Evolution, yes or no?

Evil Urchin · Post by **Evil Urchin** » Tue Sep 23, 2003 10:42 pm

Everyone knows humans evolved from the ultra advanced apemen civilization of Atlantis, which was destroyed in some big cataclysm that is too complex for you unilluminated ones to comprehend. The survivors of this formed the Illuminati, who have guided human evolution ever since towards unknown goals, although they probably involve lots of shoggoths and other things that I read about in my school library's copy of the Necronomicon, written by a Mad Arab, bound in human flesh, and used in the popular Evil Dead movie series. Most recently, one faction of the Illuminati tried to reach ascendence through the attempted slaughter of thousands of hippies at the hands of zombie Nazi's back in the 70's, but was thwarted by sex and drugs basically. Oh, and other, mysterious stuff that is so complex your brain would explode if I told you.

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Sure, this doesn't make sense, and is just part of the plot from the Illuminati Trilogy, but that makes about as much sense as some of the crap the Christian Scientists throw out, and far MORE sense then those darned Scientologists. My point is, we've got no way of knowing what the truth about God and some of the more subtle workings of the world, so the best thing to do is make up batshit crazy theories about it for entertainment purposes.

Lyrs · Post by **Lyrs** » Tue Sep 23, 2003 10:44 pm

Evil Urchin wrote:Everyone knows humans evolved from the ultra advanced apemen civilization of Atlantis, which was destroyed in some big cataclysm that is too complex for you unilluminated ones to comprehend.

ithaqua · Post by **ithaqua** » Tue Sep 23, 2003 10:45 pm

Yog-Sothoth works in mysterious ways.

Dagon's pretty blatant though. Too lazy to be clever I guess.

MistyCaldwell · Post by **MistyCaldwell** » Tue Sep 23, 2003 10:47 pm

worshipping the sun is a far more practical religion. It's existence can be proven, it deals out life and death and also makes rainbows!

El Banana · Post by **El Banana** » Tue Sep 23, 2003 11:05 pm

It also burns your eyes if you stare at it too long, proving once and for all that it's impolite to stare.

Lyrs · Post by **Lyrs** » Tue Sep 23, 2003 11:06 pm

you mean, you can get hurt from staring.

MistyCaldwell · Post by **MistyCaldwell** » Tue Sep 23, 2003 11:11 pm

that just shows a wrathful god

El Banana · Post by **El Banana** » Tue Sep 23, 2003 11:16 pm

Exactly.

So if you have to stare, wear sunglasses so they won't know where you're looking. 8)

Org Profile · Post by **Otohiko** » Wed Sep 24, 2003 8:14 am

STOP DEVIL WORSHIP FUCKERS

Humans came from space. They got jettisoned from an alien ship when it ran into trouble. Initially, they were planning to use them as weapons that would piss on their enemies.

jonmartensen · Post by **jonmartensen** » Wed Sep 24, 2003 10:22 am

El Banana wrote:It also burns your eyes if you stare at it too long, proving once and for all that it's impolite to stare.

People say he's so dumb 'cause he stared at the sun through a telescope and burned out his brains. But ya' know what? I think he had to be pretty dumb to begin with to stare at the sun through a telescope.