just

[Kamoc]

i got a letter today.

Julie M. Stevenson
July 6, 2003

Dear Mr. Cowling;

I am sorry to alert you to such a predicament, but there’s no other way around, sadly enough. On July 4th, 2003 a friend of mine invited me to come to a picnic party at the park near your house. My family naturally got excited, as we heard it was to be at Ida Lee, where they had the biggest fireworks display in the county. When we arrived, it came to pass that there were no seats around where we had planned to stay. So, in order to get a good view of the festivities, we ventured out to your neck of the woods. My family and I set up camp in your back yard, seeing as how there wouldn’t be any harm done in doing so.

Needless to say the show was fantastic. Perfect display of our nation’s fine individuality. But when we arrived home late that evening, my son began scratching his neck. Upon further inspection, we found a tick on him. My husband was appalled, and I was infuriated. This is Virginia, we don’t have ticks in our lawns.

Which brings us to aforementioned predicament. Could you please not let ticks grow on your lawn? We here at the Stevenson family want to have a good time at next year’s Fourth of July instead of get rocky mountain fever and stay in bed for two weeks.

Please feel free to email me at julie_stevenson201@yahoo.com Thank you for your time.

well, shit.

The Tick Overlord
July 23, 2003

You are not going to let them get to me. I control the ticks, they are my destiny. YOU and your filthy children shall face the wrath of I, THE TICK OVERLORD FOR IT IS I, THE TICK OVERLORD WHO SHALL SEND THE TICKS OUT AMONGST THE WORLD, thereby making it itchy and generally discomforted.

Unfortunately, you have stumbled upon my plan to destroy the world with the ticks I have grown deep within the confines of my underground tick-jar. Sadly, I must put your picture inside of the jar and make the ticks memorize your nose, which they will hunt for numerous days (if they’ve been fed right beforehand; I spoiled them on the tick treats). If they don’t find you, then they shall return to my fortress of grass and begin the memorization process all over again. If they do find you.. well, let’s just say you’ll feel the wrath of I, THE TICK OVERLORD.

All in all, get the fuck off my lawn.

[KungPaoChicken]

cumjellos from Virginia.

you set 'em straight, tho.

[kthulhu]

Good on you, old bean!

Perhaps next Fourth spray heavy pesticide? Enough to irritate the skin or something...

[EarthCurrent]

Whoa the Tick Overlord writes in a pretty similar fashion to that Olmec character. I wonder if there's a connection.

[fyrtenheimer]

Oh shit, EC.


THERE IS.

[jonmartensen]

What an asshole. "We feel it's our right to use your private property, oh yeah, your standards for provate property ownership aren't up to ours, so make it nicer for us for next year."

[SSJVegita0609]

Bah! They disgrance northern VA with their mindless complaints about our friendly and domesticated ticks. There is rebellion in the wind... IT WILL BE CRUSHED!

[dcdeveloperx]

lmao

[Roke]

Whoa the Tick Overlord writes in a pretty similar fashion to that Olmec character. I wonder if there's a connection.

Nah, that almighty OLMEC just crashed on his urine soaked couch for a couple of days, and gave him writing lessons. He kind of left when he found out that the Crossbow workout system didn't make him any more ripped than he already was.

[Summanaro]

Only people like that can be rude a ridiculously hilarious at the same time .