Woodpeckers
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badmartialarts
- Bad Martial Artist
- Joined: Sat Oct 25, 2003 5:31 am
- Location: In ur Kitchen Stadium, eatin ur peppurz
I think I found the guy's website. The letter to Putin looks funny from the Babelfish approximation. :O
Life's short.
eBayhard.
eBayhard.
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downwithpants
- BIG PICTURE person
- Joined: Tue Dec 03, 2002 1:28 am
- Status: out of service
- Location: storrs, ct
i got a woodpecker outside my house too
maskandlayer()|My Guide to WMM 2.x
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Kitsuner
- Maximum Hotness
- Joined: Sun Feb 16, 2003 8:38 pm
- Status: Top Breeder
- Location: Chicago, IL
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Coffee 54
- Joined: Tue May 11, 2004 8:26 am
- Contact:
I think this needs to be the new wikipedia entry for 'woodpeckers'.
At the very least "The microscopic woodpecker is absolutely harmless. The Spanish temple woodpecker is the only chewing bird in the world, and its female, according to legend, is capable of sticking out of the knothole by as much as three quarters. A live woodpecker differs from a normal one in temperature and working capacity. Underground woodpeckers peck in complete darkness with eyes closed, relying on memory. Their ancestors were shot woodpeckers that fell into wells. There is no separate species of deranged woodpecker, but the portion of them in any population is a constant 77 percent. The pink singing woodpecker, like its dancing subspecies, is found only in areas with a high density of alcoholics." should be inserted surreptitiously in the existing article.
Greatest... animal related... paragraph... ever...
At the very least "The microscopic woodpecker is absolutely harmless. The Spanish temple woodpecker is the only chewing bird in the world, and its female, according to legend, is capable of sticking out of the knothole by as much as three quarters. A live woodpecker differs from a normal one in temperature and working capacity. Underground woodpeckers peck in complete darkness with eyes closed, relying on memory. Their ancestors were shot woodpeckers that fell into wells. There is no separate species of deranged woodpecker, but the portion of them in any population is a constant 77 percent. The pink singing woodpecker, like its dancing subspecies, is found only in areas with a high density of alcoholics." should be inserted surreptitiously in the existing article.
Greatest... animal related... paragraph... ever...
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Otohiko
- Joined: Mon May 05, 2003 8:32 pm
It is though I won't translate it - it's a bit culture-specific so may not be totally worth the effort. The woodpeckers I thought were gold and I was feeling really pissed that day so in my fury I typed that up for amusement.badmartialarts wrote:I think I found the guy's website. The letter to Putin looks funny from the Babelfish approximation. :O
The guy's site is indeed pretty awesome.
As are woodpeckers
The Birds are using humanity in order to throw something terrifying at this green pig. And then what happens to us all later, that’s simply not important to them…
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Otohiko
- Joined: Mon May 05, 2003 8:32 pm
Another story by that dude
THE ESSENCE OF WOMAN (A Treatise)
Chapter 1
Inside a woman's head is a drum. It contains a maximum of 6 thoughts. All of them actually belong to someone else, are often the wrong size, and that's why severe disbalance usually occurs.
Chapter 2
In expressing (presumably) her thoughts, a woman wants not to convey information, but simply show that the drum is not empty. Women with an empty drum are valued in the East, women without a drum - in the Far North.
Chapter 3
A woman is a creature which geometrically resembles a man. However a man has many other advantages, and therein lies the greatest irreconcilable difference between the two genders.
Chapter 4
Any woman can be viewed as "any". The differences between two randomly selected women are so minute that it makes no difference whichever one is selected first. Unless, of course, they aren't numbered.
Chapter 5
The so-called "feminine beauty" is nothing other than the temporary correlation between geometric properties of a woman and preferences of a man. If a man is no longer disposed to prefer, he looks away and stares at a wall, which once again proves that even a geometrically perfect woman has no advantages whatsoever over a simple flat surface.
Chapter 6
The so-called "cerebral brain" of a woman, despite its name, differs entirely in structure and function from a man's and operates exclusively using the basic algorithm of "Knock-knock! - Who's there?". In non-standard situations this largely empty organ has the ability to instantly deflate to nearly zero volume. Naturally, a person with this type of brain carries no responsibility for their actions, so it is considered normal to forgive women in everything. Another curious property of the female body is also that a simple candy, placed by a woman into her own oral cavity, inexplicably takes up the entire volume of her head.
Chapter 7
The organism of a woman consists mostly of rudimentary organs. The only exceptions to this are eyes (two, sometimes one) and mouth (on the woman itself it is always highlighted red). These two organs the woman uses to seek and acquire desired benefits with the assistance of a man. Besides commonly-known material benefits, some women are also capable of demanding spiritual ones from their men, which is expressed in the appearance on the market of the so-called "romance novels" with straightened plotlines. However scientists are not inclined to see this as an evolutionary step, as in experiments it was shown that in selecting a book a woman is guided exclusively by the color range of the outer cover, and having "read" it, cannot cite anything from it except its price tag.
