Japan's custody laws

[Corran]

Anyone see this today?
http://edition.cnn.com/2009/WORLD/asiap ... index.html

Seems pretty messed up that this is even an issue, but two things in the article stand out in my mind as ridiculous...

(emphasis my own)

"Japan is an important partner and friend of the U.S., but on this issue, our points of view differ," the U.S. Embassy in Tokyo said Tuesday. "Our two nations approach divorce and child-rearing differently. Parental child abduction is not considered a crime in Japan."

Japanese family law follows a tradition of sole custody divorces. When a couple splits, one parent typically makes a complete and lifelong break from the children.

[Otohiko]

I noticed this in regard to one of the former prime ministers, Koizumi. He has a son who was born after he divorced and had never met him. When he was about to become prime minister, the son tried to meet with him, but the guy just refused and it never happened. That struck me as weird to say the least, but then I realized that this is indeed not an unusual case in Japan.

[CodeZTM]

Hmmm. Seemed pretty messed up in theory, but US child custody laws are just as ludicrous to say the least.

Trust me, as a child of a divorce, I can promise you that custody battles are long and fought out and usually very stressful on small children. It's very mentally and emotionally draining, and usually the child's wellbeing is rarely the case. Usually it's all about either money, job, and social status, even though the media never really covers that. I was basically flat face told that because my mother had a better paying job and a better "home environment" [which is bullshit by the way] is why I was sent to live with her and have full custody. Plus, she's a mother. Mothers always get the kids.

But to just never see your kids? Or to just snag them up and say "you're living with me" and never be able to get the police involved? eck...

Then again, something like this is never going to have a perfect system.

[kenisama]

I understand the "controversy" here and being a child run through the divorce process as well, all I can say is that its a battle between two angry adults and both parties are usually acting very selfishly. But really, we're talking about Japan... it's another country and obviously if it's not a crime to take your child away from the other parent, then obviously this is something that is socially accepted by them.

[Corran]

Trust me, as a child of a divorce, I can promise you that custody battles are long and fought out and usually very stressful on small children. It's very mentally and emotionally draining, and usually the child's wellbeing is rarely the case.

I understand the "controversy" here and being a child run through the divorce process as well, all I can say is that its a battle between two angry adults and both parties are usually acting very selfishly.

My parents divorced when I was 11 so I'm very aware how stressful it is for children; however, it seems to me that you both are interjecting personal bias when describing the actions of all or most divorces. Not all custody arrangements are the result of selfishness and I do not believe that most are either without seeing actual supporting evidence... Without going into detail, at the end of my parents' marriage they were "doing it for the children". It ultimately didn't work out so they divorced. My mother got custody and my father got visitation rights. In the end, it seems things worked out for the best that way.

Just giving an alternate point of view. I don't believe that "usually" the children get screwed over. It may feel like that at the time (I was heartbroken for several months) but many years later (I'm 26 now), I can appreciate the situation and decisions my parents made from a more mature perspective.

[BasharOfTheAges]

Trust me, as a child of a divorce, I can promise you that custody battles are long and fought out and usually very stressful on small children. It's very mentally and emotionally draining, and usually the child's wellbeing is rarely the case.

I understand the "controversy" here and being a child run through the divorce process as well, all I can say is that its a battle between two angry adults and both parties are usually acting very selfishly.

My parents divorced when I was 11 so I'm very aware how stressful it is for children; however, it seems to me that you both are interjecting personal bias when describing the actions of all or most divorces. Not all custody arrangements are the result of selfishness and I do not believe that most are either without seeing actual supporting evidence... Without going into detail, at the end of my parents' marriage they were "doing it for the children". It ultimately didn't work out so they divorced. My mother got custody and my father got visitation rights. In the end, it seems things worked out for the best that way.

Just giving an alternate point of view. I don't believe that "usually" the children get screwed over. It may feel like that at the time (I was heartbroken for several months) but many years later (I'm 26 now), I can appreciate the situation and decisions my parents made from a more mature perspective.

Lucky you. I can't even begin to count the stories i've been around that at the very least involve the parents using their children to get back at one another through subtle conditioning, outright brainwashing, using the kid's needs and wants to financially punish or stress each other, using the children's activities, friends, and hobbies to inconvenience each others personal, professional, and family schedules, etc. etc. Bitter divorcees can and do use their kids to get under each others skin in those tried and true ways that led to the divorce in the first place.

[kenisama]

@ Corran

You know, it seems we went through our parent's divorce around the same time according to your age references you made and of course my view is biased, it's my view. Additionally, I think divorce period is a selfish out. Which is not to say that anyone should suffer through a crappy marriage, but when you get a divorce, its for YOUR reasons and your reasons alone.

Granted, I like how I turned out now that I'm 26 myself. I consider my life a success, I got the house, wife, two kids (one each gender), and a dog. So I can agree with you there. But really, I never got fatherly advise from my Dad, only the motherly advise from my Mother, and I want to make sure my son gets both.

Besides, weren't we talking about Japan on this issue?

[Corran]

I can't even begin to count the stories...

I'm not denying that it happens. ...just pointing out that generalized statements posed as a fact should not be based solely on an individual's own personal experience. In my opinion, "everything ultimately worked out for the best" stories are boring and I can imagine that they don't get told as often or don't stick in peoples' minds as easily. I don't think I've even told my 6 roommates about my parents' divorce details despite living in Chicago with most of them for over a year now. They might have inferred as much from me saying "my step-father" occasionally, but, in general, it just doesn't seem like something worth talking about unless a conversation ever started to drift that way.

Anyways... this topic is starting to go a little off course. I originally posted it because:

1. it seems fairly screwed up that a Japanese lady without full custody can simply fly her children to Japan and get it without regard to the US legal system and get away with it.
2. "Parental child abduction is not considered a crime in Japan." sounds ridiculous on its face. Especially considering this case involves a father and his children.
3. "[In Japanese divorces,] one parent typically makes a complete and lifelong break from the children" is news to me and I imagine most westerners (or at least Americans)

This local article seems a little more thorough: http://www.newschannel5.com/Global/story.asp?S=11214752

[kenisama]

well, now I'm an ass

I only read your synopsis and weighed my thoughts on those. after reading the actual article, I see this happened in the US and the fact that it happened in the US changes things, because here, it's wrong. And since she committed the crime in the US, she needs to face charges in the US. Unfortunately, I'm sure Japan won't extradite her due to their laws.

I apologize for my laziness and not reading the full article before hand, would've saved me a lot of typing

In a nutshell, I completely agree with you on how fucked up this is.

[CodeZTM]

I completely agree with you on how fucked up this is.

THIS, but I still think US Custody/Divorce laws are ridiculous, and that opinion will never change with me.