"The Octagon"

[Orwell]

Ok, little story for you all. I wonder if anybody can match it for sheer SHITE in the face of reality. True story.

Ok, in the cinema there's this lad who, well to say he was a friend of a friend would be going too far. More a hanger on of an acquaintance. Anyway, every social group will have one of these guys attached to it at some point. Small, weedy, boring. Talks about himself a LOT. If you are feeling charitable you could describe him as a Walter Mitty, if not he's just full of crap. Anyway. At the cinema waiting for a film to start and this lad, scrawny, greasy, boring, nobody quite knows who he is with or whose friend he is meant to be, launches into a monologue. I will quote it for you as close to verbatim as possible. One of the lads in this group is a boxer, really nice guy but tough as nails, almost went into boxing professionally but decided to study instead. Anyway the conversation has turned to his training regime and this other scrawny little bloke buts in;

"Yeah. People have no idea. It's all bullshit maaaaaan. I mean yeah, I could go to the gym, I could get biceps like this *makes gesture* and legs like this *another gesture*. i could get a six pack, no problem. But *drag on cigarette* what I have to do, is ask myself the question, do I want that? *ostentatious drag on cigarette, pause for dramatic effect*. The answer... is no. My body is a weapon. I mean, you get in a fight, what good is that? What people don't realise IS that say, say somebody comes at you with a knife. He's putting himself at an immediate disadvantage. What's he got? A knife. One weapon. I've got two fists, two legs, two knees, two elbows *indicates body parts in turn as though we didn't know where they are*. If he loses his knife, what's he got then? Take these bouncers at clubs. Sure, they look tough. Perhaps one of them could take me in a bar fight. *draw on cigarette* Perhaps. But I'd like to see how any of them could cope against me in "the octagon". I was in the city once, went into this bar. Looked normal from the outside but what I didn't know was it was a gangster bar. Guy behind the bar goes "get the fuck out of here" but I'm in no mood for shit so I tell him to get me a drink. He pulls this revolver from behind the bar and points it straight at me. I didn't sweat. Looked at the revolver, saw the safety was on. Looked him straight in the eyes and said "Are you going to serve me, or are you going to shoot me?" He pulls the trigger and it doesn't work cos of the safety and he keeps pulling the trigger but *drag on cigarette* I just keep my cool. Then, he puts his gun down and says "Hey man, you're cool man, ain't nothing scares you". *chuckles and shakes head* I got my drink. And THAT *draws on cigarette ostentatiously* is how I won the respect of the Yardies."

Several of us made our excuses and left. The rest of us were too astonished to say anything and just sat there staring while he sat in a haze of cigarette smoke looking smug.

[Kitsuner]

He makes a valid point about the number of weapons. To put it another way, a car with has four wheels moves faster than a bicycle, which has only two. Thus a pair of rollerblades, which generally have eight wheels allow for even faster travel.

[Kosmit]

Looked at the revolver, saw the safety was on.

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He makes a valid point about the number of weapons. To put it another way, a car with has four wheels moves faster than a bicycle, which has only two. Thus a pair of rollerblades, which generally have eight wheels allow for even faster travel.

Can't really argue with that. Logic conquers all

[CodeZTM]

I've never felt such a strange combination of pity, embarrassment, nausea and the desire to watch mixed martial arts on the television. O_o

[downwithpants]

bring him to a bar and tell the bouncer he has a knife.

[Beowulf]

rofl @ tuff guys. I'm sure the revolver had a silencer on it as well

[guy07]

I totally had a guy like that in my class. He said he went to Zanzibar ( a strip club in toronto) and said one of the strippers took him out back and gave him a blow job.
First off, I don't even think there IS a back to Zanaibar. I've been there a few times and never seen anyone go out that way. Second, he's ugly as fuck. He's shorter than me, fat and has a half asseed beard. And strippers aren't cheap, i'm pretty sure he's poorer than me.
The same guy showed me a picture of smoking hot girl on his phone and said he was in a "open relationship" with her. Same logic applies.
I think about 80% of what he said was a lie ...

[dreamawake]

Seems like a pretty cool guy. Gets in bar fights and doesn't afraid of anything.

[Darklydone]

Looked at the revolver, saw the safety was on.

...yeah, there were no bullets in the gun?

[8bit_samurai]

Unless it was this kinda revolver



[edit] But even so, he pulled the trigger? I don't know much about revolvers and hand guns, but I know with rifles (or at least the rifles me and my dad had) when the safety is on you can't pull the trigger.