My (started) FanFic. Should I continue?

[gundamzuki]

I may be glad to have a supporter, but that still leaves me out to dry when it comes to what I might be doing wrong. Plus, you don't have to know the series to read a fanfic. A good fanfic would not require you to need to. It should fill itself nicely without other sources. Now, if you continue to bug me about what i did wrong on the forum and not in my fic, i shall ignore you for the next fifteen minutes and maybe even put a rant about you in my "all about me" thread (but i doubt it).

[Warpwind]

Okay you want some critism, here you go...

First off you are writing in 1st person which is easily one of the most difficult writing style to pull off since everything has to be a thought of that character. It would be much easier to write, oh what is it called... 3rd person omniscent so then you can delve into different characters thoughts as well and flesh out the situation a bit more.

There is little description of the situation or what is going on. There is not much in the way of character description personality wise or what they look like. It feels a bit like you jumped into the middle of a story rather than just starting one off.

I've never seen any gundam (bar SEED) and I have no idea what's going on. I have no emotional investment in the characters and no real reason to feel interested in them. Given this seems to be just the start of the fic but it's really good to get people interested early on.

Basically it just needs a bit more fleshing out.

Now I hope you haven't taken this the wrong way and if it makes you feel any better my stories are probably just as bad. Keep in mind I don't read fanfic either.
I'd say write some original fiction that way you can get used to giving your characters more definition rather than reling on what already exists.

[Arigatomina]

Constructive criticism?

Okay, it's in first person. I hate to read fics that are in first person, and most people I know have trouble getting feedback for fics that are in first person. I've made a fic that had the first 3 parts in first person (journal entries) and it received next to no feedback until I switched to third person. My suggestion - avoid first person in fanfics, it makes it harder to write since you have to really get into the mind of the character speaking, and people don't read them as often.

Quotation - if you have a long paragraph with the same person speaking, try to break from the flow a little so it doesn't drag out. Describe what the person is doing as he speaks, if he suddenly talks to someone else, make a note that the other person entered the room or that the speaker looked at him - something to keep it from sounding like a monologue. It'll make the fic longer, but more details can keep the dialogue sounding fresh.

Characters - I haven't seen this anime, and I don't know who's talking or what the people look like. Tell me more about these people, if someone enters the room and the narrator looks at him, what does he see? If they're in the dark, what are they thinking? Who is the narrator sitting by? Is he sitting? He could be standing on his head and I wouldn't know. Describe the character actions more and it will bring the scene to life.

This is really relying heavily on dialogue at this point. I know, it's just an excerpt, but I can't see what's happening at all - I can hear it from the dialogue, but I have no grasp of the characters who are speaking, or even the narrator who's telling the story. Where are they? What does the room look like with the light on? And in the dark? Are there windows or anything to let cracks of light in?

Nice general advice - show me, don't tell me. Dialogue is good for telling and it lets you get the voice of the character who's speaking. But for me to see the scene and people in the fic, I'll need to know what it looks like as well.

[NOTE: Just trying to be helpful. ^_~ If I knew this anime, I would have said more.]

[gundamzuki]

to both Warpwind and Arigatomyna,

that is specifically the sort of responce i had been looking for. Thank you both. you have been very helpfull. Oh, and i don't expect you to know the series and was hoping to write it in such a way as you wouldn't need to. With the exception of Gato, no major charactors for any anime have been seen. (and i intend Gato simply as a cameo of sorts) anyways, i must thank you both once again. but i suppose i should take Sarah's advice and post this to some fanfic site for review.

[madmallard]

Someone said, “We trust you Capt.” and everyone nodded in agreement.

Don't type anticipated speech before the quotation. Don't type in speech as any form of abbreviation. Don't use run-on sentences. Use correct punctuation.

"We trust you, Captain," someone said. Everyone nodded in agreement.

Whispered voices. “You up yet? Come on!” “Hey, check John.” “Where’s Keith?” A flash of light plays across my eyes and I blink.

Break up into paragraphs and type in prose, or script it out like a play. Don't try to do both.

I quickly get up and dressed. When Capt. had something up his sleeve, it was usually worth getting involved in. He addressed us when we were all gathered.

Type in one time tense and stick with it. Either Past or present- progressive.

I quickly get up, or got up? the rest of the paragraph is in past tense, but the first part of the whole story is in present progressive.

“Listen up! Every day for the past twelve months, and that’s 12 months to the ...

Spell out numbers always, unless longer than four digits.

has been “barrowing” small bits

Borrowing. Don't trust the spellchecker.

goes up!” he loosed a mischievous

Loosed? Check your English.

place at 14:00 hours. Be

Military time is typically typed out WITHOUT a colon. 1400.