THE ESSENCE OF MAN (A Treatise)
Chapter 1
Man is a creature that is susceptible to influx into woman. One can say that a man is a constantly-communicating vessel, driven by the fear of overfilling. The mind of a man is structured in a way that he either can, or he thinks. The primary aim of any man is for any woman standing before him to lie down.
Chapter 2
Man is naturally rude. Because his main symbol is his power. But not always masculine power. Thus, twice and thrice more rude.
Chapter 3
Man loves football, loudly and rudely. Football is a competitive ritual of beating a hollow sphere of animal skin using lower extremities. This sphere represents the collective woman's head. Thus, football is a legalized form of mistreatment of women by men.
Chapter 4
Man is smart. More than that, wise. More than that, any man is a hundred times smarter than all the women in the world. And smelly feet and thick dandruff, even in his underwear - those aren't disadvantages. Those are just ruins of the past, from underneath which the moustached present looks on at us.
Chapter 5
Man is mighty in his heart, and there is much kindness in it. Cats wandering over rooftops - those are not the same cats that were dead and hanging from the fence yesterday. Thank man. He grew up and has almost stopped.
Chapter 6
The passion of man doesn't know borders and walls. A brave man will always find the one he desires. Find and drink. Drink and fall. Don't ask who the bell was ringing for. That was my glasses hitting the concrete floor.
Chapter 7
The fear of man is that his will be cut off. Pride - that there will always be enough left for love. The path of man, marked in abortions and children, leads to where fear and pride unite.
THE ESSENCE OF WOMAN (A Treatise)
Chapter 1
Inside a woman's head is a drum. It contains a maximum of 6 thoughts. All of them actually belong to someone else, are often the wrong size, and that's why severe disbalance usually occurs.
Chapter 2
In expressing (presumably) her thoughts, a woman wants not to convey information, but simply show that the drum is not empty. Women with an empty drum are valued in the East, women without a drum - in the Far North.
Chapter 3
A woman is a creature which geometrically resembles a man. However a man has many other advantages, and therein lies the greatest irreconcilable difference between the two genders.
Chapter 4
Any woman can be viewed as "any". The differences between two randomly selected women are so minute that it makes no difference whichever one is selected first. Unless, of course, they aren't numbered.
Chapter 5
The so-called "feminine beauty" is nothing other than the temporary correlation between geometric properties of a woman and preferences of a man. If a man is no longer disposed to prefer, he looks away and stares at a wall, which once again proves that even a geometrically perfect woman has no advantages whatsoever over a simple flat surface.
Chapter 6
The so-called "cerebral brain" of a woman, despite its name, differs entirely in structure and function from a man's and operates exclusively using the basic algorithm of "Knock-knock! - Who's there?". In non-standard situations this largely empty organ has the ability to instantly deflate to nearly zero volume. Naturally, a person with this type of brain carries no responsibility for their actions, so it is considered normal to forgive women in everything. Another curious property of the female body is also that a simple candy, placed by a woman into her own oral cavity, inexplicably takes up the entire volume of her head.
Chapter 7
The organism of a woman consists mostly of rudimentary organs. The only exceptions to this are eyes (two, sometimes one) and mouth (on the woman itself it is always highlighted red). These two organs the woman uses to seek and acquire desired benefits with the assistance of a man. Besides commonly-known material benefits, some women are also capable of demanding spiritual ones from their men, which is expressed in the appearance on the market of the so-called "romance novels" with straightened plotlines. However scientists are not inclined to see this as an evolutionary step, as in experiments it was shown that in selecting a book a woman is guided exclusively by the color range of the outer cover, and having "read" it, cannot cite anything from it except its price tag.
THE ESSENCE OF MAN (A Treatise)
Chapter 1
Man is a creature that is susceptible to influx into woman. One can say that a man is a constantly-communicating vessel, driven by the fear of overfilling. The mind of a man is structured in a way that he either can, or he thinks. The primary aim of any man is for any woman standing before him to lie down.
Chapter 2
Man is naturally rude. Because his main symbol is his power. But not always masculine power. Thus, twice and thrice more rude.
Chapter 3
Man loves football, loudly and rudely. Football is a competitive ritual of beating a hollow sphere of animal skin using lower extremities. This sphere represents the collective woman's head. Thus, football is a legalized form of mistreatment of women by men.
Chapter 4
Man is smart. More than that, wise. More than that, any man is a hundred times smarter than all the women in the world. And smelly feet and thick dandruff, even in his underwear - those aren't disadvantages. Those are just ruins of the past, from underneath which the moustached present looks on at us.
Chapter 5
Man is mighty in his heart, and there is much kindness in it. Cats wandering over rooftops - those are not the same cats that were dead and hanging from the fence yesterday. Thank man. He grew up and has almost stopped.
Chapter 6
The passion of man doesn't know borders and walls. A brave man will always find the one he desires. Find and drink. Drink and fall. Don't ask who the bell was ringing for. That was my glasses hitting the concrete floor.
Chapter 7
The fear of man is that his will be cut off. Pride - that there will always be enough left for love. The path of man, marked in abortions and children, leads to where fear and pride unite.
The Birds are using humanity in order to throw something terrifying at this green pig. And then what happens to us all later, that’s simply not important to them…