The Woodpecker is equipped with a beak. The beak is prime for a woodpecker. It pecks. If a woodpecker doesn’t peck, it must be either sleeping or dead. A woodpecker can’t not peck. Because the beak always outweighs it. When a woodpecker pecks, it rings out throughout the forest. If it’s loud, that means it’s a good woodpecker. If not – a bad, useless woodpecker.
A woodpecker can jump from branch to branch like a sailor from topgallant to bowsprit. A skilfully thrown woodpecker flies no less than 30 meters, plants up to its waist and hangs for two hours. Woodpeckers always have negative opinion. A strong woodpecker can peck for two. The giant woodpecker (which is not found in nature) can peck a small elephant to death.
As any creature, the woodpecker is started using a crank inserted into its anus. Every woodpecker it flammable. Synchronous woodpeckers are found only in Australia, and work in pairs, fours and so forth up to regiment level. Woodpecker birthdays are on Friday. A woodpecker can resist up to – 250 dB, or 40 roentgens, or 150 Volts, or 4 kicks. It is impossible to drown a woodpecker in a 1-litre jar. A male woodpecker, sculpted from reinforced concrete at the scale of 32:1 remains the best possible monument to a father-in-law. 200 woodpeckers, glued together to form a continuous panel, present an exquisite sight.
The microscopic woodpecker is absolutely harmless. The Spanish temple woodpecker is the only chewing bird in the world, and its female, according to legend, is capable of sticking out of the knothole by as much as three quarters. A live woodpecker differs from a normal one in temperature and working capacity. Underground woodpeckers peck in complete darkness with eyes closed, relying on memory. Their ancestors were shot woodpeckers that fell into wells. There is no separate species of deranged woodpecker, but the portion of them in any population is a constant 77 percent. The pink singing woodpecker, like its dancing subspecies, is found only in areas with a high density of alcoholics.
Almost all urban woodpeckers are non-reusable, with 9x12 plastic beaks and variable wing geometry. The industrial pneumatic woodpecker still causes contentions among ornithologists. In particular, its ability to reproduce is cast into doubt, although in the coal-producing region of Kuzbass the so-called “jack-woodpeckers” occupy all trees in large numbers and even enjoy certain civil rights alongside talking parrots. The primary food type for woodpeckers of all species is wood chips softened with saliva. There are also documented cases of woodpecker attacks on bags of sugar and fruit pies. Normally, woodpeckers do not consume individuals of their species. Cases of conflict between woodpeckers and people are rare, however in the Volga region it is wise to avoid the cranial woodpecker, the victims of which are usually elderly people that forget to cover their heads with panama hats.
The speed of flight for this species of woodpecker is 340 meters per second, guides itself using sun glare, is not frightened by screaming and always finishes its business. A complete opposite of this is the careless fluffy woodpecker, which usually lives in thickets of lily-of-the-valley and forget-me-not flowers. It, essentially, is not a true bird as it spends its entire life sitting, due to which its wings have grown together, forming a petticoat, while its beak only has the bottom half attached. Feeds through panhandling. There is no observed hierarchy among woodpeckers, however a large woodpecker can easily peck a small specimen. In case of external danger, a colony of woodpeckers uses a still-undiscovered strategy to determine a leader (usually a major) and defends under his leadership. After the immediate danger is deflected, this woodpecker becomes a pelican and leaves the colony.
The term for maturation of a woodpecker inside its egg – two weeks from the moment of impact against the floor of its knothole. A small woodpecker sits quietly and eats everything it is given. The main error of woodpeckers is overfeeding while inside knotholes, from which many woodpecker young die, unable to leave their concealed nests. Hand-reared woodpeckers are as rare a phenomenon as foot-reared ones, because one can only domesticate a woodpecker using three now-forgotten ancient words. A domesticated woodpecker is stored wrapped in soft moist canvas, and with skilful treatment never wakes up.
In ancient Russia woodpeckers served in princely bathhouses as walking coat racks and towel holders; crushed and marinated woodpeckers decorated any table; and the unu sually beautiful two-headed woodpecker served as the prototype for the country’s present-day coat-of-arms. And lastly: if you dress up as a woodpecker for a New Year’s party – you will have glory, power and success in love.
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