Kai Stromler wrote:Here's a start:
HOW TO BE A JERK ON THE ORG
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This guide is a step-by-step walkthrough on how to be a complete asshole at animemusicvideos.org. Since most of the perception of "jerk" takes place on the forums, most of the insights here will apply to forum conduct, but there are some that are applicable to the catalog, or "real", part of the site as well.
STEP 1: Signing up
First, pick a username. It is very important that this start with "SS" or "SSJ"; this one factor will have the instant effect of destroying 90% of your credibility with almost everyone. You can then continue with your real first name, or the name of a Naruto character, and a random 2- to 4-digit number. At first, this number can be your birthday, but after you get banned a couple times, it will allow you to make new, non-banned accounts with almost the same username until the admins eventually ban your whole damn IP range.
Good examples: SSBrian31; SSJKakashi8291
Bad example: SSAdolf1488 (This is likely to get you banned too fast to be a real jerk)
Now that you have a username, pick a random password. Pretend to forget it within minutes of signing up and email the admins about it instead of using the auto-remind feature. The correct form for this email is along these lines:
"pleeeez ad giv me my pasword i cant login to amvorg plz plz hepl meeee!!1"
Repeat this several times with appropriate variations, and put at least one of them in the subject line if your email client allows. You may want to experiment with putting this message in all caps.
Now make another account with a more normal username (use a random character from a random anime selected from
ANN's Encyclopedia for this step), reporting to a different email account. This will be your sockpuppet account, which is very important to have if you want to be a real jerk on the forums.
STEP 2: Self-introduction
Post a welcome thread. The best place to post is probably in General AMV, as it has the highest traffic, but if you want to really establish your jerkitude in the eyes of people who matter, post it somewhere bizarre, like Heads Up or Audio Help. You get a lot of Cojones Points, but little actual effect, if you post your spam self-introduction thread in the Mod Box.
When making this post, and all subsequent posts, you must:
1) Ignore rules of English spelling and grammar
2) sp33k int4rnet lol as much as possible
3) use no punctuation (except the exclamation point)
and
4) pick to either always post in all caps or always post with no caps.
This helps to make your post unreadable and annoying; large bold italic colored fonts and excessive use of smileys (there are 22 of them available for a reason) should be employed with strategic care when you really want to clog threads.
If someone posts on your introduction thread, make a stupid remark (just short of insulting) about their avatar. If a mod locks your thread before this happens, immediately post another thread calling the mod in question a dick. If someone posts in the Mod Box to the effect that your thread is stupid and should be locked, post a message in the Mod Box to the effect that the complainer is a dick and should be banned.
STEP 3: Introduction To Forum Jackholing
Read the stickies in all forums to see what kinds of threads are prohibited there. Post at least two of all types and challenge the mods to lock them.
Jump into other people's threads and bitch about your threads being locked. If there is contentious debate going on, pick a side and insult them relentlessly.
Go into General Music and pick a fight with son_gohan. Fight back when everyone else starts yelling at you for driving up the retard quotient.
Post questions about Premiere in Hardware Help, and about your l33t n00 2.4 GHz P4 dat t0tallee sm0kez l4me ath10nz in Software Help. Get defensive when people tell you you're off-topic, and pretend to know more than you do.
Go in to Site Suggestions and request an Off-Topic board. Post a "
THIS JOB IS TOO HARD!!" message in Site Help and whine about how you aren't really retarded, and everyone else is just being mean to you.
Find a thread that Hatter has posted in. Necro it if necessary in order to cast aspersions on his technical competence.
Necropost, especially on topics in General Anime which have current discussions on the front page. Lash out at people who flame you for necroposting.
STEP 4: Being A Goit On The Main Site
Search for videos listed as "proxy". Randomly select seven or eight of them, including at least one made by a known creator, and list them in your profile. Dump random misspelled garbage in the description entries or leave them blank, and mark the video as participating in every contest listed on the site.
Make a new entry using some non-anime video source and Unknown, "Unknown" for the music. Manually enter these into the catalog if you have to. Leave a premiere date in the distant past and say that you are working on this idea, which is going to be your biggest and best yet. Again, list it as participating in all contests.
As far as the database allows, make a "bucket video" incorporating as many anime and as many songs from the most-overused-artist list as you have the patience to select. Also list this as participating in all contests.
Make a Naruto video from the latest-released episode and a random song from one of the nu-metal outfits in the top 5 most overused. Make no real effort at synch, and be sure to
a) use WMM
b) export to .wmv at a maximum filesize of 10 MB
c) spend no longer than 15 minutes on the whole process
and
d) leave in as many subtitles as necessary
Post this to the Donut and list it as participating in all contests.
STEP 5: Pimping Your Video Like A Goon
Post a thread in each of the forums announcing that you have made a new video. Include no information on content, location, style, whatever. Follow all rules above on "flaming back". After the furor dies down, and after you get unbanned, post another rash of threads (in General AMV, Announcements, Suggestions, General Anime, and General Video) with pertinent information. Go into Op Exchange and beg for ops, then not do them (or give all 1s with minimal comments).
Post on every thread on the first page of AMV announcements with your video information. Flame people who call you a threadjacker.
STEP 6: Advanced Forum Jackholing
Page-widen everywhere. The best way to do this is with ridiculously long URLs, which the site does not break, truncate, or wrap.
Post excessive numbers of excessively large pictures on all GA picture threads. Flame the 56kers relentlessly when they complain.
If a debate is going on in a thread, quote the last post in its entirety and add"x2". Do this for every possible thread. Flame the people who accuse you of spamming.
Find a thread with broken picture links (red-x attack). Post in the Mod Box accusing the person who posted them of linking to porn.
Beg for an invite in the Corbo Bash thread. If you want to get extra points for this, necro a Corbo Bash thread from several years ago and beg for an invite.
On any thread about any band in General Music, post that people should make more videos to some band already on the 30-most-used list. Do this exhaustively.
Pick a random topic and two public lab/library computers, then have you and your sockpuppet account hold a long and insightful conversation. Keep it going for at least two pages, and hotly deny it when the mods accuse you of sockpuppeting.
Spam. Constantly. Like a monkey with Tourettes.
STEP 7: Advanced Main-Site Idiocy
Go through the Top 10% list, doing the following:
a) rank the video as straight 1s
b) copy-and-paste the entire text of "The Eye of Argon" into the general-comments box.
Continue doing this to any video you find until you are #1 on "Most Useful" and "Most Opinions".
Have your sockpuppet account(s) give your crappy, no-effort video straight 10s. If others give the video what it actually deserves, whine about them to the mods.
If and when one of your accounts gets banned, have your active account(s) throw straight-10s ops at all videos under that account, then justify it as so you could read what other new ops had come in when people get after you for doing so.
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Still needed:
How To Be An Asshole In The Chat
50 Easy Ways To Piss Off The Mods
How To Just Barely Not Get Banned
However, this should be a decent start.
--K
he spams a bit much, but he's a nice guy if you get to know him.
