What are your relationship with you parents like?

Lyrs · Post by **Lyrs** » Thu Oct 16, 2003 7:22 pm

Thanks Veldrin. I've seen similar attitudes as those you describe in many of the students i've tutored. It makes me sad as well and although i've tried in many occassions to help, it hasn't yet turned out for the best.

if you're curious, i tutor basic high school math: algebra, geometry, and algebra 2.

El Banana · Post by **El Banana** » Thu Oct 16, 2003 7:22 pm

I have a fairly good relationship with my mom. However, being the slacker asshole I am, we end up arguing a lot. Though I don't hold that against her, cause she does it because she wants me to succeed. So in general, we are in pretty good terms most of the time.

My stepfather is okay, he's a pretty funny guy. I don't have a father/son relationship with him, but we respect each other.

My father left when I was 5 or so, but I stayed in real good terms with him, at least for a while. But as time passed, we saw each other less and less. Last I heard of him was about 3-4 years ago. He should be doing alright... wherever he is.

Hope it helps.

Lyrs · Post by **Lyrs** » Thu Oct 16, 2003 7:24 pm

SQ wrote:Anyway, Lyrs, why's it only mother/child relationship?
All the "fun" stuff happens with my dad.

It doesn't have to be, you can include information about your father and the relationship you have with him and his relationship with your mom.

as for the "fun" stuff happening with dad's, well, everybody has different parents. My mom, she's got fun tied around her finger.

SQ · Post by SQ » Thu Oct 16, 2003 7:30 pm

Yeah, but you said the paper was mainly on mother/teen relationships.

Anyway, the current "fun" with my dad is money management, and that's in my journal. I'll quote it here, though.

In my journal, I wrote:Okay, so here's the deal.
I got 500 USD for my bday from my grandma, which is purely astronomical, and I wouldn't expect it. My parents didn't agree with it, either.

So, I debate for a good few weeks on how much money to keep and how much to deposit(If I say "Donate" instead of "deposit", I'm sorry..).

I finally decided that I'd donate 300 and cash 200. Even though I only have 1 thing I want to buy right now(about 60 USD) I just said, "That's more than half, and if something happens, I'll have the money".

So, I finally deposited everything to today and stuff with my mom, and then I get home, and my mom says(infront of my dad) "Did you atleast ask your dad for some money advice?"
And I said "No, because I know what he'd say"
And she replies "What would he say?"
And I said "He would want me to deposit it all for future stuff, and have none of it in cash."
There's many reasons for that logic, and I'm not questioning it, it's just that it's my bday money, and MAYBE I want to spend some of it.

So, my dad and I get in a big argument(more like raised in voice "negotiating"... In circles...) About money.
He goes over the probs my bro is having because he didn't save money because he was young, and basically this money would burn a hole in my pocket. Which it wouldn't. Because I'm not like my bro.

Do I get a "Q, Thanks for thinking to donate more than half."
DO I get a "Hey, it's nice that you thought to deposit most of the money."
DO I even get a "Hey, I know how much money this is to you, I'm glad you're not spending it all in one sitting."
No.
No.
And NO.
It's just like... "You know, maybe I shouldn't have donated ANYTHING and spent it all on DVDs JUST to piss you off."

Because, it's like... I took time out to consider what to donate... And, well, he basically slaps me in the face saying I'm not cash-cautious.

EXCUSE ME, MR. KNOW-IT-ALL.

I am 16. I am old enough to take your ADVICE into CONSIDERATION.
Just because you're my parent, doesn't mean you have complete control over me. It only means that you can INFLUENCE(that's the key word. Look up the definition!) me.
You can give me "strong suggestions", but you can't say "you have to do this and this or you will cease to be."

Sorry, but it doesn't work that way.

And then here's from later that day:

In my journal 'Icing on the Cake', I wrote:I don't like kendo, so I don't plan on going. But my mom pays in advance for the month, so it's obvious they want me to go. So, after reading my previous journal entry, and reading this one, you hsould understand how I feel about this.

