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1546 hits
2006-03-01 17:59:06
I feel like an ultra-mega-mega bitch today. I'm just pissed off at everybody & everything. *sigh*
Yesterday I missed Mardi Gras, went to Huntington Beach instead for lunch. wow.
Does anyone know a FREE clip creator program? I've been using clip creator 2.1.2 for Mac, but it quit working. I shut down the computer, re-installed it, deleted it, installed, switched to 1.6, which wont create clips at all. I cant make amvs without something that splits mov files into smaller pieces. -
blah
2006-03-01 03:30:35
I got a new pet tpday, a dragonfly I have named "Lindy", on account of that it keeps doing the Lindy shuffle whenever its plastic container is tilted. I've been trying my level best to keep it on the level *bad pun police arrive & arrest me*.
Mexicanjunior & Sub0 - Have I offended you in some way? I havent checked my pm nbox today, but you havent pm'd me in forever. What's up with that? *sad* - I've come undone.... 2006-02-28 01:17:50 At some point, I realized that all my life, every day, every month, every year, has been wasted. I dont want any of it, if I had to choose to keep it. I've spent 23 years in my room, altho the room itself has changed. I'm never reallly in those rooms, tho. I'm reading, or watching movies, or listening to music, and I'm somewhere else. Sometimes I just stare into space, and I imagine a different existence for myself, wherre I am successful, and happy, and free, and loved. An existence no one can promise to me, one that may or may not come true. I try so hard to make a change in my life, only to have everything blow apart on me. All I was told are lies, and the liars never own up to the truth they were hiding from themselves. I am hurting, and there is no one convient to blame. I dont feel the pain like I used to, when it was made painfully aware to me by those who wished for my suffering, and took pleasure from it. my life seems to be going so well, it makes me a little sick. Where is my freedom? And why am I still living like a teenager? If I am ill equipped to live among people in this world, WHY WAS I BORN, DAMMIT!??!! If I am so stupid that I cant tell the difference between fantaasy and reality, then I have no incentive to continue to exist. Today I watched a movie about Bakate (It is spelled Basquait, I pronounce it Baskwait. Neither is correct.) As the movie wenty on & on, I get ideas for artworks, as I always do, and I realized once again that they would be so dirivitive of his works ,and everyone would be able to see it but me. There was a window in the movie. I thought about how I've always wanted wings, bird wings attached to my back, so perfect. Then I could fly, free & unsupported by the ones I've come to be a parasite to. And if I cant have my wings, then I want to fly, and I dont care if it's really falling, not flying at all.
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hello, hello, hello, is there anybody out there...
2006-02-25 22:04:50
It's weird here. I feel like I'm in a small black bubble, without anyone else here. One of my cats, Hildy, keeps walking up to me. I think her "daddy/boyfriend," Buster, got outside somehow.
*mom comes in*
Aparently, my mom can hear me typing from outside (our house has VERY thin walls). I really hope Scott doesnt realize we're home if he comes by. I just dont know anymore...
The song that best reflects my mood, for a long time now has been "Heroin" by the Velvet Underground.
"And I guess that I just don't know.
And I guess that I just don't know." -
project "evict Scott" in full swing...
2006-02-25 21:41:25
ATM, I'm at home, with the light & music off, waiting for my mom's evil boyfriend, Scott, to come home for his shit. I parked my car on a different street, so hopefully he won't know I'm home. If you can't get a clear picture of the mood, think of the moments in "U-571" when they had to maintain absolute silence to the submarine would not show up on the radar of the boat that was hitting them with depth charges. I'm a little nervous, but not as scared as I have been in the best dealing with him.
We had a locksmith come & redo every lock in the house, and all the doors & windows are locked, and we put padlocks on the front gate & garage, so unless he throws a crowbar thru the plate glass window in the front room, or climbs over the gate, into the backyard, and throws a crowbar thru the sliding glass door in the back room, he's not getting in. I have a feeling that he will see my mom watching for him in the front room if he comes home tonight, and my mom will engage him in conversation, which will then get very ugly. I stayed in a hotel room last night, tonight it's HIS turn. I should have bought a gun last week like I planned....anyway, when the police were over earlier, they said to call them & they would come, and they sounded like they meant it. Sometimes, Scott would break shit & scream & threaten my mom & me, so we would go into my room & lock the door & call the cops, but they wouldn't show up. I hope he brings back the phone & my external hard drive that he took, picks up all his shit, and never comes back.
JOURNAL: Alternababe (Sabrina )
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