Re-read your story, decide to use Past tense words, like said, did, checked, reached, ran. . . .or present tense, saying,does, checks, reaches, running/run.

Plus, you don't have to know the series to read a fanfic. A good fanfic would not require you to need to. It should fill itself nicely without other sources.

and yes, you do need to know a series to read a fanfic from it. If you don't know the series, you might as well go read original fiction. The point of fanfiction, for both author and writer, is that a story already exists. You have a reference point of characters or situations to draw from as a writer and as a reader. If you don't draw from that, reading fanfiction is pointless. It simply becomes fiction at that point and looses any draw that fanfiction might've given it to a fan of the series it's based from. Don't fool yourself into believing any of that 'if its a good story anyways' crap. if that were true, you'd be -writing- original fiction of your own with new characters and situations. Warp's words here are your proof:

I've never seen any gundam (bar SEED) and I have no idea what's going on. I have no emotional investment in the characters and no real reason to feel interested in them. Given this seems to be just the start of the fic but it's really good to get people interested early on.

without knowing the series, what other vested interest do you expect your reader to have in reading your fanfiction? Literary curiosity?

[Warpwind]

Plus, you don't have to know the series to read a fanfic. A good fanfic would not require you to need to. It should fill itself nicely without other sources.

and yes, you do need to know a series to read a fanfic from it. If you don't know the series, you might as well go read original fiction. The point of fanfiction, for both author and writer, is that a story already exists. You have a reference point of characters or situations to draw from as a writer and as a reader. If you don't draw from that, reading fanfiction is pointless. It simply becomes fiction at that point and looses any draw that fanfiction might've given it to a fan of the series it's based from. Don't fool yourself into believing any of that 'if its a good story anyways' crap. if that were true, you'd be -writing- original fiction of your own with new characters and situations. Warp's words here are your proof:

I've never seen any gundam (bar SEED) and I have no idea what's going on. I have no emotional investment in the characters and no real reason to feel interested in them. Given this seems to be just the start of the fic but it's really good to get people interested early on.

without knowing the series, what other vested interest do you expect your reader to have in reading your fanfiction? Literary curiosity?

I'm just going to kind of disagree with you here... theoretically it should be possible to write a fanfic with engough characterisation and description that it is not necessary to have prior knowledge. A really good fanfic for me would have to be "stand-alone" and basically read like a well-done original short story.

Unfortunetly that said I have yet to come across a fanfic like this so I think I'll stick with my original short stories.

[gundamzuki]

I will admit that my grammer is kind of poor but there are some good points in there, thank you but also some things to point out

Someone said, “We trust you Capt.” and everyone nodded in agreement.

I intended "Capt." to be pronounced as an abreviation, though i suppose i should have put "Cap'n"

Whispered voices. “You up yet? Come on!” “Hey, check John.” “Where’s Keith?” A flash of light plays across my eyes and I blink.

I may just break this up into paragraphs. I like the sound of it. I was going for the disorganization of being woken up as your brain searches for something to focus on. But i guess that means i should expand on that.

I quickly get up and dressed. When Capt. had something up his sleeve, it was usually worth getting involved in. He addressed us when we were all gathered.

“Listen up! Every day for the past twelve months, and that’s 12 months to the ...

goes up!” he loosed a mischievous

That's just bad grammer. I appologise.

without knowing the series, what other vested interest do you expect your reader to have in reading your fanfiction? Literary curiosity?

One would hope. I rarely stick to my fav subjects for reading fanfics. It's much more interesting and easier to read that way because it's a new story without preconcieved notions of how it should progress. But i will make an effort to make the opening more interesting, i should have done that a while ago.

[Arigatomina]

I'm just going to kind of disagree with you here... theoretically it should be possible to write a fanfic with engough characterisation and description that it is not necessary to have prior knowledge. A really good fanfic for me would have to be "stand-alone" and basically read like a well-done original short story.

Unfortunetly that said I have yet to come across a fanfic like this so I think I'll stick with my original short stories.

Although it's highly illegal, I've submitted a number of fanfics as unfinished 'short stories' to my college writing workshops. I didn't mention that they were fanfics, and I changed *nothing* before submitting them, nor did I add anything. Aside from the beginning of the last one I turned it, she thought it was good (engrossing by the second page, is what the consensus was) - and the peer response I got from it in my class echoed the same sentiments. The difference is that my story was an alternate universe fic, so I had to re-establish the characters and give history for the slightly different personalities (given the different pasts).

My point is that you *can* fool the people if you reintroduce the characters as if they were your own or write a fanfic with hopes that it will make sense even to those who haven't seen the anime. Most any well-done crossover fic has to do this - for those who read only for one of the two anime used. And I do read fics for anime I haven't seen when they're written by my favorite authors. That's one of the reasons I first heard of YYH years before it came here - an author I liked used the anime in crossovers and peaked my interest - she reintroduced the characters for those who hadn't seen the anime, and that makes all the difference in the world.

