Post
by dokidoki » Tue Feb 11, 2003 2:35 am
Just finished this...
<Usagi arrives at school>
BOOM! <Tate tackles her>
Terry: You know dis show's got comedy in it! You gotta get to school late, at least once an episode! That ain't new, bi-i-itch!!
Title: TERRY TATE -- SHOUJO ANIME LINEBACKER
Announcer: Here at Pan Anime Incorporated, we've hired Terry Tate to keep standards, and profits, high in our productions. Sure, they said that he was a bad choice for keeping our girls' shows in line, but we think the results speak for themselves.
<cut to Card battle>
Sakura: But Tomoyo-chan, I don't want to wear the costume.
CRUNCH!! <Triple T tackles her. She goes down like she was hit by The Arrow>
Terry: We got more dolls with more costumes ready to come off the line! Wear the suit, or you get the boot! You gonna be collecting cards on the unemployment line if you don't shape up, motherf--...
Announcer: We used to pay large fines for violating the Shoujo Standards Act of 1995, but Terry's changed all that. Now our actresses make sure they comply with all the required cliches.
Terry: These girls think that just because they act all cute and stuff, that they don't gotta follow the rules and earn their keep like the rest of us! You break the rules, I break your body! Ain't nobody mess with the Shoujo Enforcer! They want a sidekick? I'll kick their side from here to Sunday!
<cut to Miaka/Tamahome>
Miaka: Oh, Tamahome...
Tate: Woo woo!! Here come the Pain Shenkans--, Shanken... Here come the Pain Train baby! Get ready for the pain!!
Miaka: N-n-no! H-help, Tama...
!!!THUD!!! <Miaka goes down like a sack of steaks. Sticks. Whatever>
Tate: You call that glitter? I seen more glitter in Goku's dandruff! You know you gotta apply the Eye Sparkle(TM) to your face before you do a love scene! Go back and get it right, fool!
<Scene from Slam Dunk>
<Hanamichi makes a basket>
!!!!WHUMP!!!! <dribble time's over>
Tate: In my house, you play my game, by my rules, bitch!!
<Tate walks away, cursing the "wussy shoujo sports">
Announcer: Despite some differences, Terry fits right in.
Sae <off set>: I think I'm falling in love with Aburatsubo-senpai...
Tate: Sae, honey, I think there's something you should know...
<Scene: Generic shoujo anime high school Culture Festival. Tate is wearing a kimono>
Tate: Irasshaimase! Irasshaimase!
Announcer: But his continued dedication has earned Terry a special place here at PAI.
Terry, standing over Utena: You went over your Cherry Blossom Petal Budget by 5000 yen! It happens again, yo' ass gets the Pain Train, honey! Chu Chuuu!!
<Terry mashes Miki>
<Terry flattens Fuu>
<Terry puts the hurt on Hime-chan>
Terry: AAAARRUARRUGGHAUAWAHHHH!!!
<chases after Minky Momo, eventually taking her down>
"That's for bad American dubbing, Gigi!!"
<scene from Bronze>
Terry: Woah... This wasn't in my contract, baby...
<fade out>
FIN
(Note: In Japan, the high speed "bullet trains" are called shinkansen)
"Comedy is a dying breed." -- kisanzi // "Comedy. Serious business." -- dokidoki