Tried to cyber, it didn't go as planned.

[ZephyrStar]

Eh, too many internets, too little time. But I can dig up BBS posts and IRC logs from like 1992 if you want D:

[Otohiko]

I translated this on #amv today, apparently an actual log of a convo between Russian AMVer Bonefixer/Kostoprav and some girl. Sort of a quick-and-dirty translation of kinda epic AMVing-related troll:

girl: Alexander, hello. In your amv Lumix about the wolf there is a scene with blood dripping on the ground - what anime is this from? Please tell me the episode and time.
bonefixer: maybe I should send you a clip with that blood? Or maybe make the video for you?
girl: thanks, but I really want to make it myself. Waiting for show, episode, time
bonefixer: berserk, last episode, 15th minute
girl: thank you!
girl: Please tell me, where did you study, if you work as a designer?
bonefixer: at MGIMO, in Moscow
girl: faculty of design?
bonefixer: uh-huh, design and video production
girl: cool
bonefixer: yeah, they really teach you well there! and more importantly not too expensive.
girl: I should've gone there too...
bonefixer: well, just apply there. I only paid 400,000 roubles a year
girl: Can't afford it now
bonefixer: well if you want, I can help, I got profs I know there...
girl: thanks a lot! I'll keep it in mind.
bonefixer: but you know it won't be for free. What is your chest size?
girl: joker!
bonefixer: no, I'm serious. you have a photo? facebook?
girl: I don't get it, why do you need my photo?
bonefixer: well, I need to fap to something, and then if I like it, then we'll see about later...
girl: what?
bonefixer: what "what?" I need to fap, that's what I'm saying.
girl: what are you taking me for?!
bonefixer: oh, you don't give any for free? how much do you want then?
girl: what are you even talking about?
bonefixer: fack...
girl: well, thanks for the help
bonefixer: The help was not free!
bonefixer: I NEED TO FAP TO SOMETHING
bonefixer: QUICKKK
bonefixer: I CAN'T HOLD IT

[mirkosp]

Suddenly, win.

[Niotex]

Haha that's pretty epic

[Otohiko]

more translated Russian shenenigans from his LJ...

