Alright, now to state my opinion (after Misty's long and chemical induced
"rant")...
This will all be based less on biology and more on psychology and philosophy because it's what I'm good at. And it'll be a good warm up for this philosophy paper I'm supposed to write.
Recently, that Dream thread got me thinking about my future as I have thought about several times before. I narrowed it down to two simple factors: being able to write and travel... and to share life with someone I love. But what do I mean when I say someone I can love?
There was, until about a month ago, a girl in my life whom I though I could spend my life with. I was a big poety writer, partly because I could do it well and partly because I had a lot of spare time. So, when the time came, I wrote her a poem expressing my feelings for her. She decided to distance herself from me. Obviously, she thought differently about me and it was a tough process trying to break away from her. She caused me a lot of pain and I probably caused her equal amounts but for different reasons. Now, she's in love with this guy she met over the net (I don't want to get into net relationships again) and I can feel a little happy for her. As for me, I think I've decided to avoid relationships for a while. I'm not the type of person that can be a bachelor for life... I don't know too many people that can.
Now, my belief as to why I "loved" her is that I was looking for someone to confide in. I was looking for someone to share thoughts and feelings with, and to have similar thoughts and feelings returned. She and I thought very similarly and she was very intelligent, something I value highly. We always had a great time together, too. It just seemed right that we should be together. She also wanted to be a journalist, like me.
Something else that I may have not put enough thought into at the time was that I had lived single all my life. I'd never had a girlfriend, so obviously, when one came along that seemed mildly interested in me, I didn't want to lose that. I did, very adeptly. Regardless, I've learned from that. I'm not sure it's a good thing anymore, because I'm not likely to try to involve myself with anyone any time soon. Anyway, that's not too important for this.
The human mind is a thing that is always changing and yet is static. Ideals, desires, aspirations, even talents come and go; change and evolve; appear and disappear. But if there is one thing that doesn't change, it's the idea of companionship.
To step away from the biology of love, I'll define it here...
Love: A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness.
Obviously, that definition is not entirely accurate and leaves a lot for interpretation. But it suits my purpose.
We are told that we are unique. We're told that life's a bitch. We know that life is often lonely. Loneliness is one of the most potently horribly and depressing feelings humans can experience. Even with others around us (loved ones, family members, friends, peers), we can be lonely if there's not one person for us to love (as in man-woman love). When loneliness takes over a mind, philosophical questions come to mind. We question identity and esixtence, two of the most dangerous questions and essentially meaningless.
The question of identity is an interesting one for love to invoke. Why should our identity be based on something extrinsic? The answer is that love often involves a refocus of values or a restructuring of character. Suddenly, some things don't matter nearly as much as they used to. It could drive someone into depression or inspiration. But the question of existence is even more interesting.
Existential angst often results from being denied love. We wonder what our purpose is. Why are we here if only to suffer the pangs of love? We lose a sense of the other things in life that are so important; friends, family, education, fulfillment of values, career.
"Love" is a powerful emotion, I won't argue that. But it's only powerful because it often overrides logic.
I also do know about oxytocin and do accept that chemicals are the prime component of "love." But I wanted to express my slightly different views.
