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self-entertainment
2005-10-21 18:46:05
SInce I dont always have school, when I'm not painting, I've been spending my free time reading 2 webcomics & listening to iTunes. The wedcomics I've enjoyed are "Chopping Block", which I havent read in a few years, and "Zap in Space," which I discovered by clicking a banner on the "Chopping Block" site. Chopping Block is about the comic misadventures of a serial killer in a hockey mask named Butch. If that guy was real, and less fat, I'd do him. Nah. The other comic is about this idiot psychic who stows away aboard a spacce ship. It's set in the future, where earth has become a dictatorship over other worlds. Basically, it's a lot like the various Gundam series. I hate the character of Zap, he reminds me of this super annoying guy I used to know in middle school, Zach (pronounced Zak) Akers. I think that's how his name is spelled. Zap even looks like him! Zach was the only guy I've ever known to dye his hair platinum blond. He never had roots, either, so it looked like that was his natural hair color (I think it was just regular blond.) Zach used to hit on the 12-year-old me all the time. We were in the same grade, but it was stil creepy. He would call me "Sabrina-baby." It was cute the 1st time. So glad middle school is years away.
So bored, can't wait to go to a movie tonight. There is a film shoot of some kind down the street from me. I dont live in the best neighborhood, so it's not going to be anything important, like with movie stars or anything, but I'm still curious as to who is there & what they're doing. I live in Southern California, in LA county, so I'm pretty used to seeing those things, but I'm always still curious. Perhaps someday I'll be sitting in the director's chair. I won't actually be sitting, tho. I prefer to stand & move around a lot. -
"take a walk with your sister the moon"
2005-10-14 16:59:48
Thats the U2 lyric I'm currently lstening to. From "she moves in mysterious ways." The more I hear of the KMFDM version, the more I like it. Wonder if the members of KMFDM listen to U2, or were going for a "totally lame-George Micheal LimpBiizkit" thing.
wondering who all the peoples are who read my journal. Who are you? Where do you come from? I am...interesting? PM me if you want. -
i LOVE alcohol
2005-10-13 23:35:50
Having rediscovered the delicious & amazing pleasures of the bottle after a hiatus due to illness, I have come tp the conclusion that AA is the devil! Seriously, they keep people from the greatest pleasure in life that you can get by yourself.,
I bought a 1 pint bottle of my favorte beer-type-drink, Arrogant Bastard Ale. It's brewed locally, in San Diego (must-----visit-----brewery). I'm tisy rite now, on Missippi Mud. That stuff tastes just like I imagine the Mississippi river would, should I ever be incluned to take a drink from it. I used to live there, annd I would not. It's not especially poluted, but very brown from a lrage ammount of silt.
God I love being drunk! Everything fllows so smoothly, and everyone yelling at me is erased and quickly forgotten. On the bottle it says "hated by many, loved by few." At first I thought it meant me, then I realizred it reffered to itself, but hey, who cares? Thats the good shit. -
bad morning
2005-10-13 00:52:58
woke up to depression, of the suicidal variety. Managed to paint for 2-3 hours in my class (no teacher, yay). I thought about the art I would actually like to make, funerary statuary, which I will attempt to make in my spare time (ha!). I sometimes can't take how different I am from every other human being on the planet. Even my mom said "You're not very feminine or even...human." I wish there was someplace I could go where I could fit iin, but I have learned through the expierience of my life that there will never be a place like that, at least until I can learn to act more like a human.
After talking to an acquaintance of mine, I felt a little less like taking a handgun to myself. It's weird how easily & quickly my emotions can be changed. That's why I haven't offed myself in the past, even though I was in a great deal of pain. I wont ever do that unless I feel as powerless as I have in the past. It's not worth living this life if I feel I have zero control. My scariest nightmares all deal with this, usually with themes of drowning, being unable to open my eyes, paralysis, etc.
Will I ever feel successfull? Will I ever find that someone special just for me (no.) Will I ever have acomplishments that I feel outweigh my failures? Only time will tell.
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On a happier note, I saw a band play on campus, udora. They are from Brazil & very good looking. I commented to the drummer that he wasn't playing the drums, he was fucking them. Ine of their guitarists may have thought I was cute. I hope so, cuz I thought he was very good looking. I so hope to get a date with one of them. I don't care which one, I need affection. I plan to go see them at a few of their upcoming shows, each a new opportunity for flirting & loud music (both good). Wish me luck, all your cyberspace-going voyeuers! (I'm gonna need it.) - losing my mind 2005-10-09 22:29:04 I HATE my house. I HATE it. I can't take living in it any more. It's a tiny dirty box. It was unlivable before, but now that we have people working on it, and we lost the only storage space, a small closet, the house is filled with stuff. Just crap that no one ever really knows what to do with, but that you can't throw away. A good example would be my old textbooks. I have no use for them, but I can't just recycle something I payed hundreds of dollars for (I no longer buy textbooks, even when they are a requirement). There's no where to put anything, everything is covered in filth, and I cant even clean bacause I cant get to the dirty shit, because it's blocked by other shit. I hate this. I stayed in a hotel the other night to get away, and the a/c in the hotel didnt even work. My life is a nightmare....then I remembered: I have a coping skill. Just one, but it works. Alcohol. That's right. I quit drinking when I got sick, but I now realize the reason I'm so sick is because I live in garbage. Thank god for alcohol, otherwise, I'd just jump the fuck off the new roof to escape this hellhole.
JOURNAL: Alternababe (Sabrina )
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