birth control, becuase I beileve that families that have too many children are contiributing to overpopulation, and we need to have slower growth of the total population so we can develop a plan to support all the people on earth in such a way that it does not harm the planet.
I wish the united nations would consider changing the legistlature on its trade regulations to africa. I dont begin to understand world economics, I believe it is also called macroeconomics, since I have not had one economics coursee in my lifetime, but I believ that when legistalture is changed, it works more effevtively at solving problems than simply throwing money at them. The "teach a man to fish, he will be fed for a lifetime vs. give a man a fish and he wil be fed for a day principle."
I;m done. On to waste valuable time at neopets. Dont go to neopets, the admin doesnot care if people steal your account & are only thre to make a buck & will spit in your face electronically if you ask them for hep. Esp. Raven, I hate her. -
666 ops
2005-08-14 15:27:59
I'm officially going to amv hell.....which is a good video, btw.
My news? I finally watched the ORIGINAL "Night of the Living Dead." What it lacked in a special effects budget it more than made up for in an excellent script & believeable actors. (Ok, I know the word b4 actors is misspelled, but I can't be bothered to look up the correct spelling.) My only complaint is I don't get whether or not the fact that the zombies were caused by space radiation was supposed to be some kind of parallel to an event happening at the time the movie was made, or just a quick attempt at a reason for the zombies. I'm guessing it was a metaphor for the cold war, but I'm probably reading too much into it (and a couple decades off. I'm no history buff, that's for sure.) -
manfaye
2005-08-13 00:40:33
I haven't been to his site in a while. It hurts to look, but I can't look away.
http://www.cosplayuniverse.com/cosplay/manfaye/gallery/1/page1.html
Good for a few gut laffs. -
george romero trilogy
2005-08-09 23:22:55
Just finished "Day of the Dead". The "Night of the Living Dead" I saw was a remake, still need to see the original. Also saw the original "Daen of the Dead". It was more of a comedy than a horror film, not scary at all. In the final of the 3, the humans are scarier than the zombies with the way they treat each other. Goo see it, it's great! Awesome special effects.
Can't wait til "Land of the Dead" comes to the video store.
Hits: 580. Wonder if that's a lot... -
thoughts on cencership, specific to movies
2005-08-09 00:05:39
If I go see a violent movie, I want to see a violent movie. Things should not be held back or not shown. I saw Saw, and was massively dissapointed by how tame & watered down it was. I am an adult, not a child, and I can handle violent & disturbing imagery. Movie studios have no right to put films beforre test audiences before releasing them. If every movie appeals to every person, what kind of statement does that make about how our country places its values dealing with artistic expression versus making money? Movies today are shown with an "R" rating, meaning they are deemed suitable for the whole family by a little room of MPAA standards people. Every movie should not be shown to every person. Why do we live in a pseudo-Disnified world? Because to big movie studios, every person should be able to see every movie, so that every person can pay them $10. I'm not sorry to say this: not every person is under the age of 17. Popular culture should have as many different dimensions as the people it is marketed to, and yet it is marginalized to be suitable for children & teens, a way of pushing family values onto us all. Do family values sell more than real values? Values like integrity, personal expression, annd a desire to show the world as one sees it, in all its ugliness & pain, rather than as one's financier would have one show it? I wonder when the day will come, if ever, when uncensored films will be shown on movie screens, and not just on the "Xtreme unrated" dvds.
Sabrina, out.
JOURNAL: Alternababe (Sabrina )
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