PSME, dont steal this

Vale · Post by **Vale** » Fri May 09, 2003 8:56 pm

i am a bored berson who writes songs during school. My usual ego booster just moved away. I begin to feel futile. So what do you think of this.

wake up, i say wake up, what i wouldnt give, just to be with you, to feel you breathe, to feel my love with your every breath/ i've listened to everything youve said, and i want you to say it again, another day, another dat, before i say, another day, another day since i said, hold my hand hold, my hand, hold my hand, may all my feelings be awkward now, just say its ok, say its ok, dont walk away, dont walk away, i say just dont walk away, we can runaway from this place/ but i would never leave, to do anything i said, but you tempt me to do everything i said, why do your eyes, stop me from doing anything i said, but i cant just not, do anything at all/ now its time to see, if all inihbitions are false, but the fact that i, camt choke out all the words, may be a sign that i should stop now, but its too late, so rejection is now, i walk away, i walk away, with that apathetic look on my face, seflishly, empthy is beyond me now, another day, another day, befor i will feel the same, another day, another day since i forgot her name.

by the way, / are breaks in the song

your opinon, (especialy girls, im planing to show it to a girl i like).
thanks alot.

Vale · Post by **Vale** » Fri May 09, 2003 9:06 pm

god damnit, on the last line its "since i forgot your name"

Lone Wolf · Post by **Lone Wolf** » Fri May 09, 2003 9:21 pm

It'd be a lot easier to understand the rhyme scheme (if there is one) if you seperated the song on to different lines. For example:

verse 1 line 1
verse 1 line 2
etc.
(SPACE)
verse 2 line 1
verse 2 line 2
etc.
(SPACE)

I think the lyrics are very interesting, though. Good job.

nailz · Post by **nailz** » Fri May 09, 2003 10:01 pm

it sucks.

Vale · Post by **Vale** » Fri May 09, 2003 11:01 pm

wake up
i say wake up

what i wouldnt give
just to be with you

to feel you breathe
to feel my love
with your every breath

/

i've listened to everything youve said
and i want you to say it again

another day
another day,
before i say

another day
another day
since i said

hold my hand
hold my hand
hold my hand

may all my feelings be
awkward now

just say its ok
say its ok

dont walk away
dont walk away
i say just dont walk away
we can runaway
from this place

/

but i would never leave
to do anything i said

but you tempt me to do
everything i said

why do your eyes
stop me
from doing anything i said

but i cant just not
do anything at all

/

now its time to see
if all inihbitions are false

but the fact that i
camt choke out all the words

may be a sign
that i should stop now

but its too late
so rejection is now

i walk away
i walk away
with that apathetic look on my face

seflishly
empthy is beyond me now

another day
another day
befor i will feel the same

another day
another day
since i forgot your name.

i hope that makes some more sense, i also have a scheme but its just in my head and i dont feel like humming to a computer for no reason. Its sort of a high school band punk love song feel. And nailz, if you come back can you tell me how it sucked, it could help me with my writing.

Lyrs · Post by **Lyrs** » Sat May 10, 2003 1:26 pm

wow...now if only the melody that keeps coming up in my mind isn't all rock, then i think that it'll be okay.

/emd

FirestormXIII · Post by **FirestormXIII** » Sat May 10, 2003 10:52 pm

Lyrs wrote:wow...now if only the melody that keeps coming up in my mind isn't all rock...

Heh, you too?

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PSME, dont steal this

PSME, dont steal this

Re: PSME, dont steal this