killing tigers(attempt #2)

theocide · Post by **theocide** » Fri Apr 25, 2003 9:46 am

[scenario: 1/ "Old Friends"]

theo and Hatter sit reclined in a hammoc watching the sunset. They are speaking gently and understandingly to one another. A pair of tigers are sexing playfully 30 yards upwind. The silouette of a lone caribou munching away at the sand is set out against the orange sky. The air is warm.

theo: "...these days i find myself feeling sort of unfocused and out of tune... like im just all... i dunno... going the wrong way."
hatter: "i could sense a bit of the anxiety in your voice over the phone."
theo: "and every time i try changing my direction or fix things they always seem to end up... the same as before."
hatter: "sounds almost like a midlife crisis except that we're 15 years too young for that..."
theo: "well it's not all as serious as im making it sound. i guess in general im happy....
hatter: "ya ever hear the one about the old man in the canoe?"
theo: "haha. ya know it's so refreshing to be around someone who i can actually communicate with instead of the same old droning on with dull colleagues and clients"
hatter: "true. i do miss the old days- me and you drinkin and stayin up all night just talkin"
theo: "ya wanna go for a walk?"

The two stand up and begin to walk north up the beach. They stop five feet from the fucking tigers. The tigers look over at them, then proceed as they were. theo points the gun at the male's head and takes the shot.

hatter: "so how's it goin with that girl uh... what's her name... owns the bar-"
theo: "Crystal."
hatter: "right. right. how is she?"

The female tiger, seeming to not notice or perhaps not care about the male's condition, continues to molest the corpes. theo hands hatter the gun.

theo: "uh it's NOT gonna work out. we tend to get ignore eachother at home and for some reason lately we're just really awkward around eachother in public. plus i think she's got something for my boss."

Hatter calmly nuzzles the barrel into the female's ear and fires.

hatter: "huh i thought you two were pretty good together"
theo: "well yeah for a while... i guess when we got a little adjusted to eachother we just lost interest."

They continue past the tigers walking smooth and relaxed.

theo: "how's megan?
hatter: "ha! i can't believe forgot to tell ya. we're havin another kid!"
theo: "wow congratulations. good news! how many weeks is she... (etc., etc.)
[/Scenario]

fyrtenheimer · Post by **fyrtenheimer** » Fri Apr 25, 2003 9:48 am

LOL

Gabe, you're fucken crazy.

NME · Post by **NME** » Fri Apr 25, 2003 9:48 am

I think I speak for everyone when I say:

SHUT THE FUCK UP

theocide · Post by **theocide** » Fri Apr 25, 2003 9:48 am

[Scenario: 2/ "Killer Party"]

theocide, The_Mad_Hatter, Jebadia, Khayotic, and Fyrtenheimer are hangin' out over at Jebadia's place. They're sitting in a low-lit living room puffing and passing a joint. The house is very large and very old and much of it is not used. Often you can find birds' nest in the attic and stray cats in the kitchen and there are tigers like cochroaches in the walls.

Hatter: "oh man i had the most fuct up dream last night. i was like walking... through like a swamp er somethin... and all of a sudden this guy like jumps out and fuckin scares the shit out of me and im runnin away from him and he's right behind me the whole time and he's like eating popcorn as he's running and that's all i can hear is crunching popcorn."
Khayotic: "man you're fucked up. my dreams are always fuckin stupid like i'm stayin with my grandparents in the summer and they make me go to summer school and shit and when i get on the bus im like holdin a candybar and it turn into a pencil or some shit"

Fyrt laughs her ass off.

Fyrt: "oh my god you guys are so funny. what do you dream about jeb?"
Jeb: "ah i never remember any of my dreams. when i do they're just stupid anyway."
theo: "this is some good weed khayotic. how much you wanna sell some for?"
Khayotic: "shit i don't got enough to sell... but ill smoke it with ya so it's cool."
theo: "right on man"

A tiger scurries across the floor. theocide jumps up and squashes it with his boot.

Fyrt: "ew gross look it made a big red spot."
theo: "oh nasty it's all over my shoe."
Hatter: "damn Jeb you gotta call uh what's it called a termin- uh a uh an exterminater dude."
Jeb: "nah we're movin out soon. heheh we're gonna leave that problem to the whoever moves in."
Fyrt: "oh jebby you didn't tell me you were moving. where are ya goin?"
Jeb: "it's not far it-
Khayotic: "hey theo let's fuckin roastin some of those tigers. somebody gimme a liter."
theo: "i got one. let's go. i bet there's shitload in the basement."

theo and Khayotic leave.

Hatter: "haha man those fuckin retards."
Jeb: "anyway it's like on the left as you're goin out on 62 toward Eureka. ill still be goin to the same school of course."
Fyrt: "that's cool. i wanna see it. is it nice?"
Jeb: "it's alright it's better than this... (etc., etc.)
[/Scenario]

theocide · Post by **theocide** » Fri Apr 25, 2003 9:50 am

Veldrin wrote:[Scenario: 3/ "Theocide gets it..."]

