The first thing to take care of would be the subtitles. They are pretty distracting. My anime-watching instincts kick in and make me focus on the bottom of the screen whenever subtitles pop up. If you actually intended to portray the dialogue with the subtitles, then a good alternative would be to get a source with no subtitles, and have animated text over the video showing the quotes that you want to show.
Other than that I liked it

I haven't even seen this anime and you made it look really interesting(even though I get the feeling some main plot point was spoiled

)
The timing wasn't bad, but it wouldn't hurt to add more clips in at the more stagnant parts. It's nice to always have something moving on screen, and keep the clips relatively short. Try not to just take any long chunks(>3-4 seconds) and just put it in as is.