At dinner:

Dad: "So, Q, I hear you're not going to kendo today. Maybe you should take that money and reimburse your mom for the classes"
Me(snidely): "You know, that's funny, because I offered to do that LAST YEAR.."

It's like he's going out of his way to try and make me look like an idiot, when he's just making himself look like one.

You're a GREAT role model, dad! -thumbs up and rolling eyes filled with sarcasm-

--

Last year, I had next to no money, and was willing to reimburse my mom for missing so many classes. So, I wasn't making it up, so you know...

My dad is just... Dumb and stubborn. The only two words that can vaguely describe him, I guess.
Good intentions... But bad followthorugh...

Lyrs · Post by **Lyrs** » Thu Oct 16, 2003 7:34 pm

My dad, what can i say about him? If i was in jail and asked to write a letter to him, or anywhere at all, would i? Maybe, maybe not. He's an okay guy, but if anything, all he see;'s are teh challenges ahead of him and he doesn't view them of optominism that much either.

my relationship with him isn't the same as with my mom. With my father, it's a "I'm here, but don't bother me unless you really need something," type of relationship. it seems ignorant of me to think of it that way, but i guess it's the feelign that i kept from my teenage years.

my dad's relationship with my mom, he's the father, mom's the mother. we have a pretty traditional type of family. dad works, mom takes care of teh home. my parents love each other, but you wouldn't know it simply by living under the same roof.

Flint the Dwarf · Post by **Flint the Dwarf** » Thu Oct 16, 2003 7:47 pm

SQ, yeah, it's best to do what you want to do. I'm better at math and science and computers than I am at writing (though not much better) but I enjoy writing so much more. My parents were disappointed that I was going to take the less lucrative path, but they respect it nonetheless. My parents were not a factor in my career choice, but my mom was the one that introduced me to books.

Lyrs wrote:Thanks Veldrin. I've seen similar attitudes as those you describe in many of the students i've tutored. It makes me sad as well and although i've tried in many occassions to help, it hasn't yet turned out for the best.

if you're curious, i tutor basic high school math: algebra, geometry, and algebra 2.

Oh yeah, I hate seeing that everywhere... but I wonder sometimes if it's just kids wanting to act all tough and independent when it's actually something totally different at the home.

I used to tutor kids in algebra, trig, and physics. Not anymore though, now I'm too lazy.

As for my dad... it's complicated. When he was married to my step-mother, he didn't drink or smoke much and he was a great parent. I really loved him and appreciated all he did for us. He's a smart guy... but then he got divorced for the second time and he drinks every day and night. It disgusts me, I can't tolerate drunkenness to the extent that he's so fond of it. And when he's drunk, he thinks he's always right and insists on arguing with me and my brother because (I believe) he's intimidated by our conversations. When my bro and I are around each other, we usually get into deep conversations and my dad feels the need to try and belittle us. Only when he's drunk though, when he's sober he's still my old dad... I just can't look at him the same way I used to. But I still value all my memories of him as a kid and as a teen. I was about 15 when I started to lose respect for him... that was when he got divorced and his drinking increased so much.

Moonlight Soldier · Post by **Moonlight Soldier** » Thu Oct 16, 2003 8:01 pm

I get along great with my mother. Basically I tell my mom everything. I tell about my day when I get home, worries about my friends, aspirations, ambitions, when I'm ticked off about something...etc. I'll ask her opinion, listen to her advice. Whether or not I choose to accept what she says and act on it is up to me and she understands that. She respects my privacy, I respect hers. I don't think I've ever sworn at my mother, its just not something I can do, or ever been mad over an extended period of time. She trusts me because I choose to tell her everything, and therefore respects my judgement in most cases. Though there are times when I hold stuff back, she respects that decision and doesn't patronize me over it...hmmm...what else....I'll go to her if I have a problem with something...no matter what it is...etc...She never pressures me about anything (like school etc) she realizes that its my responsibility. She has no issues with letting me figure stuff out on my own should I choose to.

