The Vent Thread
- dj_ultima_the_great
- Joined: Mon Dec 22, 2003 7:52 pm
- Status: Resident Videogame Editor
- Location: Wisconsin
Re: The Vent Thread
You know, there's something I have been avoiding saying for a long time, because I always thought it came off as melodramatic. I always hated people for saying it when they couldn't get that new $100 pair of jeans, or they couldn't go to a concert, or they were grounded for their own idiocy.
But right now, I am honestly wishing I were just dead - and I know it sounds selfish and stupid, because I have things like internet and electronics and all sorts of hobby-related knick knacks, and I feel like a goddamn worthless wreck because I have all of these first world luxuries, but everything that's actually important is coming apart.
That's the long way of saying that I'm being evicted again, and I'm just not sure I have the energy to do it all over again. I don't see a way out of this one. My siblings have both refused to help, meaning I have nowhere to go. I could move out with my best friend, but that's hinged on her willingness to do so and her parents' willingness to cover my rent for the first month or so until I get a paycheck or two. I have been scouring Craig's List to this end. It's my only hope. My mother's life is a big, black void that devours everything into which it comes into contact, and I can't do this anymore. I'm too emotionally and mentally exhausted.
Before anyone questions why we have internet but not enough for rent, allow me to explain. I told Mom that I would cover the cable bill, pay for gas in the car, and do most of the grocery shopping if she would pay the rent. Given the difference in our paychecks, this was a pretty fair tradeoff. I thought that by doing this, it would relieve enough of the financial burden off of her that she would be able to keep up with the rent. This actually was the truth until the debt collectors started finding her one by one, and each one threatened to throw her ass in jail if she didn't start paying them. Eventually, we got back to the point we started at before I lost the house - Mom wasn't making enough to cover all of the bills coming in.
But here's the part that I find most tiresome. My mother doesn't tell me in advance that she won't be able to make rent, so that I would have ample time to find help. She instead waits until five days after it is due, when she is about to be served papers, to say that she hasn't paid. (All the while, I assume she has paid it, because she was actually being reliable for once and I was starting to get comfortable these last few months.) She often used this tactic against me - whether she does it consciously or not, I don't know. I call it, "The Ultimatum." She knew she could extort money from me if she waited until the last possible opportunity to ask. Like, say, before she has to drive forty minutes to work and the car is running on fumes. She knew I had no choice but to fork over gas money because she couldn't get to work otherwise, which would result in her getting fired and all of the shitstorm that accompanies that.
The difference this time is that she knows I can't help her with the rent, and so she's trying to get it from my brother - and therein lies the problem. He has no obligation to help, because unlike myself, he doesn't live with her. Her fate is not his fate. It is for me. Just an hour ago, both of my siblings told me the exact same thing - that if it was just me, they would help in a heartbeat. However, they can't help her anymore, and therefore can't help me. I didn't expect either one to help, and I don't begrudge them for not doing so, but knowing that I have been abandoned by my entire family now does sting a bit.
Pretty soon, my mother will have to face that as well - and although I may wish to be dead right now, she may actually do it once I'm gone.
That's not an exaggeration. It's an unfortunate prediction, and much as I predicted that there was no reason to decorate my room because I wouldn't have it for long, my foresights are usually right.
I hate it when I'm right.
But right now, I am honestly wishing I were just dead - and I know it sounds selfish and stupid, because I have things like internet and electronics and all sorts of hobby-related knick knacks, and I feel like a goddamn worthless wreck because I have all of these first world luxuries, but everything that's actually important is coming apart.
That's the long way of saying that I'm being evicted again, and I'm just not sure I have the energy to do it all over again. I don't see a way out of this one. My siblings have both refused to help, meaning I have nowhere to go. I could move out with my best friend, but that's hinged on her willingness to do so and her parents' willingness to cover my rent for the first month or so until I get a paycheck or two. I have been scouring Craig's List to this end. It's my only hope. My mother's life is a big, black void that devours everything into which it comes into contact, and I can't do this anymore. I'm too emotionally and mentally exhausted.
Before anyone questions why we have internet but not enough for rent, allow me to explain. I told Mom that I would cover the cable bill, pay for gas in the car, and do most of the grocery shopping if she would pay the rent. Given the difference in our paychecks, this was a pretty fair tradeoff. I thought that by doing this, it would relieve enough of the financial burden off of her that she would be able to keep up with the rent. This actually was the truth until the debt collectors started finding her one by one, and each one threatened to throw her ass in jail if she didn't start paying them. Eventually, we got back to the point we started at before I lost the house - Mom wasn't making enough to cover all of the bills coming in.
