Dating and Dating Sites

[Garylisk]

Long explanation, stay tuned to the end for the point.

I was on OK Cupid in the past, that place was a nightmare. Lately, I've made a profile on Geek2Geek and I am working on a profile on Match.com. I am just not very good at writing my profile. See, I'm 30 years old, I did not finish college, and after my previous girlfriend and I broke up, I moved back in with my mom, and I'm still there because my job doesn't pay enough to get a place unless I move in with someone.

So, how do I dress up "30 year old eccentric geek with too many interests to focus on just one seeks single female to go out on dates, maybe hang out at my mom's house."? Seriously, I think it's the "mom's house" part. I guess I don't have to put anything about it in there, but it's eventually going to come up. Yeah, I make $10 an hour in a call center and can't afford to live anywhere but with my mom. I mean, it's a really embarassing thought to think that someday maybe I'll bring a girl home, it'll be late or something, my parents will be asleep, we'll have to sneak into my room and be quiet so we don't wake them up. It's like... yeah, at age 18 that was fine and normal, but damn it, I am 30.

It's a little depressing. To be honest, I am so stressed out about the whole dating site prospect. I always wanted to hook up with a girl in one of the social circles I was in, be it through WoW, or IRC, or gaming groups, anime clubs, hell even AMV, but I never had the GUTS to tell any girl I ever liked that I DID like them. I'm a shy guy, and so the pretense of a dating site being for the explicit purpose of hooking up with someone is really attractive - but everything else about it just scares or annoys me.

So I just wanted to know if anyone on here had any advice for me.

[dreamawake]

Be straight up about the situation and be confident while on dates. Can always go to her place if your place is an issue.

[Nessephanie]

I'm with Arashi on this one, when the subject comes up, just be truthful of what happened. I wouldn't put it up on your profile, it's definitely more of a face-to-face discussion. Say that you would like to move out and have your own place, but unfortunately you can't right now. There were circumstances that happened and you had to move back in with your parents, with the way the economy took a turn you are certainly not the only person whose in this situation. You just have to own up to it, be mature and forthcoming about that you do not plan to live there forever, and if she isn't the kind of person who understands someone being in a bind, then she isn't worth it.
I personally would not stay with someone who was 30 and lived with their parents their whole life and never did anything, but you aren't staying there because of some fear of change or growing up, you left and had to go back, it's a very different thing :3

As for the rest, there is nothing wrong with being a bit shy, but you have to be comfortable and confident with who you are. If you sit there on a date and say two words and fidget the whole time, it's going to make her uncomfortable. You have to hold up your end of the conversational ball, dating is all about getting to know one another after all. good luck!

[CodeZTM]

I'll echo what the two above said. Just be straightforward with your profile. Lying is a nightmare, and no way to start any relationship.

Something I'll say from a guy's perspective is that a lot of women in college or on dates or with some of my friends I've had tell me things like "no guy will date me because I have a kid, live at home, and the kid's father is still in contact". While not the SAME thing, it's a similar thing that's taboo in dating relationship sites.

Personally, it wouldn't bother me a bit if they were straightforward with me from the beginning. To me, it shows strength of character to admit when things are right/wrong in their lives, and a better bonus when they're trying to better themselves or change their situation. What I don't like, however, is not finding out until WAY after I've been on several dates.

Honestly is the best policy. Building trust is one of the basic tenants of any relationship.

[Garylisk]

I'll echo what the two above said. Just be straightforward with your profile. Lying is a nightmare, and no way to start any relationship.

Something I'll say from a guy's perspective is that a lot of women in college or on dates or with some of my friends I've had tell me things like "no guy will date me because I have a kid, live at home, and the kid's father is still in contact". While not the SAME thing, it's a similar thing that's taboo in dating relationship sites.

Personally, it wouldn't bother me a bit if they were straightforward with me from the beginning. To me, it shows strength of character to admit when things are right/wrong in their lives, and a better bonus when they're trying to better themselves or change their situation. What I don't like, however, is not finding out until WAY after I've been on several dates.

Honestly is the best policy. Building trust is one of the basic tenants of any relationship.

I agree with that, and to be honest, I am guilty of looking at profiles on dating sites and if a woman's profile has "No answer" for if she has kids, it might as well be "yes" as far as I am concerned. I'm a lot more inclined to be interested in a "yes" than a "No answer"

[BurningLeaves]

I'm 25 and still live with my parents and with the way things are going it will probably be for a very long time. I live in New York and rent here is more money than I make in a month. But since finding full time employment is also becoming impossible (My job now seems to be the best I can do classified as part time but 30 hours a week) it puts the dream of moving out even further away. The point of this rant is that while yes when I look at the big picture of 'Omg, I'm turning 25 and still living here.' I look around me and every person who is my age and unmarried is in the same situation, so for here that is the norm and if I were to meet a guy the same age as me or even older who was unmarried I would assume he still lived at home as well. I don't know where you live, and of course it would seem better to potential dates if you were living on your own, but there are tons of people, girls, in your current situation. The only time I could really see it as a problem is if the person is unemployed and not even looking for a job, completely leeching off their parents. If that works for them fine, but no girl is going to want to step in and be the only source of income in a relationship she know can't go anywhere. But that isn't the case with you, I don't think simply living at home is nearly as big of an issue as you seem to think it is, that might be because of where I live and here you would be in the majority.

[BasharOfTheAges]

I'm 25, own my own home, have a stable job with a decent income (should probably hit 6 figures by 30ish) and have absolutely no time to pursue a relationship. There's always an excuse or circumstances, no matter what your situation.

[Zarxrax]

If you have girls who are friends, ask them to help describe some good things about you. There are probably a lot of good points that you dont realize.

[guy07]

Dating sites? What, you're too good to go to a bar like the rest of us?
But seriously, I don't think I'd ever try a dating site. I'm sort of against it. The concept of thinking about dating somebody before you even meet them somehow doesn't sit right with me. As for your little situation ... Just throw the word "hung" somewhere in your profile and I'm sure somebody will contact you or whatever.

[Garylisk]

Dating sites? What, you're too good to go to a bar like the rest of us?
But seriously, I don't think I'd ever try a dating site. I'm sort of against it. The concept of thinking about dating somebody before you even meet them somehow doesn't sit right with me. As for your little situation ... Just throw the word "hung" somewhere in your profile and I'm sure somebody will contact you or whatever.

@ the concept of thinking of dating someone before you even meet them: Yes, this is one of my biggest hang-ups about dating online. It seems so weird. My previous girlfriend was my friend for several years before we dated, and that felt very good.

@ the word hung: What happens when they find out the truth?