Another Piece Of Programming Humour

danielwang · Post by **danielwang** » Mon Jul 28, 2003 2:20 am

This was inspired by the Darth Vader's Imperial Destroyer Network Issues humour article.

[Scene from "Gundam Wing" where Heero tried to self-detonate]
Heero: Dammit, can't even self-detonate. Guess i'll call tech support.
Tech: Hello, this is LinuxCare-contracted tech support, problem?
Heero: Yes. I've been captured by Oz and want to self-detonate, but the system is not going to runlevel 0.
Tech: Which command did you issue?
Heero: I pressed the covered button on the dashboard. I think it's tty7.
Tech: Is tty7 logged in?
Heero: No. Oh, that might be the problem... i'll do it manually
Heero: Ok, it didn't work.
Tech: What command did you issue?
Heero: sudo shutdown -p now
Tech: no, you need to have a real, not effective UID 0. Sudo and Runas won't work.
Heero: su doesn't seem to work either. Apparently the shell for root is "vi /dev/random", causing seg faults all over the place.
Tech: Can you manually actiavate the device?
Heero: echo "1" /dev/blowup/myself
Tech: I guess it didn't. Wait a minute, are you in the Wing Zero?
Heero: Um, yes.
Tech: Asea Brown Boveri powerbus with Honeywell controllers?
Heero: Yes, they're Linux based. So, oh, I get it.
Tech: Just alias "destruct" to "exec sudo echo 80000 > /dev/weapons/beamrifle.charge". The honeywell doesn't have any overcharge protection, so the capacitators will blow up. You might try it now.
Heero: It just entered "Power Save" mode on the LCD.
Tech: Get the SNMP MIB, and the charge.level?
Heero: Yeah, just a sec. It's reading a charge of 14465.
Tech: Sounds familiar... wait, you're having buffer overflow errors. Anything over 65535 will integer rollover.
Heero: So that's why it never charges up to the physical max of 70000?
Tech: Um, yes. You might try upgrading the firmware chip with software off of the manufacturer's website. Did this solve your problem?
Heero: Kernel panic. No, but I'm fine for now. Thanks, bye.
Tech: Pleased to be of help. Ciao.
[dials another number]
Apple: Hello, Apple Computer Sales...
Heero: I have a problem here.
Apple: And that problem is...
Heero: Debian Linux.
Apple: Oh, that is serious. Hold on for just a second...

KhayotiK · Post by **KhayotiK** » Mon Jul 28, 2003 2:24 am

Aetherfukz · Post by **Aetherfukz** » Mon Jul 28, 2003 3:17 am

LOL

What I always love when reading someone else's source code are the comments like "this is just to make the java compiler happy" ..?!

danielwang · Post by **danielwang** » Mon Jul 28, 2003 12:51 pm

I've actually tried some of these tricks before on my hacking boxes... /dev/urandom is a ready source of segmentation faults when read, and you can even direct it to the /dev/sound/dsp, /dev/fd0, /dev/eth0, or even (if installed) the PC speaker.

Slackerware Lamex wrote:Setting up swapspace cersion 1, size=150695936 bytes
mount: wrong fs type, bad option, bad superblock on /dev/hda1 or too many mounted file systems
bash: complain: command not found

P.S.
vipw does in fact require a real uid of 0 as it edits the shadow files, and "sudo vipw" doesn't work.

BishounenStalker · Post by **BishounenStalker** » Mon Jul 28, 2003 7:28 pm

The Scott Adams Version:

Heero: Dammit, can't even self-detonate. Guess i'll call tech support.
Tech: Hello, this is LinuxCare-contracted tech support, problem?
Heero: Yes. I've been captured by Oz and want to self-detonate, but the system is not going to runlevel 0.
Tech: Can't help you. It's Windows' fault.
Heero: I'm using Linux, you moron.
Tech: I know. But they don't pay me enough to deal with idiots like you who can't throw a lit match in your fuel pack. So I blame Windows.
Heero: [silently weighing his options] ....Where are your headquarters located?....

