Microsoft is pleased to announce a revolutionary breakthrough in bread slicing technology – the Microsoft Bread Slicer XP. Bread slicing will never be the same again!
The Microsoft Bread Slicer is a new way of slicing bread. If you’ve ever had problems with crumbs, incorrectly cut bread, or even cutting your finger, they’re now gone.
It’s So Easy To Use
Hundreds of custom bread slicing algorithms are already programmed into the bread slicer’s controller out of the box – no setup required. Just tell the bread slicer what goes between the sandwich and the on-board computer will dynamically generate a bread form and even recommend a loaf. With included connectivity, bread-slicing information is automatically sent to attached peripherals and appliances so they know what they’re dealing with.
Powerful And Versatile
The Microsoft bread slicer ships with 2 ultrasonic bread slicing blades made out of a proprietary magnetostrictive material that curves on electrical contact, allowing it to handle any type of media for any curve, with other options such as laser also available. The expandable breadbox stores 5 loafs of bread in it’s own microclimate, with precise control over temperate, humidity, light, and other conditions. The breadbox can even be expanded to include features such as pressure control and nitrogen preservation.
It’s so fast and quiet, a single bread-slicing device can process several hundred slices of bread per second, as benchmarked by independent agency Ballmer, Gates and Associates.
Most professional versions of the bread slicer include bread weight detection, infrared analysis and bread UPC barcode recognition.
Flexible – Great For Hackers
Whether you’re an enterprising chef or mechanical engineer, Microsoft’s got you covered. For the aspiring hacker in you, Microsoft’s included dozens of ways to edit the toolpath to your liking, from pure CNC block device manipulation to parametric equations Want to dynamically generate a toolpath each time? Microsoft Bread COM+ has APIs and bread slicer libraries for VB, C, and even Perl. Control everything from the toolpath speed to blade oscillation – it’s your slicer.
Having problems cutting sinusoidal waves into bread loaves manually? Just type in:
“ z = sin x + cos y + 15 “ and see how your bread comes out!
Supported interface measurements include Imperial, English, Metric, and (toolpath) seconds.
Connected Like Never Before
The Microsoft bread slicer includes built in gigabit Ethernet connection and will automatically recognize other devices in your network such as toaster, refrigerators, and other devices. Powered by Microsoft’s own Kitchen .NET framework, the Microsoft bread slicer can send bread information to almost any toaster or other appliance in a standard XML format over HTTP and SOAP.
Clean, Safe And Secure
The Microsoft bread slicer is an unprecedented step up in safety and security. Security features such as locking lids and bread user quotas (based on volume, mass, even calories and other user specified properties) can be integrated with Active Directory for bread slicer Group Policy continuity throughout your enterprise. It’s safe and clean too: by default, the breaddetect.pl script is run every time the system starts up or the door is opened. Whether it’s bread theft, stuck fingers or a fly, customized system commands alert root el-pronto.
Microsoft Bread wrote:1 Warning Conditions
The attached appliance:
nataku.mechacker.com (10.136.0.70:1219) "Kitchen Toaster"
Returned a deviceID of" Slackware_Toaster 9,17,536,9"
This is not a Microsoft approved toaster. Using non logo certified
toasters may cause severe damage to your other appliances or bread.
We recommend that you stop cooking ang go to store.msbread.com
to get an approved toaster. Microsoft is not liable for any damages
caused by using unapproved heating devices.
[ Stop Cooking ] [ Edit Toaster Options ] [ Continue ]
