The Vent Thread

[JaddziaDax]

birthday kinda sucked due to family drama.....


i wasn't looking for anything to happen, no party, no fun events or anything, but my family managed to suck the fun out of even the mundane day I wanted to have.

[Radical_Yue]

It's hot, I've got a headache, and still 2 more hours left of my 10 hour shift before I have to rush out the door to go shopping so I can rush home and make dinner before going to bed.

Oh. And my stats for today?




lolnope

[Ileia]

I'll make you dinner and feed you some freezie pops

[Radical_Yue]

I'll make you dinner and feed you some freezie pops

Freeeezie pops

[Dr. Derpface, J.D.]

My fucking brother FINALLY gets a job, so that means he can start paying back the money he's owed me for over a year, right? Silly me. What the fuck was I thinking? I tell him he needs to start paying me back because I have financial worries of my own, and it's "Well....I mean, there's an extra paycheck this month, but......" and that sort of heel-dragging.

HOWEVER......he's got the money to buy beer. He's got new games for his PS4. He manages to have money to buy weed.

As much as I'm quick to get angry, I'm not a violent person at all. But how I haven't fucking strangled what I'm owed out of him is fucking beyond me. Goddamn little wankstain piece of fucking shit pothead cock-gobbling assclown.

[Qyot27]

So I got a job offer from Macy's for a seasonal position when I went to an interview nearly two weeks ago. I had to wait until after the background check for them to call me and set up a time to train. I got the personal copy of the background check on Monday (an entire week after the interview), so I then had to wait for the call. I figured that since I remembered something about Fridays and the schedule that the background check got to them too late and I'd have to wait until yesterday or today to hear from them, but this was causing me to get more anxious and second-guess myself. I resolved that if I didn't get a call by Saturday morning, I'd go down there on Saturday afternoon and ask.

I made my mom aware of this the night before, and since I didn't get a call this morning I reminded her again today after she got home from work. But not right then; she was too tired and had to sleep, and wouldn't go when it was raining. So, not starting off well here.

Well, in waiting for the rain to stop, they actually *did* finally call. And that's when everything went to Hell. My parents start screaming to answer the phone, but by the time I get over to it to answer it, the machine had already picked up and my attempts to answer it failed. But this caused the machine to stop playing the message over the speaker, so only I could hear the second half of the message where the number to call back was given. After hanging up, it also turns out the machine didn't record the second half of the message, and I couldn't remember the number given, wherein my parents (but mostly my dad) start in on talking over me when I keep saying the number that showed up on the Caller ID and the one given in the message were different. So at this point I already knew the only way to fix this was to go there in person, but in humoring them I used the callback function...to get the operator instead, and not the department that had just called (like I was already saying).

But that wasn't enough: they kept on with the 'but there was no second half of the message'...because they didn't hear it. And so they kept going on about the number on the Caller ID, and I'd already had it. The frustration was already in my voice. I go back to my room to cool off and get ready to go down there.

I come back out into the living room, and my mom immediately starts with, "don't you think you need to apologize now?" To be clear, I was not insulting them. I was not berating them. The only thing that happened was that my voice was agitated and they could tell I was angry that things were going wrong. And that's the thing: growing up, and even into adulthood, if we were angry, we were the ones that did wrong and we needed to apologize to them for it, whether it was justified anger or not, and whether we'd actually said anything actually mean to them or not (most times, we hadn't).

I'd had it. At that point I did tell them off a little, by calling out how condescending they were just being, but again, I wasn't lacing it with insults or swearing or anything. They keep trying to turn it around to fault me by saying, 'how are you supposed to handle this at work then?', and when I responded (correctly, and realistically) that at work I wouldn't get angry like that, the response was 'well, it's good to know that you think so little of us that you give us this little respect at home'. It's always about this warped idea of 'respect' they have, which is that children are never allowed to be angry at their parents for anything, and any anger or frustration is automatically 'disrespecting' them. My dad then goes on to rant about how I've been 'trampling on their respect for years while they've been nothing but supportive' and that 'they could have thrown me out onto the street at any time'.

