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ill at ease CONT. from below
2003-08-01 23:02:45
I really need to proofread the shit i type. I mixed so much up in there. Even let a few words out here and there.
oh well.
not like anyone on this site would really give a damn. I just needed a place to type it. -
ill at ease
2003-08-01 22:45:43
I went to play DDR again today, and to see if that girl was working. Sure enough she was.
I was lucky enough to find an opportunity to talk to her alone, without being in the middle of a giant arcade with tons of ppl on all sides. I asked her for her name; found out it was Jessica. Simply put, she accepted my offer to see a movie.
<cause for ill at ease starts here>
She wanted to know my age. Fair enough. Told her I was 20. ....probably should have said just turned 20. She was startled saying she though I was much younger.
I had to return the question. She told me to guess. I reluctantly guess that she was 19. She told me that everyone thinks that but that she's only really 17.
</cause>
We talked a bit longer, about school and what not. Found out she doesn't have a boyfriend and the she takes PSEO classes at the college i goto and will actually be going there in a year. Also that she was working til close this night. I mention to her that I was really expecting her to accept my offer and hadn't really made any plans for when or where to catch the show. Just then the manager calls her over to the main counter. I let her know that I would be there til close and head off to stop disturbing her work.
/// 3 hours later ///
They close, I hadn't talked to her since the first time. I leave the arcade, since I have to just being a customer and all. I pull my car up front so I would be sure to catch her on the way out. I was sitting on the back of my card, listening to music, looking up at the night sky. After about twenty minutes, the manager on the loud phone yells out telling the person in the red car (me) to move it now and that he wasn't kidding. I just think oh dammit and leave.
Now there are two basic possibilities that could have occured. The first, while looking at the sky, her parents came to pick her up (she got in an accident a while back and the car was totalled) and I missed her b/c I was looking up and didn't hear her come out b/c of the music, which wasn't that loud. I did see a red van pull in and then leave shortly later so I think that this is a good possibility. The other, with no fact supporting it, is that she was afraid to leave the building, scared that I would attack her or something, and got the guy in charge to tell me to leave. I really highly doubt this but the thought did cross my mind.
I came to a possible conclusion which I am not really enjoying thinking of, hence making feel ill at ease. I fear that she might have become with the idea of joining me for a movie after hearing that I'm 20 when she thought I was 18 or younger or whatever. Because of this she decides not to come over to talk to me when leaving that night; leaving me there, sitting on the back of my car, clueless.
i only start to think this because I basically left the decision of whether or not to talk to me after they closed to her - she can come over and say something, or just leave.
What makes this so much worse is that I didn't get her number, email, when she's working next or anything! All b/c that manager cut the conversation off.
Im just hoping she'll be there tomorrow. Maybe then this worry which has been cast upon me will go away.
I hope it works out, atleast for now. I've been wanting to ask her out for almost 2 months now... and then it starts like this.
Listening to: "I Can See" by Alice Deejay - 2003-08-01 00:32:59 i think i got hooked on trance music.
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i lost all confidence in myself today
2003-07-31 01:08:22
I was planning on actually asking this one girl out today.
She works at the arcade where I normally go to play Dance Dance Revolution. Actually I have been intending to for a good two weeks now. Its just that I have no idea when she works and they have an ass load of employees. So I get to the arcade and at first I dont think she's working that night. Then, when buying some tokens, I'm quickly shocked into realizing I'm wrong and she's there. I decide to head on over to the DDR machine at first anyway. I quickly see the perfect opportunity and start to head over to her. I stop mid way. I wanted to ask her, I really did. I just couldn't. There was just something holding me back. I realized that it was the surroundings/all the other ppl, including a few ppl I know and converse with regularly there (I have social anxiety, causing me to feel uncomfortable in large groups). If it were only herself and I, no one else there at all, I could easily ask her. The only problem is that this type of situation will not occur in a fucking arcade....
needless to say I quickly lost all confidence in myself after she got off work and left, moments later. I tried to play DDR but it just wasn't happening. I kept finding myself just stopping, letting the song fail. I must have wasted a good bit of cash.
gah! I'm rambling. .......tired. must sleep. there's always another day; even if I convince myself else wise.
Listening to: "Other side of things" by 311 -
Finished watching G Gundam
2003-07-30 18:01:19
I figured that since I had it on DVD I might as well watch it.
It was pretty good in my opinion. I liked it much more than Gundam Wing for sure.
Still think Gundam X is a bit better though.....
Listening to: "Will I Ever fall in love" by Alice Deejay
JOURNAL: grayplague (Steve )
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