By opening this thead, you agree to the LICENSE AGREEMENT!!!

[danielwang]

If Micro**** made everyday household items…

( This was found in a package of silverware, behind the Certificate of Authenticity, the Manual, and the Product Registration card, but above the Product ID sticker on the plastic bag. )

END USER LICENSE AGREEMENT

THIS CONTRACT WOULD BE A LEGALLY BINDING AGREEMENT IF NOT FOR THOSE PESKY EUROPEAN UNION LAWS

DEFINITIONS
In this contract, the term(s) “Micro****”, “Micro**** Corporation”, “Micro**** Technologies”, “Micro**** Kitchen Spoons GmbH”, “B.G.”, and “Sleazy Profiteering Anticompetitive Corporation” (“Sleazy Corporation”, “Anticompetitive Corporation”), shall be defined as Micro**** Corporation, 1 Micro**** Has It Their Way, Redmond, Washington, 31337. The term(s) “You”, “Your Friend”, “Your Great Grandfather’s Aunt”, “Your Friends”, “Consumer”, “Customer”, and “Trained Monkeys” shall mean the customer we are taking advantage of. The term(s) “Product”, “Hardware”, “Kitchen Utensil”, “Knife XP”, “Piece of Shit” and “Stuff We Stole From Other Companies” shall refer to the instruments, apparatus and technologies that Micro**** has developed (or stolen from other companies) and is licensing to you.

1. YOU HAVE NO RIGHTS TO OUR STUFF
The hardware enclosed is licensed to you under a non-exclusive End User License Agreement by Micro**** Corporation. The products, any derivative works of the Product and anything related to the product remain the property of Micro*** Corporation and must be returned, postage paid, upon request.

2. YOU DO WHAT WE SAY YOU CAN DO
Micro**** Corporation hereby grants you one non-exclusive, single-user license to utilize the products in approved manners in one kitchen, on approved products and materials. This does not give you the right to break laws with our products. This does not give you ownership of the products. You do what we say you can do.

2A. MICRO**** KITCHENSPOON PRODUCT ACTIVATION
In order to utilize this product, you must activate them with Micro****. You agree that your usage and license of the Product is contingent upon activating your Products with Micro****. Activation helps prevent piracy of our technology by ensuring that they cannot be copied to another kitchen without a license. When activating, your forks transmit information about your kitchen cabinets, your appliances, and the contents of your refrigerator in a hashed format to Micro****. If you do not activate the product, you may not use them, even if you did pay good money to do so.

3. YOU CAN’T DO WHAT WE SAY YOU CAN’T DO
You agree not to use Micro**** products (the Product) to eat or consume products unapproved by Micro****. These include, but are not limited to, foods made from Open Source recipes, Sun’s JAVA coffee, or pinto beans.
You agree not to disassemble, inspect, test, modify, or reverse-engineer Micro**** products (the Product) in anyt manner, through testing or placing them in a SEM machine.

4. WE’RE NOT RESPONSIBLE, SO DON’T TRY TO SHIFT BLAME
By accepting this agreement, you, your heirs, associates, and family hereby disclaim Micro**** Corporation, it’s heirs, associates, employees, best friends and contractors from any liability or claim whatsoever. Micro**** will not be held liable for any damages occurring from defects in the product, even if we have been advised of such issues beforehand. In the event that you decide to commit a crime with our products, including but not limited to stabbing you ex, Micro**** will not be held accountable for your actions.

5. ABSOLUTELY NO WARRANTY, BUBBA
THE PRODUCTS LICENSED TO YOU OFFER NO WARRANTY, EXPESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING WARRANTIED OR MARKETABILITY, USEABILITY, MERCHANTABILITY, FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE OR EVEN THAT THE PRODUCTS ARE WHAT THEY SAY THEY ARE. MICROSOFT DOES NOT GUARANTEE THAT THE PRODUCTS ARE GOOD, SAFE TO USE, OR WORTH THEIR MONEY.

6. LEGAL MUMBO JUMBO
In the event that any portions of this EULA (Contract) are found to be invalid or unenforceable, any remaining portions of the contract remain in effect, and the balance of the section in whole shall survive is applicable. In addition, Sleazy Corporation retains the right to use Treacherous… we mean, Trustworthy Cooking and DRM to control what you do with the Product. Along with the DMCA, we can not only enforce the contract, but other provisions you didn’t even agree to.

All portions of this Contract shall survive termination, except those sections that define your responsibilities and our rights. That is, you lose your rights and we lose our responsibility, not the other way around. Besides, we feel that it is very unlikely you’ll get the DMCA repealed, suckers!

7. OPEN SOURCE SUCKS, MAN!

By utilizing the Product and/or accepting the agreement, you certify that you are not a member of the Free Silverware Foundation (the “FSF”).



(one of the product)

KITCHEN KNIFE
(Handle)
Bloatware, overly elaborate and extremely heavy. Broadcasts that it is a Anti-Competitive Corporation Product. Ships with a sticker that says "Certificate of Authenticity"
(Blade flat)
text: Product ID: 55477-666-31415926-31337
text: Licensed To: Areyo (Wang Dnaiel), AnimeTheory
text: Covered by International Patents 2718281828
text: Copyright 2003 Micro**** Corporation. All rights reserved.
text: Is this kitchen utensil legal? See:
text: www.micro****.com/howtotell/that/its/fake.aspx
Contains a notch and a bump (wavy pattern), patented by Anticompetitive Corporation for "enhancing blade strength". Due to the DMCA, it is illegal to modify your kitchen's knife holder receptables to store this product.
(blade)
The Free Silverware Foundation has suspicions that the blade contains Open Science metallurgy technologies invented by MIT engineers, Japanese bladesmiths, and hobbyist developers. But it's covered by a plate of chromium, to scrape it off or to use SEM analysis would be a DMCA violation!
After a FSF nerd posted an AFM height image of the hydrophobic chromium covering, Micro**** Corporation sued his ISP, Zerivon, to get it taken off. M* won.
(the box)
New! Internal benchmarks show that Micro**** Kitchen Utensils beats J A Henckels and XOXO! Great heat conductivity!

[Jace Tsunami]

daniel wang is still doing this stuff?

[Lyrs]

daniel wang is still doing this stuff?

[azulmagia]

That parody was pretty funny.

Please read this user agreement before you blah blah blah

"Yeah yeah"

*skims text*

"OK enough of this - just install the friggin software so I can use it, you grasping bastards"