Cock Shower 3 review [Clock Tower 3]

[HungryCrackPot]

Title: Clock Tower 3
Platform: PS2
Max Players: 1 (2 people playing would kill one another)
Rating (out of 10): an almighty 2
Review:
Well, I have a game pass at BlockBuster so I figured "why not trade in Tony Hawk 4 for Clock Tower 3?". So I did. And My brother and I played it at night, hoping to spook our poop.
Mass Media lately has shown us that horror can in fact be funny. The Resident Evil movie was a good example, as was the Scream, Jason, and Freddy movies. All meant to scare, all being rediculously funny. Cock Shower 3 follows in these lovely footsteps like a blind man on a leash.
First, the ups of the game. The graphics are rather well done, though none to well for the genre. I GUESS they work well enough, considering this is a Capcom title. The character designs, though mostly humorous (ghosts look like angry bed sheets), have their highs during the game, mainly with some of the "bosses". Actually, come to think of it, only 2 of the bosses has so far looked any bit slightly terrrorizing, but the moments are easily ruined.
Now for the bad stuff (grab some popcorn and a Big Gulp, this is big). The game has some groovy beats! This is bad! DONT FIGHT MONSTERS LISTENING TO TECHNO SPOOK! The soundtrack detracts from almost any scare factor. Its like fighting Satan while listening to Prodigy. Next, character movement, whether it be HIGHLY EXCESSIVE or none at all. During cinematics, your character and all other characters around move with the speed and grace of a duck on crack in a rave while having a seizure standing up. During gameplay, you dont move. Well, you walk. Sometimes. And trip a lot. They also introduced a panic system, which makes run, trip, freeze, and forget not to be retarded. In order to calm down, you have bottles of good smelling water, which are conveniently located EVERYWHERE.
The battle system was almost non existant for some time, then rears its ugly head during the first boss battle. At that point, you want to go back to running and splashing water on peoples faces. In normal game mode, you have a small bottle of holy water, and you splash it on people you dont like. If it empties, you go refill it. But only at certain fountains. You can be standing at a river, buckets of water littering the the inland, but you have to find that damned fountain. During boss battles, you are given a magical bow and magical arrows, and suddenly you realize the truth of your character: SHE IS A CRIPPLED MAGIC ROBIN HOOD!!! When aiming an arrow, well, she doesnt aim. You sit there charging up a blast. 3 consecutive full blasts will summon a super move. This will kill the first boss, and merely maim the other. When I first saw it, I thought BahamutZero from FF7 was going to liquid shit the enemy to death. But no, its just a fuckin arrow. I WANT MY FUCKING DRAGON!
Sound affects are less than good, to the point where tapping water sounds like squishy douches. Doors make squish noises. Planks make squish noises. It sounds like a blind mans porno.
The puzzles are ridiculously easy to solve, and none to involving. Find the item, give it to the dead body, spirit goes away. Even the scenarios that are the reason you are doing everything never get any deeper than that.
Voice acting is horrible. Its more British than the British. The enemies, with their silly accents and horrible dialogue, lose that cool factor I spoke of earlier. This is the point in the game where you say "holy dookie poop this sucks ass".
I really cant type anymore, i have lost my train of thought, and i need a cup of noodles and some coffee. I FAIR THEE A FUCKING ADO!

[gadoo]

dammit...I was looking forward to that game