Tricster Has entered the room
[Bonefixer]: TRICKSTER
[Tricster]: hello all
[Bonefixer]: hi
[Tricster]: hey, listen
[Tricster]: do you make AMVs?
[Nicotine]: hahai
[Bonefixer]: who, me?
[Tricster]: yes
[Bonefixer]: no
[Bonefixer]: I don’t know how to yet
[Tricster]: damn, I’m sick of this already
[Tricster]: I think
[Bonefixer]: huh...
[Tricster]: do people get video for amv from some anime or make it themselves?
[Bonefixer]: ha-ha
[Nicotine]: lol
[Bonefixer]: themselves of course
[Tricster]: how?
[Bonefixer]: and if you take it from anime you’ll get sued
[Nicotine]: take someone else’s.... pfffff
[Tricster]:
[Bonefixer]: so they take it and re-draw it
[Tricster]: how do they do it?
[Nicotine]: have you seen even one good video on the site where it wasn’t drawn by the author? oO
[Bonefixer]: they draw it on construction paper
[Bonefixer]: by hand
[Nicotine]: *whisper* get screenshots
[Bonefixer]: yes-yes
[Bonefixer]: they draw screens like that
[Bonefixer]: to put them into the video
[Tricster]: shit, then I’m out of here, construction paper is expensive
[Bonefixer]: wait
[Tricster]: and I can’t draw
[Tricster]: au?
[Bonefixer]: beginners start with ms paint
[Nicotine]: no nonon
[Bonefixer]: try to draw a video
[Bonefixer]: it’s easy
[Tricster]: where?
[Bonefixer]: in mspaint
[Tricster]: in paint?
[Tricster]: never
[Bonefixer]: then in shop
[Tricster]: gotta think
[Tricster]: how do you do it there?
[Bonefixer]: you open up shop, then you have a brush tool there
[Bonefixer]: you take it and you draw the video
[Bonefixer]: got it?
[Tricster]: alright, you don’t have to explain
[Tricster]: is there other programs?
[Bonefixer]: got everything already?
[Nicotine]: yeah, at first everything seems hard... one newbie didn’t want but then made Draw with ME and, you know, it’s pretty good, had fun...
[Bonefixer]: sure there are
[Tricster]: what other progs?
[Bonefixer]: there’s one, but it’s a cheater program
[Nicotine]: there’s also movie maker, but that’s for pros only
[Bonefixer]: too early for him to take on movie [maker]
[Tricster]: I had vegas
[Tricster]: -_-
[Bonefixer]: forget it
[Bonefixer]: that program is for noobs
[Nicotine]: yeah, vegas is shit
[Bonefixer]: don’t shame yourself
[Nicotine]: moviemaker, on the other hand!
[Tricster]: it’s an alright prog didn’t understand anything though
[Tricster]: I got movie [maker]
[Bonefixer]: but it’s for noobs
naritomaniac has entered the room
[narutomaniac]: enough games
[Tricster]: alright, spill, what other programs can I draw a video in?
[Nicotine]: screw it, only noobs need that program
[Bonefixer]: Maniac here makes all his videos in movie maker
[Tricster]: no doubt it’s for noobs
[Nicotine]: We’re serious people, only using Movie [maker]
[narutomaniac]: yep, and I make masks in paint
Odissei has entered the room
[Tricster]: tell me what other progs it’s too early for me to use movie [maker]
[Bonefixer]: well there’s one really sweet program...
[Bonefixer]: what’s it called...
[Tricster]: *drum roll
[Tricster]: come on tell me
[Bonefixer]: Media Paint Video Convertor AMV
[Nicotine]: Notepad!
De29v101L Has entered the room
[Bonefixer]: but you won’t find it on the net
[Tricster]: TA DAAA
[narutomaniac]: and where do I download?
[narutomaniac]: wait
[Bonefixer]: it’s kinda on the net, but it’s hard to find
[Tricster]: I’ll find it
[Bonefixer]: right, go look for it
[Tricster]: People, will Pro motion 6 work?
[Nicotine]: bonefixer show him the video you drew yourself.... kinda crappy vid, I’d give it about a 2/5 (Clarissa)
[Bonefixer]: sure, you can use that
[Bonefixer]: Devil makes videos in Pro motion 6
[Tricster]: aha
[narutomaniac]: yeah
[Tricster]: is that alright?
[narutomanicac]: super-duper paint media converter or however bonefixer called it
[Tricster]: what’s everyone’s name?
[Tricster]: I’m Egor
[narutomaniac]: I’m maniac
[Bonefixer]: Eulampius
[Bonefixer]: I am
[Odissei]: ahahaha
[Nicotine]: Pafnutius
[Odissei]: Akakius, I am
[Tricster]: that’s your name?
[Nicotine]: we’re an ancient Russian amver clan
[Bonefixer]: yes
[Tricster]: so, how can I get in?
[Nicotine]: through the swamp, then right
[Bonefixer]: along the path
[Tricster]: no, in your clan?
[Bonefixer]: eeehhhhh
