I think that the anime/ song combo was pretty good, and so you didn't really need to start the video off with dialogue from the show. AMVs should be able to speak for themselves without it. Also, if you are going to use dialogue from the show, make sure to use parts that don't have any additional background music in them. I would also suggest that you try to place scenes with similar movements next to each other. You often had scenes with a lot of action and movement in them get interrupted by scenes that barely had any movement at all (or moved in a completely different direction or pace). When you place similar moving scenes together, it helps generate flow and starts the draw the viewer into the video. Here is a video tutorial by Vivifx that does a good job at explaining flow
https://youtu.be/J5Jjxb6Lw7s