Nice entry! Always great to see people continuing as non-competing, cause you know you're just editing for your own sake
I really liked how the editing was paced - it was generally pretty clean, uncomplicated, evenly-cut and smoothly transitioned. Where I think the main weakness was would be scene choices - for the first half of the video, there are a lot of characters basically doing nothing, but then once it gets going in the second half, there's also a fair bit of repetition. There's only one real action scene which basically comes back more than once.
I think one thing that you could do here is actually keep the video shorter. There's definitely a story, but you could tell it in a much shorter video with some clever audio editing.
Keep it up!