"Feeling Superior on the Stupidity of Others"

Lyrs · Post by **Lyrs** » Wed Mar 05, 2003 3:11 pm

A good essay:

http://www.internetsitesee.com/991019.htm

LOL!

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Lyrs · Post by **Lyrs** » Wed Mar 05, 2003 3:14 pm

Another good link:

http://www.darwinawards.com/

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Lyrs · Post by **Lyrs** » Wed Mar 05, 2003 3:42 pm

A recommended read: LOL!

Scrotum Self-Repair
1991 Honorable Mention
Confirmed True by Darwin

One morning I was called to the emergency room by the head ER nurse. She directed me to a patient who had refused to describe his problem other then to say that he "needed a doctor who took care of men's troubles." The patient, about 40, was pale, febrile, and obviously uncomfortable, and had little to say as he gingerly opened his trousers to expose a bit of angry red and black-and-blue scrotal skin.
After I asked the nurse to leave us, the patient permitted me to remove his trousers, shorts, and two or three yards of foul-smelling, stained gauze wrapped about his scrotum, which was swollen to twice the size of a grapefruit and extremely tender. A jagged zig-zag laceration, oozing pus and blood, extended down the left scrotum.

Amid the matted hair, edematous skin, and various exudates, I saw some half-buried dark linear objects and asked the patient what they were. Several days earlier, he replied, he had injured himself in the machine shop where he worked, and had closed the laceration himself with a heavy-duty stapling gun. The dark objects were one-inch staples of the type used in putting up wallboard.

We x-rayed the patients scrotum to locate the staples; admitting him to the hospital; and gave him tetanus antitoxin, a broad-spectrum antibacterial therapy, and hexachlorophene sitz baths prior to surgery the next morning.

The procedure consisted of exploration and debridement of the left side of the scrotal pouch. Eight rusty staples were retrieved, and the skin edges were trimmed and freshened. The left testis had been avulsed and was missing. The stump of the spermatic cord was recovered at the inguinal canal, debrided, and the vessels ligated properly, though not much of a hematoma was present. Through-and through Penrose drains were sutured loosely in site, and the skin was loosely closed.

Convalescence was uneventful, and before his release from the hospital less then a week later, the patient confided the rest of his story to me.

An unmarried loner, he usually didn't leave the machine shop at lunchtime with his co-workers. Finding himself alone, he had begun the regular practice of masturbating by holding his penis against the canvas drive-belt of a large floor-based piece of running machinery. One day, as he approached orgasm, he lost his concentration and leaned too close to the belt. When his scrotum suddenly became caught between the pulley-wheel and the drive-belt, he was thrown into the air and landed a few feet away. Unaware that he had lost his left testis, and perhaps too stunned to feel much pain, he stapled the wound closed and resumed work.

I can only assume he abandoned this method of self-gratification.

By Dr. William A. Morton, Jr. MD, a retired urologist residing in West Chester, Pennsylvania.

DarwinAwards.com © 1994-2003
Submitted by: Bruce A. McCausland, Dennis Golchert, Robert Christopher
Reference: Reference: Medical Aspects of Human Sexuality, July 1991

LOL!

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Lyrs · Post by **Lyrs** » Wed Mar 05, 2003 3:45 pm

Police in Wichita, Kansas, arrested a 22-year-old man at an airport hotel after he tried to pass two counterfeit $16 bills. When two service station attendants in Ionia, Michigan, refused to hand over the cash to an intoxicated robber, the man threatened to call the police. They still wouldn't give him the money, so the robber called the police -- and was arrested.

LOL!

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CaTaClYsM · Post by **CaTaClYsM** » Wed Mar 05, 2003 3:48 pm

In her Daily Telegraph (London) column of Jan. 16, Medical Editor Celia Hall reported that a family doctor in western England has been summoned to a formal hearing before his local primary-care trust because he refused to certify a male patient for a Pap smear to screen him for cervical cancer. The man sincerely believes he is a hermaphrodite, but his doctor said he can find no evidence of that (and in fact, the man once fathered a child). At least one colleague suggested appeasing the patient, which the doctor said he might do if someone would teach him the procedure for performing a cervical smear on a 34-year-old male. [Daily Telegraph, 1-16-03]

SS5_Majin_Bebi · Post by **SS5_Majin_Bebi** » Wed Mar 05, 2003 7:23 pm

Ow!! That one about the guy losing his nut then stapling himself back up made me wince!! How did he miss the fact his left nad had gone bye-bye??

Corran · Post by **Corran** » Wed Mar 05, 2003 7:30 pm

My step-dad brought home a list of those a long time ago. I remember one of this dumbass who climbed up a flag pole only to slip and land on the part the rope is wrapped around... That machinist story reminded me of that. Sometimes the quote in my sig does come true...

El Banana · Post by **El Banana** » Thu Mar 06, 2003 4:13 am

My favorite from weirdnews(so far)
1994 -- According to the prosecutor, a 22-year-old Cincinnati woman who accused a bus driver in June of raping her actually consented to the sex, or, at least, two of her 10 multiple personalities did. The woman told police that all 10 witnessed the attack, including a 4-year-old and a ninja warrior, and the bus driver's lawyer was granted up to three opportunities in pre-trial depositions to meet as many of the personalities as he can. And in Prince William County, Va., Edward B. Kelly, 44, is scheduled for trial in February (in the same court that heard the Bobbitt cases) for binding and raping a woman he met in a therapy group for people with multiple personalities. However, Kelly said the sex was consensual between one of his personalities and one of the woman's.

And a true one that my stepdad told me:
A very small town somewhere back home, where he was doing his community service requirement for his neurosurgeon's degree. There was some large party in the town plaza. Some drunk dude decided to smash a bottle of alcohol on a bull's face... the bull chased him, but the man climbed the stairs to the cross in the middle of the plaza, and the bull lost interest. The guy decides to do it again, and this time the bull chases him up the steps, but the guy climbed onto the cross, and the bull left. Of course, the dude decided to smash a third bottle on the bull's head, and this time, as he was climbing the cross, the bull gored the man's ass with one of his horns (UP the ass). The man's midsection got bloated and he croacked soon afterwards. Proof once again that evolution is still trying to do it's job.

fyrtenheimer · Post by **fyrtenheimer** » Thu Mar 06, 2003 9:23 am

That's a true blue experiment in artifical stupidity.