[ ]
[ Pic ]
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theocide, The_Mad_Hatter, Jebadia, Khayotic, and Fyrtenheimer are hangin' out in the middle of the street about 5 mins beofre rush hour.

Hatter: Hey guys whats up?
Jebadia: Nothing much. Just hanging in the street getting ready to throw stones at cars.

Fyrt, still high, laughs her ass off

Khayotic: I have a small penis, I want a big rock.
Hatter and Jebadia at the same time: We all need big rocks.

Fyrt laughs her ass off.

Theocide walks to them from the flower store.

Theo: Whats up guys? I was just hiding my homosexuality by standing in a flower show and I saw you all out here.
Hatter: We are just waiting for cars so we can throw rocks at them.

Suddenly a tiger jumps out from an alley, but it is killed by jebadia's rock which he threw even though I didnt say he did up until this point.

Khayotic laughs his ass off..... er I mean fyrt, and I mean her.

Jebadia: Theo we like you and all...... but...
Hatter: I think what jeb means is.......
Khayotic: Here you guys, let me tell him without words.

Khayotic then procedes to hit theo in the head with his big rock making theo fall to the ground.

Jebadia: Woah, I was thinking the same thing! Comeone hatter lets join in.

Then everyone buy fyrt hits theo with rocks of various size. At this point theo is passed out. Fyrt laughs her ass off.

Jebadia: Well that was fun. Lets go, traffic is coming.

So they all walk away as traffic comes. The rush hour traffic of course kill theo becuase hes in the street in all. So everyone is happy, and to celebrate fyrt is taken back to jeb's house where she is toe raped until she stops laughing.

Towns people rejoice (etc., etc.)

[/Scenario]

theocide · Post by **theocide** » Fri Apr 25, 2003 9:52 am

[Scenario 4/ "Picnic"]

Veldrin is in love with Fyrtenheimer. Fyrtenheimer thinks that they are just friends. Veldrin asks Fyrtenheimer to go out to the country with him on a picnic for the day. They find a spot in a tiger pasture next to a big oak tree. They are sitting on a big quilt talking and munching on apples. theocide, they're friend from school, is visiting his aunt to whom the tigers and the land belong. The day is sunny there are a few clouds and no wind. theocide's aunt asks him to go out and tend to the live-stock.

Veldrin: "oh fyrt did i mention i really like your dress?"
Fyrt: "oh thanks velly. god i gotta take a piss."

Fyrt hops onto her feet and goes around to the other side of the tree and squats.

Veldrin: "uh oh do uh you want me to turn around er-"
Fyrt: "why? can you see through trees?"

Fyrt returns and sits

Veldrin: "heheh... so uh it's a beautiful day isn't it?"
Fyrt: "yeah it's alright. do you know who owns this place?"
Veldrin: "hun-uh i've never been here before....
Fyrt: "...hmm"
Veldrin: "so... uh... oh i watched that movie that you told me to see. ya know the one with that guy from Dawson's Creek. it was really good."
Fyrt: "oh yeah! ive seen that like 5 times already. have you seen- ah!"

Veldrin open-arm lunges at Fyrt knocking her over and desparately thrusts his lips onto her face. Fyrt is stunned for a moment then kicks him off.

Fyrt: "what the hell's your problem?"
Veldrin: "i jus-"

Just then, theocide comes over the hill.

theo: "wow! hey guys what's up?"

Fyrt jumps to her feet.

Fyrt: "oh nothin theo!-"
Veldrin: "what are you doin here theocide?"

Fyrt shoots Veldrin an evil glance.

theo: "im feedin the tigers. my aunt owns this place. what are you guys doin?"
Veldrin: "oh we were uh havin a-"
Fyrt: "we were just hangin out. having a picnic actually. nice place your aunt's got. hey ya mind if i go with ya? ill help ya out. you can show me around.
theo: "well im done feeding them. i gotta go and slaughter one of the herds right now. i doubt you guys would wanna see that. ill just leave ya alone."
Fyrt: "uh no my dad's a mob boss. remember? i help him butcher bodies sometime so im totally used to seeing gore. plus im totally bored.
theo: "alright cool let's go."

Fyrt and theo begin walking. Veldrin remains sitting. theo turns back to him.

theo: "hey ya comin velly?"
Veldrin: "uh right."
Fyrt: "don't forget your little quilt. and get the rest of the shit too."

[/Scenario]

theocide · Post by **theocide** » Fri Apr 25, 2003 9:54 am

NME wrote:I think I speak for everyone when I say:

SHUT THE FUCK UP

sorry NME but i liked this thread

fyrtenheimer · Post by **fyrtenheimer** » Fri Apr 25, 2003 10:07 am

NME wrote:I think I speak for everyone when I say:

SHUT THE FUCK UP

You could do the same

penis in yo drink mix

Kamoc · Post by **Kamoc** » Fri Apr 25, 2003 3:24 pm

country style lemonade.

NME · Post by **NME** » Fri Apr 25, 2003 3:35 pm

p3N1$ 1n Y0 |\/|IX3|) |)ri|\|K