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1743 hits
2006-03-21 00:23:35
Well, I got my first film project in, albeit a week late. Not like I was the only person to turn it in today...anyway, turned out pretty good.
Here's a link:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=LSPL5vvjSCs
It's streaming. Mostly it's just me & my friends & my mom & my cat & my friend's cat. I'm the first person in the video, and the person in the up close shots near the end. -
dont drink and posst....
2006-03-20 02:39:43
omg, when I wrote that last journal entry, everyone was all worried about me. I did hurt really bad. I remember crying on the floor at midnight....sometimes nights are harder than days, because when you have insomnia, and the people around you are asleep, it means that you are alone. Even if it's just for a second, it can feel like eternity.
I threw up white foam all day, probably from the generic motion sickness pills I took, which are white. I ran out of drammine, and that's the only thing that works for me. At some points, I couldnt tell whether my stomach or my heart hurt more.
I spent about 3 hours feelng really nauseated, then a few hours droswy and out of it. It felt better to feel a little out of it, because the saddness went away along with the sickness. I wasnt aware enough to drive, so my mom drove me to a hill in Long Beach where I could shoot the remaining shots for my film class.
I found out something really gross about that Mexican artist Frida. I knew she was bed-ridden a lot, but I never knew why. Turns out she was in a terrible bus accident when she was about 19, and a rail went thru her vagina and destroyed her uterus. That is probably the most painful thing I can imagine to happen to a woman. I'm really glad nothing bad like that has ever happened to me. I feel bad for her, tho.
Right before I went to bed, I wanted to watch some anime. I re-watched the Air movie. It's creepy how similar the plot of it is to my day today, 'cept the part about the wings ;) - mty journal 2006-03-19 03:44:55 I VE BEEN CRUINF MN THW FLOOW FDFOR ABOUR AN GUOUR ,,EVERYTINES NICUBT FUO BEDIEE U CAB TEO UT,,,FWWK SI EWEURD,,,SI DUSCIBBE FRW,,,SI AOUBF,,,,crying on the floor for an gour .....i need a friend,,,soemone to hold me...hirting so much insidelllcant anyone ceen......nostrils clogged wotj mucis....cant brraeathe right....hust s0 musk.....foes it hurt like this for veryone,,,just want dusty ro messhae me....want to knoe the one i need needs me,,cares about mee...want mommiue,,,want hug,,,want not be alone....geel isolayrdf....feel like lain, all alone...always alone...wjere is jasszia...neefr her nwws nor not be alone,,,not mucus.....not vomit later/////hurt so muxh....geel alonw....isollarws....hurting...need friends so much....paim////pvertyske/////
- hurt so much insidde 2006-03-19 02:54:42 feel so d a...prentent stool is a person and hold iit...world spinning, slowly...turning...just want a hug ,,,,feel s sad,,,,so much pain//////dying from te inside out.....i want ahug so much....i want someone to hole me...why am i writing this...cring....crying now......i just want dusty to hold me, but he wont.......crying again.....hurting....iu feel bnad....feel pain....why does the alcoho do this? it should make everthing better.....i just want t o see dusty again....want ti hold someine again...crying again...my cat is here. she is liv=ckugng herself...i will pet her soon../...god, i cxcan barely typr....i ccan berely hole myself up.....i feel tears on my face....
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1653 hits
2006-03-18 23:04:57
alternababe.....tired.
Made space in savebox...
Shopped for groceries @ Trader Joes. Guy I though was cute, avoided me. I shouldnt have mentioned to the checker girl that I thought he was cute. I dont know why he is acting weird, he always flirted with me when I was there...:(
Art project...unstarted.
My friends from my film class....are no longer speaking to me. I think it has something to do with the fact that I had a crush on my friend Chris, who did not feel remotely the same, He got a girlfriend, and I was mad and sullen when I went over last Friday or Saturday to work on his film project. He hasnt called me since.
My other friend, Brian, had a crush on me, even tho I thought of him as just a friend. (He's a little tubby, and I prefer....more svelte...guys.) I think he was hurt when I told him about my little sexual adventure last Saturday, because probably lots of girls want him to be their "good friend, not boyfriend." Or he might be mad because I forgot to tell hm to call this guy about a job, and he got yelled at by the guy. Oh, fuck.
And my friend Erica is acting weird because I blurted out something to her that I suppose was a bit more graphic than she felt comfortable talking about. I was really hoping to talk to her, because she's about 10 years older than me, and really cool, and I guess I needed girl talk after doing the nasty for the first time.
The guy, Dusty, hasnt called/messaged in a week, so I guess he got what he wanted, and doesnt want any more from me. I did kinda tell him I didnt want a boyfriend, and a part of me needs my freedom, but I 'd like to see him again. Maybe I did change my mind...It's weird, because 50% of the time, it's like I could go the rest of my life without seeing him and be fine, but the other 50%, there's this nagging feeling, just like a fly, in the back of my mind, and I;m not sure what the feeling means, like do I feel something for him, like an attachment, or affection, or what?
I spent what felt like all of yesterday running around, first looking for supplies for my art project, which is to construct an object 3x, then cover it in 3 differernt textures. I chose a wedding cake, because it has an ironic symbolism in my life right now. Problem is, I hae no idea how to construct that.
The other half of the day was spent with my mom downtown, looking for a counseler's office. Downtown is really confusing, and we made a wrong turn, and spent like 15 minutes in the rain wandering from building to building, finally finding the place. According to the counseller, my mom no longer has any say about how I live my life, even tho she thinks I;m totally reckless and I'm going to get myself killed. I've been really depressed ever since then, because I feel like all the people I counted on abandoned me. I just feel really lonely....thank god for the people on the org, cuz without katie & ben & mexicanjunior, I'd feel really isolated :]
JOURNAL: Alternababe (Sabrina )
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