[Nicotine]: ehhhh... the clan is beyond the swamp, then you see a path to the right
[Tricster]: I want to be in your clan
[Bonefixer]: first you have to deposit a small amount on our account
[Tricster]: stop fooling around
[Bonefixer]: amount of 100 u.e.
[Nicotine]: swamp is a codename
[Tricster]: there was no amvers in ancient Russia
[Nicotine]: I’m not fooling around, that’s what we call the place where we hang out
[Bonefixer]: damn, you just gave it away!
[Tricster]: So you’re in moscow?
[Nicotine]: we don’t just talk online
[Bonefixer]: well yeah
[Bonefixer]: we’re all studying at the MGIMO
[Nicotine]: we all sit in one place, got a bunch of people and we all draw a video together
[Bonefixer]: to become amv artists
[Tricster]: damn, I’m too young
[Bonefixer]: how old are you kid?
[Tricster]: 11
[Bonefixer]: aaaa
[Odissei]: XD
[Bonefixer]: that’s what it is
[Tricster]: Xd
[Tricster]: sucks being young
[Tricster]: I regret it too
[Tricster]: do you hang out far from novatorova?
[Odissei]: it’s not so bad
[Tricster]: yeah, I can’t go anywhere
[Bonefixer]: yeah we hang out at novatorova
[Tricster]: alright, come to novatorova today and I’ll join
[Tricster]: maybe?
[Nicotine]: alright
[Bonefixer]: got money?
[Bonefixer]: or vodka?
[Tricster]: oh I mean tomorrow
[Nicotine]: we still didn’t decide where we’re going tmorrow
[Nicotine]: we usually get together in the evening
[Tricster]: shit I’m 11
[Tricster]: what vodka?
[Odissei]: precious vodka
[Bonefixer]: get some from dad, tell him it’s for friends
[Tricster]: you drink, I don’t want to
[Odissei]: ahaha
[Bonefixer]: so you’ll bring it?
[Tricster]: yeah right, like he’ll give me any
[Nicotine]: well at least some sort of fermented hawthorn or something
[Tricster]: never
[Nicotine]: amvers never draw anything sober
[Tricster]: I WONT BRING YOU ANYTHING
[Bonefixer]: damn... you have any pills at home?
[Tricster]: drugs you mean?
[Nicotine]: trammadol? Caffeine?
[Bonefixer]: why drugs?
[Tricster]: nope
[Nicotine]: Combispasm?
[Tricster]: I got nothing
[Bonefixer]: just to improve mood a little
[Nicotine]: well... vitamins
[Bonefixer]: Trigun D?
[Tricster]: drugs improve mood
[Bonefixer]: got weed?
[Tricster]: I got nothing
[Odissei]: Trister... I need three packs of analgine, a condom and iodomarin... and nicotine gum
[Nicotine]: and a red ferarri?
[Tricster]: I just want to hang out
[Nicotine]: hash?
[Tricster]: I won’t fucking get anything
[Tricster]: WONT BRING IT
[Tricster]: cause I got nothing
[Odissei]: bahhhh... we don’t need people like that
[Nicotine]: alright, we’ll bring the pills, at least get some booze
[Bonefixer]: yeah, the hell do we need you for then?
[Odissei]: I also need a bandage for
[Bonefixer]: and fags for me
[Tricster]: ILL GET ASPIRINE
[Tricster]: hahaa
[Bonefixer]: o
[Bonefixer]: you got chicks?
[Bonefixer]: is your mom young?
[Tricster]: alright
[Odissei]: don’t forget fags
[Tricster]: no
[Odissei]: ahahaha
[Nicotine]: you got a sister?
[Odissei]: I’m gonna die
[Tricster]: no
[Odissei]: mom not young?
[Nicotine]: you got another sister?
[Tricster]: no I don’t
[Bonefixer]: and how do you look yourself? Not bad?
[Tricster]: dammit I’m gonna die
[Nicotine]: what, not even a third? oO
[Bonefixer]: send me a pic...
[Odissei]: smooth skin?
[Tricster]: I FUCKING DONT HAVE ANYTHING
[Nicotine]: no scars?
[Tricster]: mine?
[Nicotine]: do you scream loudly?
[Bonefixer]: yeah
[Odissei]: yes... yours in the shower
[Bonefixer]: you have one where you’re naked?
[Nicotine]: do you run fast?
[Tricster]: I’m kinda fat
[Tricster]: ((
[Bonefixer]: EXCELLENT
[Tricster]: not really
[Nicotine]: we’re waiting
[Tricster]: you’re gonna run from cops
[Tricster]: NO
[Nicotine]: no no not us
[Tricster]: then who?
[Tricster]: you mean me?
[Odissei]: a clever one
[Nicotine]: oh don’t worry, you won’t get that far
[Tricster]: wait
[Nicotine]: we’re too nice
[Tricster]: I just saw posts
[Tricster]: you’re drug addicts I think and want to rob and kill me
[Nicotine]: what posts? Police posts?
[Tricster]: no messages
[Odissei]: on your pager?
[Nicotine]: police communication posts?
[Tricster]: no in the chat
[Bonefixer]: I think he’s on to something
[Nicotine]: The police sends messages to your pager? o_O
