How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fall_Child42 · Post by **Fall_Child42** » Sun Sep 02, 2012 12:26 pm

A Fish.

Welcome to the joke thread.

TEKnician · Post by **TEKnician** » Sun Sep 02, 2012 2:45 pm

A man walks into a bar and sees an unopened bottle of Jack Daniels. He goes to grab it.

Bartender: Hey, man. That bottle is 40 bucks.
Man: I was going to show you a magic trick.
Bartender: What trick?
Man: I bet you 5 bucks I can drink this whole bottle without touching it.
Bartender: Oh, YOU'RE ON!

The man takes a deep breath...then grabs the bottle, cracks it open and drinks the whole thing. Meanwhile the bartender laughs.

Bartender: You stupid drunk, you lost the bet!
Man: I did? *hic*
Bartender: Yeah! You touched the bottle.
Man: Aw dammit, I guess I did.

The man pays up 5 bucks. The bartender walks away waving his reward around. The man chuckles at him and leaves the bar with a big smile on his face

zibbazabba905 · Post by **zibbazabba905** » Sun Sep 02, 2012 4:24 pm

When ducks fly in a V, why is one side longer than the other?

Spoiler :

How did the brown-billed duck get its name?

Spoiler :

Whats brown and sticky?

Spoiler :

Devolution · Post by **Devolution** » Sun Sep 02, 2012 9:16 pm

what's grey and comes in cans?

Spoiler :

Glitzer · Post by **Glitzer** » Sun Sep 02, 2012 10:12 pm

How many Freudian psychologists does it take to screw ~~your mother~~ in a lightbulb?
One to change the bulb; the other to hold the ~~penis~~ ladder.

How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman? None.

Confucius says, "Man who run in front of bus get tired, but man who run behind bus get exhausted."

I wish that my first word was "quote" so that when I died, I could say "unquote".

Devolution · Post by **Devolution** » Mon Sep 03, 2012 12:56 am

a Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother

AaronAMV · Post by **AaronAMV** » Tue Sep 04, 2012 12:19 am

how many members of PETA does it take it screw in a light bulb? it's not possible because PETA only knows how to bitch about change but not do anything about it

Fall_Child42 · Post by **Fall_Child42** » Tue Sep 04, 2012 11:32 am

It's interesting how most puns do not work in text.

But some require text.

For example.

"You can tune a piano but you can't tuna fish. (Unless it's a bass)"

Fall_Child42 · Post by **Fall_Child42** » Wed Sep 05, 2012 11:18 am

Why is the sniper so good with a frying pan?

Spoiler :

Mr Pilkington · Post by **Mr Pilkington** » Wed Sep 05, 2012 1:57 pm

Why did the sperm cross the road?

Spoiler :

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