Post
by godix » Wed Aug 27, 2008 10:02 pm
Here's some things any tourist visiting America should know:
Yes, we Americans love our guns, but even so when we say 'shoot' we're just using slang. It means 'speak'. You can quit ducking and looking around for a gunman in panic. Rest assured that if we really want to shoot you then we won't give any warning. You'll be blissful in your ignorance of danger right up to the point when your brains get splattered all over the wall.
Speaking of getting shot, make sure you have all your medical needs taken care of before entering the US cause god knows you won't get your medical needs taken care while you're here. Unless your 'medical needs' are ativan or other controlled substances. In that case you can get your needs taken care of at almost any street corner in the country without even needed a prescription.
Don't talk to Americans about politics. We don't care and might think you're one of those worthless fancy ass college educated intellectual bastards. The only reason we know there are other countries besides the US is that all our products are stamped 'Made in (some shithole of a country here)'. So don't even try mentioning the UN, Darfur, Israel, Iran, Georgia, etc; we just don't give a damn. As for US politics, well, there's a reason less than 50% of us bother to vote.
A fag is not a cigarette. Don't ask anyone to lend you one. There's a slim but very disturbing chance someone might actually lend you a fag to use.
It's pronounced 'zee' not 'zed'. On a similar note, when writing just delete about half the of the letter Us in your words. It doesn't matter which U's you delete, even if you don't end up with the right spelling for American English you'll still probably be closer to correct than American high school students get.
If you aren't in New York City then don't ask about public transit. It doesn't exist. Sure, we pretend there's some elsewhere but trust me, it doesn't fucking exist.
Despite what our media shows, 'What's up nigger' is not a proper greeting unless you yourself happen to be a nigger.
The Dukes of Hazard lies, our police are nothing like that. Go rewatch the Rodney King beating if you want an accurate representation of our police.
Remember that this nation was founded by Puritans. You should be very careful about where you have oral sex, sodomy or other perversions that most Americans couldn't name but know when they see it.
Bring your own beer, ours taste like piss. Especially if you only tip 10%. Then there is a decent chance that half your beer really is waiter piss.
And to answer your actual questions:
Cash is perfectly fine for anything below several hundred dollars, at least for the types of items a tourist would be buying.
There is tax on almost everything and it isn't covered in the listed price but will be rung up at the register (cigarettes and gas are the two exceptions, both of those cover taxes in the listed price). Tax varies from area to area but make it easy for yourself, just mentally add 10% to the price. That's usually in the right ballpark.
Some small mom and pop places add a few percent surcharge for credit cards but there will be a sign saying so because most stores do not. I have yet to see a national chain store that does this.
Food is also taxed, in fact you'll find that generally restaurants are taxed higher than products are. One cheap bastard idea that can help save money is to find the local walmart and pick up semi-healthy snack foods. That way you aren't paying restaurant prices for every single meal. To avoid plane hassles you might want to consider leaving deodorant/shampoo/toothbrush/etc at home and picking those sort of things up at the walmart while grabbing some snacks.
If you sit down and someone comes to your table to serve you then leave a tip of 15% or 20% rounded up to the nearest dollar. If you're with a group of 8 or more you can assume the tip is included in the bill. Other than that do not leave a tip. There are some other times that tips are accepted (bartender or coffee shop for example) but those places give you a subtle hint via a bowl with the word 'TIPS' written on it in a 50 point font and it's far less a social convention that you automatically tip at those places anyway.