They saw that I had anxiety, depression, and panic attacks in high school, and on many other occasions in later years. No matter how many job applications I put in over the years, I never got calls back. But that just meant we were 'lazy' and deserved to be punished for not having jobs, not for not looking for jobs. Then the economy went in the toilet, and made it virtually impossible when you had no other financial means to get educated, with my anxiety issues keeping me isolated from my friends. When my mom actually managed to get hired a few years ago, I mostly took over the few pieces of housework she would do. And I can't stand being in the same room as my dad most of the time because he won't shut up about the right-wing nonsense he idolizes, which leads to me mostly cloistering myself in my room in the evening and having increased anxiety levels to boot.

I wasn't going to continue to take this, so I was going to go over to my grandparents' and ask them to take down to the store to talk to HR. I manage to walk over there (the rain had slowed to a light drizzle by this point), and the rage is now rapidly devolving into a breakdown. I barely manage to choke out the question if they'd take me over to Macy's, and then collapsed in hysterics of a level that I'd not dealt with since 2006, right before they had my wisdom teeth removed and I was freaking out over the anaesthetic, or the couple of times in high school I had emotional breaks like this that weren't panic attacks. And I know that's what it is, because after it subsided, the numbness that always followed those attacks set in. I did manage to get down there and set dates for training, but good job ruining what should have been something to celebrate. I'm still numb.

[Radical_Yue]

@Qyot27, that kind of situation is something I recognize all too well. They know better because they're older and they deserve respect because they bumped uglies one night, pushed you out, and raised you. My mother pulled the same shit always calling me disrespectful or, her favorite, ungrateful.
Isn't it always hilarious how while you're growing up you're constantly reminded that you have to earn respect from other people, yet family members demand it just because you're related to them? Don't get me wrong, I know that it's not bad all the time and that raising a child isn't easy, but respecting someone as a person and loving them as a parent are two separate things in my book.

It's hard when a parent is your biggest bully. My mother used to beat the shit out of me and emotionally abuse me. I haven't lived at home for over 6 years, haven't seen her since, and I still have issues with the shit she put me through. She likes to text me on a regular basis to either tell me how much she loves me or to call me a shitty daughter who is going to hell because of my ungrateful and sinning ways. She'll remind me of the things she did for me but will never be able to recall the injuries she caused or how many times I found my belongings smashed to pieces. The memory is funny like that, isn't it?

The best advice I can give you is to keep your head down and try and stay off their radar. Avoid asking them for favors or help and if they're going off on you about something that is moronic and you know better, just let them have it. You can not educate the ignorant and you're just going hurt yourself by trying to. It's a shitty situation but if you can hang in there, you too will make it out on to better things where you no longer have to answer to those people.

You are a good person and don't ever let them make you think otherwise.

[Pwolf]

I did manage to get down there and set dates for training

Sorry about everything before this line but read this a few times... This is all that matters. Congratulations and goodluck!

[Qyot27]

Thanks guys.

Fortunately, these spats are less common on the whole, it's just that when the flareups happen, their defensiveness brings out the kind of stuff I described; they don't randomly go off on us about things out of the blue. I've mostly handled it by reading up on things that can help me identify and analyze the behavior and the why of these situations, and some things my [maternal] grandparents (and my mom) have told me about my dad's relationship with his parents prior to them getting married makes me feel like I have a pretty good handle on exactly what lead to this over time - not that I agree with it, obviously, but I know the causes. My dad reacts to anger and escalates it, my mom tries to dispel it and ends up trying to actively stifle it.

Despite the recent uptick in stress, some things recently have made me feel more personally encouraged. A couple weeks before the interview, I signed up for a DMV-required Basic Rider's Course a local Harley dealership was offering for free so that I can upgrade my long-held (I got it in early 2003) Learner's Permit to a Motorcycle-only License, which will eventually make it possible to transport myself places. Even if the earnings from the seasonal job won't be enough to buy a vehicle, it'll still be an accomplishment.

[Mol]

Yeah , grab a some melissa too or warm cocoa if it helps at least o:.

As for me yet another job lost, but maybe its for better since i kinda didnt like the ppl i had to work with...(they we rent too terrible outside it tho... : P) Need to search for next one again