Still, I rarely go out of my way to read a fic for characters I don't know - I'd need to like the author, or have it be a crossover before I'd do it. So I agree with both sentiments here.

A fic can be written like an original story (alternate universes that you create yourself really help here, and re-establishing the slightly changed characters make them fresh) for readers who don't know the series. But there'll have to be something outside the fic to make people read it (known writing style, attractive plot summary, etc).

[madmallard]

I intended "Capt." to be pronounced as an abreviation, though i suppose i should have put "Cap'n"

thats fine. Dont use phoenetics anywhere but inside quotes speech or thoughts. Spell out the real word in narrative.

One would hope. I rarely stick to my fav subjects for reading fanfics. It's much more interesting and easier to read that way because it's a new story without preconcieved notions of how it should progress. But i will make an effort to make the opening more interesting, i should have done that a while ago.

I'm just going to kind of disagree with you here... theoretically it should be possible to write a fanfic with engough characterisation and description that it is not necessary to have prior knowledge. A really good fanfic for me would have to be "stand-alone" and basically read like a well-done original short story.

Unfortunetly that said I have yet to come across a fanfic like this so I think I'll stick with my original short stories.

Neither of these points acknowledge two fundamental issues. 1:fanfiction is both produced and consumed because not enough of the original exists, and 2:For both writer and reader of fanction, you are afford a bit of a shortcut.

read a fanfic without pre-conceived notions? you know how very stupid that sounds? Or how about write one without pre-conceived notions? How could you write a fanfiction without one? Why would you even read one without one? (exception, and the only exception, being you like the author).

and if you do write a fanfic with enough characterisation to carry a reader who has no series experience, you've probably bored the readers who -have- experience. And by that point, as an author, you have to ask yourself what is the audience you intend? People who have seen Ranma and are wanting to read a Ranma story? People who haven't seen Ranma, but would read a story anyway? As a fanfic reader, why would you bother with a fanfic story with heaps of characterisations and situational backdrops that you don't need to enjoy a story about the characters or the place? Or why would you want to read a fanfiction that you DONT have the characterisations because you haven't seen the series? The answer to both is "why bother reading fanfiction if you don't want those shortcuts?"

the same thing applies to an author. Why would you bother writing a fanfiction with heaps of characterisation? Why would you bother with fanfiction and skip over that shortcut/feature that writing fanfiction gives you? You may as well just write fresh fiction. and that, warp, is why you have yet to find such a story. While theoretically possible, so is it theoretically possible for Eminem to perform Cats on broadway. but why would he bother, self enrichment? and why would any of his rap-fans go to see it?

but write what you like and what makes you have fun. Seek out stories fun for you to read. thats all that matters and i think you both knew that already.

[Arigatomina]

the same thing applies to an author. Why would you bother writing a fanfiction with heaps of characterisation? Why would you bother with fanfiction and skip over that shortcut/feature that writing fanfiction gives you? You may as well just write fresh fiction. and that, warp, is why you have yet to find such a story. While theoretically possible, so is it theoretically possible for Eminem to perform Cats on broadway. but why would he bother, self enrichment? and why would any of his rap-fans go to see it?

but write what you like and what makes you have fun. Seek out stories fun for you to read. thats all that matters and i think you both knew that already.

I write because I like to tell stories, and I write character descriptions because a good story includes that, whether it's a fanfic or an original piece of fiction. I've yet to recieve complaints about giving details about the characters for those who may not be familiar with them. The key is not to make it boring, to spread the bits of information around some involving scene at the beginning that both catches the reader's attention and also informs the reader. Just because fanfiction *gives* you shortcuts doesn't mean you should be a poor writer or storyteller. It just makes it easy for the lazy writers who don't know how to give details without boring the reader - or who don't care about whether or not it's an involving read to those who expect fanfiction to be *stories* and not just skits of dialogue.

What the shortcuts lead to is the 'play' type fiction that looks like this:

Person A: I don't want to do that.
Person B: Are you arguing with me? ::evil glare::
Person A: NO!!! ::sweatdrop, backing away::
Person B: I didn't think so. ::sticks nose in air::

And who really wants to read that? I don't think you should encourage people to be lazy writers just because fanfiction gives you an opportunity to leave things out. What fanfiction *does* is give you a chance to write for a set audience, using characters you like - to have fun while also practicing a good skill. Sure, you could just do original fanfiction, but the reader base isn't there - and chances are it'll be more of a chore than a fun (and useful) hobby.