*music beginss playing*
Glico Pocky presents...
Real Anime Heroes!
REAL Anime HEEEEEroooooes!
Today we salute you: Mr. Pretty Boy Bishonen!
Mr. Pretty Boy BiSHOOOnen!
Only you have the good looks and charm to sweep any girl off her feet, no matter how old she is!
You ARE 18, aren't you?!
Your waif-like body and long flowing hair make you look like an anorexic Barbie doll, but that doesn't stop you from getting the chicks!
I LIKE playing with doooolls!
Compared to you, average mortal men are hideous by comparison, and when you want to be evil, NOBODY suspects you!
Death Ray on the MOOOON!
So bust open a box of Glico Pocky, Mr. Pretty Boy Bishonen! *ripping sound* Because without you, us average joes would have nobody to hate with a passion!
Mr. Pretty Boy BiSHOOOOOONEEEEEEEN!
Glico Pocky comes in more than 12 flavors!

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You know the drill! Come up with the most creative and hilarious "Real American Heroes" parody commercial dialogue that you can and post it here!
Remember, this IS different from Real Otaku Heroes:
http://realotakuheroes.com/songs/songs.html
Real Otaku Heroes are the fanboys and Otaku that we've all come to know and/or love. Real Anime Heroes, however, focuses not on the fans, but the people IN anime! Some examples are:
Mr. Guy Whose Stuck In a Harem
Ms. Jailbait who Looks 18
Mr. Comical Secondary Character
Mr. Fuzzy Anime Mascot
...and more! Come up with your own! Make the dialogue funny, and plant it RIGHT HERE!

~Otaku-Man
*Otaku-Man and all Otaku products are brought to you by some guy who works at Kodak*