- Member: VicBond007
- Studio: VicBond007 Productions
- Title: The Sh*tstorm of the Century
- Premiered: 2001-08-11
- David Pomeranz Nothing's Gonna Stop Me Now
Think bad. Think really bad. Now get inibriated (to those of you already in that state, that means PISS DRUNK) and think worse. We're talking worse than Rosanne in a thong bikini. Worse than finding out your roomate had White Castle for dinner the hard way. Worse than coming home to finding Richard Simmons in your bed re-enacted select scenes from La Blue Girl. Hell, think even worse than having to sit through all four plotless pointless mindless episodes of Sakura Wars!
Now just add Eva, stir vigorously in Premiere, close eyes, click around, and voila. You've got the sh*tstorm of the century.
The brain child of SSGWNBTD, Sh*tstorm of the century is the prime example of just what NOT to do in an AMV. Taking everything that we've ever seen that's been done terribly, we spliced together the most distasteful pile of Hynerian dren you'll ever see.
What better place to start than with an Eva video? Everything's been done to Eva. I've seen dance videos, Weird Al songs, rap songs, and more hard rock songs than my college radio station has in their collection, all done to Eva. Everyone, their dog, and their dead great grandmother have done at least one Eva video. I've done two. SSGWNBTD appears to have an ambition to set EVERY song in the world to Eva. So what song hasn't been done? Think back a good ten years. Back when TGIF was the hot friday primetime lineup. Remember how no show on TGIF lasted more than 2 seasons besides Family Matters? I do, and what a perfect pot of poor television shows to pull a theme song from. Think of one of the more painful shows to sit through. I'm talking about a show that even a 10 year old would decline watching in favor of the News. Your thoughts are probably trailing off towards a show starring a man with a funny name. It started with Broson and ended with something unspellable. Yes. Everyone's favorite immigrant, Baulkie. I'm talking about none other than Perfect Strangers. Perfect. Nothing made less sense to being coupled with Eva than that theme song.
Like any video, one needs source footage. Aspiring for the crappiest footage possible, SSGWNBTD pulls out the ultimate piss poor medium, VideoCD. But not any normal VideoCD. This VCD is subtitled in chinese and no effort was made to hide the subs. I've seen it done, and there's nothing more distasteful than leaving subtitles in the video, except for maybe Mr. T. agreeing to have a role in Penitentiary II. I'll never forgive the T for that dumb career move.
Returning to the video, it was apparent that some crappy capturing would be necessary. I've met people who've seriously made videos on their P-133 with a software based card because "that's all they had". Considering I just built a P-700 system for the total of $103, this is a crappy excuse for shooty quality, but nevertheless, such framerate deprived videos are out there. Considering all the P-133s except for the one in my basement I use as an MP3 jukebox were all used for target practice 2 years ago, SSG devised a brilliant method to simulating a crapass capturing job on his significantly faster PC. Most of the captures were captured straight to DivX while listening to, most likely profane, music in winamp with a fullscreen visualization plugin cranked to the maximum possible settings. The results are hurl-worthy. I've never seen timecode get destroyed to the point where the video will skip and play BACKWARDS before. The video was also captured at 176x120 and then scaled up to 352x240, because EVERYONE knows that's how you "add resolution." (I'm joking. If you believe this, then you'll probably think this video is a work of art.) All in all this is shaping up to be some good sh*t.
Editing was easy. It took SSG a good 20 minutes to throw the clips onto a Premiere timeline. It only took this long because it took a good 15 minutes to slap together some poorly timed and crappily leveled rubber band transparencies. A good portion of the video was done with the eyes completely closed to simulate those videos that were completed in 2 hours. Since we're of a slightly higher skill than most newbies, 20 minutes to 2 hours sounds like an accurate time ratio.
I took over later and spent a good 14 or 15 hours making the video really suck. Clips were moved so that it looked like cuts were missed, and split second scenes were tacked onto the end of clips to add to that "my VCR's pause button stuck" feel. Additional suckiness was applied through the gratuitous overuse of the most distasteful canned transitions bundled with Premiere today, including the ever so popular Star Filter. I also threw in a lens flare, simply because I could, and it's a pretty cheap effect when used improperly, so why the hell not?
At this point the final video was rendered. It took all of maybe 6 minutes to render the final project. divX compresses fast. Of course it crapped up the DivX files a bit because Premiere DivX is locked at 75% quality, but I figured it was a good attempt at feigning the ignorance of those who don't know there are other compression codecs out there.I attempted to output it as an animated gif but the video wouldn't play right, so that option was abandoned. during rendering I took the time to retire to the bathroom for a good 10 minutes of projectile vomiting. I've seen bad, I've DONE bad, but never have I experienced this.
Upon viewing the end result the consensus was that used toilet paper had a better aesthetic appeal than this video. Mission sucessful. The video debuted at Otakon2001 during the AMV panel and the reaction was wonderful. two people on the panel, whom I shall protect their anoymity by calling them Bill and Joe, claim that "that sh*t REALLY sucked."
Why didn't I post a link? It's kind of our little treasure. Consider it to be the "Mystery Anime Theatre 3000" of AMVs. You can't download it anywhere, you gotta go to Otakon to see it. I have a funny feeling though this video will tag along with me and SSGWNBTD to any con that we end up as panelists, so rest assured, if you haven't seen this crock of crap yet, chances are, you will.
NOTICE: If by some twisted act of God you have a copy of this video, PLEASE do not distribute it. It'd be like bootlegging a movie, except with out the part about me losing money, so in essence it's nothing like bootlegging a movie, except for the part about it being like, bad and stuff.