But here's the part that I find most tiresome. My mother doesn't tell me in advance that she won't be able to make rent, so that I would have ample time to find help. She instead waits until five days after it is due, when she is about to be served papers, to say that she hasn't paid. (All the while, I assume she has paid it, because she was actually being reliable for once and I was starting to get comfortable these last few months.) She often used this tactic against me - whether she does it consciously or not, I don't know. I call it, "The Ultimatum." She knew she could extort money from me if she waited until the last possible opportunity to ask. Like, say, before she has to drive forty minutes to work and the car is running on fumes. She knew I had no choice but to fork over gas money because she couldn't get to work otherwise, which would result in her getting fired and all of the shitstorm that accompanies that.
The difference this time is that she knows I can't help her with the rent, and so she's trying to get it from my brother - and therein lies the problem. He has no obligation to help, because unlike myself, he doesn't live with her. Her fate is not his fate. It is for me. Just an hour ago, both of my siblings told me the exact same thing - that if it was just me, they would help in a heartbeat. However, they can't help her anymore, and therefore can't help me. I didn't expect either one to help, and I don't begrudge them for not doing so, but knowing that I have been abandoned by my entire family now does sting a bit.
Pretty soon, my mother will have to face that as well - and although I may wish to be dead right now, she may actually do it once I'm gone.
That's not an exaggeration. It's an unfortunate prediction, and much as I predicted that there was no reason to decorate my room because I wouldn't have it for long, my foresights are usually right.
I hate it when I'm right.
- Castor Troy
- Ryan Molina, A.C.E
- Joined: Tue Jan 16, 2001 8:45 pm
- Status: Retired from AMVs
- Location: California
- Contact:
Re: The Vent Thread
Jen, has your mom declared bankruptcy?
"You're ignoring everything, except what you want to hear.." - jbone
- dj_ultima_the_great
- Joined: Mon Dec 22, 2003 7:52 pm
- Status: Resident Videogame Editor
- Location: Wisconsin
Re: The Vent Thread
That's been in the plan book for a while, but the trouble is that it takes money to do it. Yes, I am vaguely aware of the fact that some lawyers will forgo the fee, but my knowledge of legalese is crap, so I can't tell you anything beyond the fact that she hasn't found one like that so far. Mom did work as a legal secretary for years, and actually knows her stuff very well. It's one of the few areas I trust her in anymore. She wants to declare bankruptcy, too, so I know she's not lying to me on this one. She genuinely can't do it yet, as far as I know.
- Dr. Derpface, J.D.
- Joined: Fri Mar 26, 2004 6:27 pm
- Status: Dictator Emeritus: Samarui Warrierz Prodstudios
Re: The Vent Thread
Wall of text below relating to the collector situation.dj_ultima_the_great wrote:...until the debt collectors started finding her one by one, and each one threatened to throw her ass in jail if she didn't start paying them.
Spoiler :
I know you're worried about what she'll do once your gone, but you've done everything you possibly can, and at some point you have to do what's best for you. You can't help someone who won't help themselves and is dragging you down with them. If you have a legitimate concern about her harming herself once you're gone, you can look into getting her some form of counseling, even if it's against her will. She may (and probably will) hate you for it in the short-term, but it would keep her from doing something irreversible.
But when all is said and done, you need to decide what's best for your own well-being. It's not fair for her to keep using you as a safety net for her own problems. You have your own life to live, and she needs to grow up and let you do it.
Tinnitus
<Fire_Starter> Stirspeare: college=failsauce?
<Stirspeare> Fire_Starter: Electoral college etc.
"Then you weeaboo faggots need to stop thinking that Japan is ZOMG awsmsauce where all ur waifu dreams come true."
-Kionon / Athena - January 12, 2010
<Fire_Starter> Stirspeare: college=failsauce?
<Stirspeare> Fire_Starter: Electoral college etc.
"Then you weeaboo faggots need to stop thinking that Japan is ZOMG awsmsauce where all ur waifu dreams come true."