[Tricster]: YOURE CRIMINALS
[Tricster]: no
[Odissei]: ahahahaha
[Tricster]: the hell you need to know how fast I can run?
[Tricster]: you’re thieves?
[Bonefixer]: so you won’t escape, my dear
[Tricster]: you’re nazis?
[Nicotine]: both at the same time usually
[Nicotine]: you have to save us
[Tricster]: YOURE RAPISTS
[Bonefixer]: fuck
[Bonefixer]: how did he find out?
[Nicotine]: but it’s us, BUT we’re strong bitches
[Tricster]: cause you drink
[Tricster]: they’re criminals
[Bonefixer]: fuck, I’m tired of making screenshots
[Tricster]: SO
[Tricster]: YOURE DRUG ADDICTS RAPISTS CRIMINALS CHEATERS AND AMV MAKERS?
[Bonefixer]: I need to work T__t
[Tricster]: and nazis?
[Nicotine]: the latter is debatable
[Tricster]: that’s it shit I’m afraid of you now
[Tricster]: I won’t hang out
[Tricster]: and I don’t want to
[Tricster]: I’m going to look for new friends
[Nicotine]: but now we know you hang out at Novatorova
[Bonefixer]: YOU’RE FUCKED
[Tricster]: Should I tell you the address?
[Tricster]: want it?
[Nicotine]: we’ll just go around Novatorova and kill all 11year-olds
[Tricster]: aha but I don’t go out on the street anyway
[Death_Kn1ght]: just sit there and fap all day?
[Tricster]: I’m not afraid of them dammit
[Tricster]: I don’t have to go out except to the store
[Real]: you should be. The whole of South Butusovo shudders from this gang of amv-cutters.
[Tricster]: skins?
[Tricster]: are they skins?
[Real]: xDDDDDD
[WragUA]: no
[Tricster]: then who?
[Nicotine]: we’re Screens!
[WragUA]: they come up and twist your arms behind your back and say “Yo bro, you don’t know how to remove blending eh?”
[Nicotine]: we go and screen everyone
[Real]: xDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDd
[Nicotine]: we’ll go and screen you too
[Nicotine]: you say you removed hardsub?? What if I find??
[Tricster]: spareme!
[Tricster]: please don’t kill me!
[Tricster]: yep...
[Tricster]: I don’t use vgas anymore
[Tricster]: guys, will you really kill me?
[Death_Kn1ght]: if we get the chance
[Tricster]: What chance?
[Nicotine]: if your aspect ratio is off
[Tricster]: stop
[Tricster]: you won’t screen me?
[Nicotine]: aha... on my block, there’s some kids drawing red titles... gotta go chase them away
[Death_Kn1ght]: then install AE and read all articles
[Tricster]: what’s AE?
[Tricster]: I’ll do everything right
[Tricster]: just don’t screen me
[Tricster]: my hands are shaking
[Death_Kn1ght]: what, you’re fapping?
[Tricster]: no, I’m scared
[Tricster]: I never died before
[Bonefixer]: are you Gaurry?
[Tricster]: stop
[Tricster]: let me finish
[Bonefixer]: He’s not 11!!!
[Tricster]: AE
[Bonefixer]: He’s some Bitch!
[Tricster]: (((((((((((((((
[Tricster]: I’m not a bitch
[Tricster]: just scared
[Tricster]: is this some kind of prank?
[Bonefixer]: too few typos for 11 year old! You burned yourself!
[Tricster]: ok
[Tricster]: I’m 9
[Tricster]: I’ll be 11 in 2010
[Bonefixer]: I wonder who this is
[Odissei]: me too
[Tricster]: I’m Egor
[Tricster]: just Egor
[Odissei]: not owl?
[Tricster]: 9 years old
[Tricster]: not a bitch
[Tricster]: wait
[Tricster]: I think I got this
[Tricster]: It’s a prank?
[Bonefixer]: ITS A PRANK
[Tricster]: you don’t even live in moscow?
[Bonefixer]: This was hidden camera!
[Odissei]: now the host will enter and bring you flowers
[Tricster]: aw shiiiit
[Tricster]: if this is hidden camera, tell me what I’m doing right now
[Nicotine]: fapping
[Odissei]: sharpening your pencil
[Tricster]: ahaaaa
[Tricster]: I was clapping
[Nicotine]: firstly, I can hear you breathing
[Nicotine]: well, clapping, fapping... same difference
[Tricster]: guys, this really a prank?
[WragUA]: alright guys, quit making fun of the guy
[WragUA]: so you still don’t know who this is?
[WragUA]: it’s Nostromo he lost his memory
[Real]: dude, I suggest you run
[Tricster]: why?
[Tricster]: and where?
[Real]: somewhere

[Niotex]

See if I try something even remotely close to that I get people on my back in #amv D;

[mirkosp]

Dem russian shenanigans be internet heroes.

[ZephyrStar]

AHAHAHAHAHAH

[Koopiskeva]

That's all very classy, I'd like to meet these people

[Kionon]

That's all very classy, I'd like to cyber with these people