Beo's Guide To Men (SEX SEX SEX)

[Willen]

I realize I'm a fucking wuss. But its a lot cheaper than punching holes in walls and getting them patched.

Don't patch the holes you punch walls. Leave them as warnings to other people. >:O

I wonder if any one has hit a wall stud when punching a wall. It's not like anyone's going to use a stud sensor on the wall before putting fist to it.

[kenisama]

lol, my step-did once, showing off while we were replacing the drywall broke his hand too

[Angelyco]

RULE #4: As a man, when I hear my woman telling me about a problem she is having, my immediate reaction is to solve that problem. If there is a problem and I have a solution, what is the dilemma? Let me take care of it baby. In probably the oldest Venus Vs Mars example, women often just want to be listened too and understood, and don't really want you to DO anything about it. To the male brain, this is a divide by 0 error. It makes no sense. We try our best to do it anyway, but when you nag to us about "the issue", and then get annoyed when we try to solve it, it gets old. Ladies, if you want to vent or blow off steam, talk to your girlfriends, not your man. Come to us when you want something done.

This.

Unfortunately, Beo, women have a pathologic need to do this. To everyone that will listen. I am not immune and it drives my male friends totally bonkers when I do it. "Well why the hell did you tell me?" "I just wanted to bitch/vent." "But you do it ALL the time!" "Yeah. And that's why GID sucks. I don't like it either." "Dude, at least I'm getting sex from my girlfriend." "Okay... coworker line crossed. Bye."

I do it all the time as well, and I know it makes my husband squirm. He hates that I get upset about stuff and he can't fix it. He doesn't mind listening to me, he knows that if I don't it'll just gnaw at me, but he just gets so wound up because he can't help.

[jasper-isis]

RULE #4: As a man, when I hear my woman telling me about a problem she is having, my immediate reaction is to solve that problem. If there is a problem and I have a solution, what is the dilemma? Let me take care of it baby. In probably the oldest Venus Vs Mars example, women often just want to be listened too and understood, and don't really want you to DO anything about it. To the male brain, this is a divide by 0 error. It makes no sense. We try our best to do it anyway, but when you nag to us about "the issue", and then get annoyed when we try to solve it, it gets old. Ladies, if you want to vent or blow off steam, talk to your girlfriends, not your man. Come to us when you want something done.

Forget male/female dynamics, this can be a problem for me even in a friendship context. I think I tend to be a good listener when my friends come to me to vent about things, but when they go on and on to the extent that it creeps into every single conversation, with me being able to do nothing about the situation besides provide sympathy, it just gets me incredibly frustrated. I've had to distance myself from a few people because their negativity was starting to make me feel powerless.

And in my experience, the guys have actually been more guilty of this than the ladies.

[ZephyrStar]

I'm probably guilty of that....I love to rant about shit for hours, but usually I call up my brother instead of my friends, because he likes to rant about shit for hours too, so it works out.

[Knowname]

My brother gets on me for ranting about shit, but it's usually not a problem or anything. He's just like 'so you think that's funny?? why do you think that's funny?! It's NOT funny!!'

Brothers... gotta love em... gotta love annoying them

so I'm like 'i do this around my friends to, nobody ever brings it up NEARLY as much as you do' and he says 'that's cuz their your FRIENDS, it's ANNOYING, don't be a dumbass and QUIT!' to which I say 'it's what I do, if what I do annoys said friends I wouldn't be friends with them' .

[Otohiko]

There's a difference between ranting and that. There's merit to rants and stuff - the problem is when it turns to just negativity, it's just an energy sucker.

I say that as someone who officially acknowledges being a bit of a jerk and, intentionally or not, sapping energy from people in the exact way Jasper describes. I'm really sorry to those of you who I've done it to

[Beowulf]

That behavior is what my father likes to call "Psychic Vampires". They just suck all your energy, ruin your vibe, spoil your buzz, harsh your mellow, etc.

[ZephyrStar]

Yeah I guess there is a difference. Like this kid I used to work with, who was like....DESPARATELY nerdy (28 years old, lived with mom, wears business dress clothes EVERYWHERE, pocket protector, the like). Which is fine actually, I'm not knocking the kid, but the problem is, he was one of these vampires. He just exuded negativity, and beat himself up whenever possible. WHENEVER POSSIBLE. Spilling a few drops of coffee on his shirt turns into "I suck, I'll never have a girlfriend." So me and this girl from work tried really hard for a couple of years to include him in everything, get him outta the house, get him out and about, try and build some social confidence for the guy. We DID manage to get him to move outta his folks place finally and attempt to have a life of his own, but the rest of it didn't work. And after you spend that kind of energy and effort trying to help somebody and they don't want it, you just sorta give up. (I'm too nice for my own good)

[Otohiko]

I think people shouldn't try to conceal their emotions from friends or significant others. That's just a bad idea. If you're in a negative state of mind, there's nothing worse than faking positiveness. As long as your negativity is not a constant demand for others' attention, I think that's all fair game.

That said, I think negativity should only be allowed if it's really justified and as long as you're working to change things. I've got a lot of respect for people who are fatalistic and work hard. I've not got that much respect for people who are fatalistic and just wallow in their own misery, spreading it all over other people. I think needing to be positive, fun and pleasant around people all the time is not a requirement for friendship or any form of relationship. On the other hand emotional openness should be.

But I think we've kinda got off track.