Ya...I love my mom and my dad and my brother...hell I love my family! It saddens me to hear about people with family issues, like my mother's friend has a daughter who's my age, who's a total brat. She calls her mom a bitch everyday, has no respect for her, almost got physically violent with her once. Yet my mom's friend, doesn't see what a brat she is, she makes these excuses about how she's stressed etc. I mean, that just doesn't sit well with me. I'd never my children *when I have them* to have attitude towards me, though I'm sure there are things that I'd change about how I raise my children in relation to my mother, or try not to become my mother *there are certain aspects that I don't approve of, I never said she was perfect* I'd still hope for the same trust/love/relationship that I share with my mom.

How's that Lyrs...wow....look at all that

Farmboybob · Post by **Farmboybob** » Thu Oct 16, 2003 8:33 pm

I have a great relationship with my mother. We have what I call a loveing-argue relationship. I love her and I know she loves me, but we must disagree and argue about everything. In public we make fun of each other and call each other names (ex: Me: Woman! Get your lazy but over here now you bum! Mother: Worm(what she calls me) you shut yo mouth or I'll come over there and bop you right in the kisser!) She is probably the only member of my family I could talk to about anything and wouldn't have any fear of feeling like a dumbass. Also, my mother is the only member of my family who know the names of more then 2 of my friends.
As for my dad, he's cool. More or less and older version of me, so we get along pretty well. We like the same things, watch the same shows, etc.

SarahtheBoring · Post by **SarahtheBoring** » Thu Oct 16, 2003 8:46 pm

Hm. When I was a teenager, I was the typical bratty little poster child of suburban teen angst. I was extremely critical of everything my mom did and resented any limits put on me, which didn't go over well at all - my mom doesn't deal well with dissent. Never has. So we had a few shouting matches over the years, and much stomping off to feel huffy and wronged.

Though at the same time, I knew she worked hard to provide for us - my parents divorced when I was eight, and my mom's craptaculous second marriage only lasted three years, so throughout my teen years it was just my mom and my sister and I. And my mom did, and does, work like a pack mule to make sure we're provided for. (Well, now I'm off on my own, and my sister also works and pays part of the rent etc., but she still works like mad.)

So even though I resented EVERYTHING, I still had a grudging appreciation for what she did for us. I just hated having it thrown back at me, which happened every now and then.

The one thing I don't regret being pissy over was the double-agent game. At the time we still lived in the same town as our dad - who had had very lenient visitation rights all along - and debates were ongoing, especially as I got close to college age, about money and whether he was going to contribute and so on and so on. So there was quite a bit of one parent badmouthing the other, leaving me to just nod and pretend like I agreed with both. And that, frankly, sucked.

And overall, all my life I've had a slightly distant but cordial relationship with my mom - we have almost literally nothing in common (some values, not much else - to see us both you probably wouldn't think we were related), and all our lives my sister has been "mom's girl" while I was "dad's girl." LUCKY ME, because my dad is a creep.

And neither of us are all that demonstrative. But I know she'd look out for me - if for no other reason that her family is very, very keen on family ties. It's all good, really. Just not mushy girl-stuffy.

sigh. Ramble!! Well, hope parts of that were useful. :-X

LightningCountX · Post by **LightningCountX** » Thu Oct 16, 2003 8:50 pm

My relationship with my parents...

My dad-I see him 5 minutes a day

My Mom-Is a angry drunk that whores in the 40's chatroom on msn when shes 52, and sometimes punches me out for no reason...She also threatens to arrest me for fighting back, and my father takes her side

result - When i move out I will leave no phone #, address, or anything...I wont let them know where im going...and if my kids ask about grandma and grandpa ill tell them they are dead....