No matter how much I love this community and it's members I can not deal with the behind the scenes pettiness anymore. While I know certain parties will be disappointed in me, I can't take this toxic atmosphere. I've hit my limit and while the last straw was a small one, it's the one that broke the camel's back. I've been told many times that stepping down is selfish and will have a negative impact on the community and while I've honestly never seen myself as that important, I do sincerely apologize for what I'm doing. As I said, this really does break my heart to do but I'm doing this for my own emotional wellness.
Those that know me personally know that every setback, every argument, and every victory affected me in a big way. This wasn't just something that I saw on the internet and went about my day after reading, this shaped how my day went. I've let social obligations go ignored, I've let my stats at work go to hell, and I've had amazing days because I was part of this administration. Sadly, more of the first two and less of the third.
While I've never been shy about it, I suffer from depression. I didn't come from the best home life and suicidal thoughts have followed me for a very large part of my life. Every day is a struggle but if it wasn't for the Org and the amazing people on it, I would be dead already. I've made an attempt in the past and if it wasn't for the friends I've made on this site, I was planning on making that attempt a success shortly after I turned 18.
Because of that, I was happy to help where I could. I loved talking with new members and giving them even a small taste of the help and friendliness that was shown to me. I will still be more than happy to help and assist any new member or editor that comes my way. You guys deserve better.
I am well aware certain parties were not and are not happy with my presence and that regardless of what I do, I am apparently unwanted. Congrats, you got your wish. You've done a great job at helping break my spirit and I'm done. I hope you enjoy all of your glory. I don't want any of it. You disgust me on a professional level and as a human being. You are the only reason that I am leaving the administration.
I still hope that one day this site will be redesigned and the user base will pick back up. It really was something fantastic back in the day and I don't think I'll ever fully be able to let go of that hope. I've tried, but I can't. Whether it's by the small but dedicated effort of those working on the redesign or a perfectly timed bus that manages to iron out the issues with this administration, I really do hope to see it improve. I'll still be around the community, just not as an admin anymore. I'm still happy to help where and when I can and I always will be. I'm still not done hosting contests either! Roulette is way too much fun and The Quickening will never fully die. Nothing excites me more than to see creativity at work and editors having a fantastic time. Whether they'll be on here or another site remains to be seen.
Those on the administration that remain, you guys are amazing. dokidoki is still one of the greatest editors and best guys I've ever known. Mirko is reliable and incredibly smart. Nya sticks it out and is a great level headed opinion when things get messy. Replay got dem magic legs ;D. Vlad, you're the best dad a community could ask for. Meatwad, while we've had our issues in the past I do wish you the best. And of course to all the guys working quietly behind the scenes without pretty colors attached to their names, you're heroes.
Tim, if you could remove my admin status that would be greatly appreciated.