Summanaro · Post by **Summanaro** » Mon Jul 28, 2003 7:34 pm

BishounenStalker wrote:The Scott Adams Version:

Heero: Dammit, can't even self-detonate. Guess i'll call tech support.
Tech: Hello, this is LinuxCare-contracted tech support, problem?
Heero: Yes. I've been captured by Oz and want to self-detonate, but the system is not going to runlevel 0.
Tech: Can't help you. It's Windows' fault.
Heero: I'm using Linux, you moron.
Tech: I know. But they don't pay me enough to deal with idiots like you who can't throw a lit match in your fuel pack. So I blame Windows.
Heero: [silently weighing his options] ....Where are your headquarters located?....

that version is more funny and easier to understand.

priuscomet · Post by **priuscomet** » Mon Jul 28, 2003 8:16 pm

Summanaro wrote:
BishounenStalker wrote:The Scott Adams Version:

Heero: Dammit, can't even self-detonate. Guess i'll call tech support.
Tech: Hello, this is LinuxCare-contracted tech support, problem?
Heero: Yes. I've been captured by Oz and want to self-detonate, but the system is not going to runlevel 0.
Tech: Can't help you. It's Windows' fault.
Heero: I'm using Linux, you moron.
Tech: I know. But they don't pay me enough to deal with idiots like you who can't throw a lit match in your fuel pack. So I blame Windows.
Heero: [silently weighing his options] ....Where are your headquarters located?....
that version is more funny and easier to understand.

LOL! i agree...

i actually laughed at this one...LOL!

danielwang · Post by **danielwang** » Mon Jul 28, 2003 11:17 pm

priuscomet wrote:The Scott Adams Version:

Heero: Dammit, can't even self-detonate. Guess i'll call tech support.
Tech: Hello, this is LinuxCare-contracted tech support, problem?
Heero: Yes. I've been captured by Oz and want to self-detonate, but the system is not going to runlevel 0.
Tech: Can't help you. It's Windows' fault.
Heero: I'm using Linux, you moron.
Tech: I know. But they don't pay me enough to deal with idiots like you who can't throw a lit match in your fuel pack. So I blame Windows.
Heero: [silently weighing his options] ....Where are your headquarters located?....

that version is more funny and easier to understand.

Just so you know, the fuel pack on the Gundam is most likely accessed externally and not accessible from the cockpit (NFPA regulations). Along with other isolation codes and standards, it would take an outside trip to even access the feul chamber. The fuel is also likely to be solid state.

[begin nitpicking]
[ is freeze framing an episode that shows the insides of a Gundam ]

HEY! THAT DOESN'T FOLLOW IEEE CODES!
If you've seen episode 90x(?) of Mobile Suit Gundam (the one where the intern goes out to the mobile suit and finds a briefcase, but the mech blows up), please note that the engineering is obviously flawed, the materials cheap, the systems buggy and of course not up to code. The three phase voltage supply must have a ground, coloured green or bare. The hydraulics should have a auxiliary release valve and mechanical overpressure automatic bleeding. All hydraulics should be isolated appropriately from the solid feul zones, and I don't see a single spec on the cyclinder. That'll never pass standard.

Sounds like the complete idiots at Airbus designed these machines. What else could explain it?

X:1999 Negligible Detail Number 0x00D3
When the Dragons of Earth fight, they (allegedly) create a dimensional barrier which protects against changes to the actual world. Apparently, the shield fails (and damage occurs) if the opponent is killed, but there isn't any worry that previous shilds will fail eventually. So the theory is that the dimensions are copied. If this is the case, why can't one or multiple shielding regions be distributed over multiple persons? It's obviously risky to send in the person who contructed the shield zone. eYet another technical discontinuity, brought to you by Daniel Wang.