I'm basically asking you to critique my story and tell me how i could do it better. I'd like this to be as authentic as possible. And please, if you don't have something constructive to say about it, please DON'T. Thanks
It’s the fifth of November. I can’t sleep. I roll over and look at my watch again. 03:00 hours. It’s a cadet issue watch. The same kind everyone in this barrack is wearing. This is the last day we will wear them – the last day we will be cadets.
I’m not the only one nervous. Up and down the row of bunks I can hear my bunkmates toss. The occasional light flickers as others check their watches. Someone near me stirs and a pair of feet hit the floor. It’s Gato. What is the doing? My God! He’s pacing! Anavel Gato, “frosty” himself is so nervous he’s spacing! I didn’t know if I was relieved or unnerved. I check my watch again – 03:04 hours.
Whispered voices. “You up yet? Come on!” “Hey, check John.” “Where’s Keith?” A flash of light plays across my eyes and I blink. Everybody is up, getting ready for the day. I glance at my watch. 05:30 hours, half hour before reveille. Someone comes over. It’s “Capt.” Garcia. “Hey, get up. I’ll explain it in a moment.”
I quickly get up and dressed. When Capt. had something up his sleeve, it was usually worth getting involved in. He addressed us when we were all gathered.
“Listen up! Every day for the past twelve months, and that’s 12 months to the day today for those not counting, we’ve done something for our superiors. Some of you probably remember the “boot incident”. Muffled laughter rippled through the room. “But today I want us to do something a little bit different. Today we’re going to be so perfect it’ll be scary. And as a reward - Hey Boomer! Get up here! - Boomer here has been “barrowing” small bits of C-4 from demolitions practice. It’s now stashed in the officers field latrine. If today goes off without a hitch, then that thing goes up!” he loosed a mischievous grin, can quickly sobered. “But first, who objects? This is major and I want full cooperation.”
All eyes turned to Aust. If someone were to cause trouble, he would be the one. But he seemed genuinely relish the idea of demolishing the officers toilet.
Someone said, “We trust you Capt.” and everyone nodded in agreement.
“Alright then! Let’s get ready! Reveille in ten minutes!” We were ready in nine.
Someone called out, “Okay, here he comes! Remember – on the light switch.” then fell into place beside his bunk.
The door latch rattled. The room was so quiet you could have heard a pin drop. The door swung open and the light flashed on.
“GOOD MORNING SIR!!!”
“Good morning Cadets. I’ve got some good news for you. Today is graduation day, and as you should know, the ceremony takes place at 14:00 hours. Be there and ready to go at 13:00. Until then you are free to do as you wish. Many of you have friends of family visiting for the occasion. Feel free to give them a tour of the base. Dismissed!”
There was a momentary pause as everyone gauged each others reactions and then, somehow in unison, a “THANKYOU, SIR!” reverberated through the barrack. Everyone then quietly left the building. The look on our CO’s face alone was worth being as perfect as possible for the day. He had fully intended to be trampled by a hundred screaming cadets as they all rushed to make the most of their first free time in over a year. I couldn’t tell if he was relieved or scared.