-Kionon / Athena - January 12, 2010
- lloyd9988
- Joined: Sun May 15, 2011 4:57 pm
- Location: AZ
Re: The Vent Thread
I don't really know whether I feel happy or sad really. . . Didn't know where to put this. . . I just watched Waiting for Superman, and I know its a documentary that was obviously meant to evoke emotion within me. . . but when I saw the face of a child just feel like he wasn't accepted just because of a system that told him that he wasn't good enough was a real strong heart connection because that was the one thing. . . where my heart can completely connect with. So I really did cry something happy afterwards at the ending because I really . . . really can feel how he felt when he was told that he was good enough just the way he was and that he was. . . So. . . yeah. . . I'm really hoping that kid will do well with his life and that he'll be happy for the rest of his life...
- Castor Troy
- Ryan Molina, A.C.E
- Joined: Tue Jan 16, 2001 8:45 pm
- Status: Retired from AMVs
- Location: California
- Contact:
Re: The Vent Thread
Well, fuck my donkey.
Ever since I got laid off 3 months ago and started making more money from my online businesses at home, my family's been targeting me as their personal ATM/piggybank. I was more than happy to give my youngest sister some spending money and money for her books when she left for college in New York last week.
I'm also the legal owner of my mom's house now ever since she moved to NY with my youngest sister to find more prospects for her own business and I ended up having to pay for a big house repair recently that's left me a pretty broke till I get my commissions (which is every 2 weeks).
Just when I got up today, my mom leaves a message saying she needs a whole bunch of money to pay off her share of the rent at her new place in NY since apparently, her business prospects are taking much longer to pay her than expected.
Thanks to the holiday, my commission got delayed by a day and I'm literally flat broke until tomorrow. I literally don't even have enough to pay the gas in my car right now. I told my mom this earlier and now she's screaming at me like it's the end of the world.
Everyone knows that when you do bank account transfers, they take 1-2 days (or more) and knowing my mom, she won't have the patience to wait that long, but she has no choice right now.
So I can kind of feel your pain a bit right now Jen. I don't live with my mom, but she's always been dependent on my late dad and me and my siblings to help her out most of her life.
Ever since I got laid off 3 months ago and started making more money from my online businesses at home, my family's been targeting me as their personal ATM/piggybank. I was more than happy to give my youngest sister some spending money and money for her books when she left for college in New York last week.
I'm also the legal owner of my mom's house now ever since she moved to NY with my youngest sister to find more prospects for her own business and I ended up having to pay for a big house repair recently that's left me a pretty broke till I get my commissions (which is every 2 weeks).
Just when I got up today, my mom leaves a message saying she needs a whole bunch of money to pay off her share of the rent at her new place in NY since apparently, her business prospects are taking much longer to pay her than expected.
Thanks to the holiday, my commission got delayed by a day and I'm literally flat broke until tomorrow. I literally don't even have enough to pay the gas in my car right now. I told my mom this earlier and now she's screaming at me like it's the end of the world.
Everyone knows that when you do bank account transfers, they take 1-2 days (or more) and knowing my mom, she won't have the patience to wait that long, but she has no choice right now.
So I can kind of feel your pain a bit right now Jen. I don't live with my mom, but she's always been dependent on my late dad and me and my siblings to help her out most of her life.
"You're ignoring everything, except what you want to hear.." - jbone
- Radical_Yue
- Joined: Fri Feb 04, 2005 8:45 pm
- Status: The flamer with heart of gold~<3
Re: The Vent Thread
Can I get a minute to breathe? No? OK....
- Castor Troy
- Ryan Molina, A.C.E
- Joined: Tue Jan 16, 2001 8:45 pm
- Status: Retired from AMVs
- Location: California
- Contact:
Re: The Vent Thread
I think we're all gasping for oxygen right now.Radical_Yue wrote:Can I get a minute to breathe? No? OK....
"You're ignoring everything, except what you want to hear.." - jbone
- BasharOfTheAges
- Just zis guy, you know?
- Joined: Tue Sep 14, 2004 11:32 pm
- Status: Breathing
- Location: Merrimack, NH
Re: The Vent Thread
I'm sick... again. Don't have time to be sick. Too much to do.
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- lloyd9988
- Joined: Sun May 15, 2011 4:57 pm
- Location: AZ
Re: The Vent Thread
That awkward moment when a friend shows you something and then you sit there thinking to yourself "FUCK, I just got duped again."