JOURNAL: Autraya

  • Wondering about a sex tip and some weird dream. 2008-08-28 22:14:32 Ok so I was debating with my sister last night over the laurel K Hamilton “Anita Blake vampire hunter “ novels. There are 16 or more books in the series and after about book 7 (ish?) It just degenerates into poorly written soft porn. Which really leaves me wondering why I bother reading the tripe… oh wait that’s me vainly hoping the series will resurrect itself and there will be more than 3 chapters of actual story instead of the 47 or so chapters of smut related drivel that has dominated every book for the last 8 or so publications.
    Anyway the discussion was around what I call the “double adaptor” which is 2 guys and 1 girl. It works like this.
    Guy number 1 lies on his back on the bed.
    Girl mount the guy with penis in vagu
    Guy number 2 is more or less on top and does her up the arse.

    For all the 3somes and mass orgies in these books not once does the main female character get done up the arse… we theorise it’s the authors own predilections interfering. Since there’s nothing else the character hasn’t done.
    Instead she ends up with guys humping her arse crack to “loose their load” on her back.
    Now onto the more serious discussion, I was wondering if the double adaptor actually works, one of my friends claimed to have done it but on further questioning of the chick involved she confirmed he was just full of piss n wind and made the whole thing up.
    So I decided to do some research and youporn (btw thanks Minion for linking me to the balls and asses clip months ago on the site, while Prod and I were waiting to judge an IC match in #amv, so it was still in my temp internet history files)
    There were heaps of 3somes… 2 girls and 1 guy being about 99% of them. Which doesn’t help me in my search. And after about the 10 attempt to hack my computer from browsing various porn sites I gave up. Plus the “GIANT PENIS IS YOURS NOW!! CLICK HERE” popup were getting irritating.
    So I thought I’d post this and see what kind of responses I get:
    Has anyone actually done a double adaptor?
    Does it work?
    Or is it just made up crap that only works in porn movies?
    For that matter what other sex positions or kinks have you read/seen that just do not work and are more a play on fantasy than reality?
    I'm thinking of doing a survey for the next sex tip about "positions" and "kinks"

    Now onto something completely unrelated… I had a dream last night… about Mitch of all people.
    We were trying to log into some new shooter game because he had made a bet that he could kill me 20 times before dying himself and had $500 riding on it, and I couldn’t log into the game because I kept double clicking a .jpeg instead of the .exe so he’d sent me the game over msn and every time I’d click it the .exe would turn into a .jpeg
    It took an hour for me to give up, meanwhile he was getting drunker and passed out on his keyboard several times.
    Honestly I have noidea wtf was going on with my subconscious because that was completely random dreamx_x
  • John Cleese's letter to America 2008-06-04 22:10:39 In view of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and
    thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of
    your Independence, effective immediately.

    Her Sovereign Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II, will resume monarchical
    duties over all States, commonwealths and other territories (except
    Kansas, which she does not fancy), as from Monday next.

    Your new prime Minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a governor for
    America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate
    will be disbanded.

    A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of
    you noticed.

    To aid in the Transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following
    rules are introduced with immediate effect:

    1. You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.
    Then look up 'aluminium,' and check the pronunciation guide. You will be
    amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

    2. The letter 'U'. Will be reinstated in words such as 'colour',
    'favour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut'
    without skipping half the letters, and the suffix 'ize' will be replaced
    by the suffix 'ise.'

    3. You will learn that the suffix 'burgh' is pronounced 'burra'; you may
    elect to respell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you find you simply can't
    cope with correct pronunciation.

    4. Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to
    acceptable levels (look up 'vocabulary'). Using the same twenty-seven
    words interspersed with filler noises such as 'like' and 'you know' is
    unacceptable and an inefficient form of communication.

    5. There is no such thing as 'US English.' We will let Microsoft know on
    your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take
    account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of '-ize.'

    6. You will relearn your original national anthem, 'God Save The Queen',
    but only after fully carrying out Task #I (see above).

    7. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday. November 2nd will
    be a new national holiday, but to be celebrated only in England. It will
    be called 'Comeuppance Day.'

    8. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers
    or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists
    shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only
    be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out
    without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown
    up enough to handle a gun.

    9. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything
    more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you
    wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

    10. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and this is for
    your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what
    we mean.

    11. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will
    start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you
    will get metric immediately and without the benefit of conversion
    tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the
    British sense of humour.

    12. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been
    calling 'gasoline') - roughly $6/US per gallon. Get used to it.

    13. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French
    fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato
    chips are properly called 'crisps.' Real chips are thick cut, fried in
    animal fat, and dressed not with mayonnaise but with vinegar.

    14. Waiters and waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with

    15. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually
    beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to
    as 'beer,' and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be
    referred to as 'Lager.' American brands will be referred to as
    'Near-Frozen Gnat's Piss,' so that all can be sold without risk of
    further confusion.

    16. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as
    good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to
    play English characters. Watching Andie MacDowell attempt English dialogue in
    'Four Weddings and a Funeral' was an experience akin to having one's ear
    removed with a cheese grater.

    17. You will cease playing American 'football.' There is only one kind
    of proper football; you call it 'soccer'. Those of you brave enough
    will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American
    'football', but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty
    seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).

    18. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to
    host an event called the 'World Series' for a game which is not played
    outside of America. Since only 2.1 % of you are aware that there is a
    world beyond your borders, your error is understandable and forgiven.

    19.. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

    20. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's
    Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all
    monies due, backdated to 1776.

    Thank you for your cooperation.

    John Cleese 
  • Sex Tip #10 Virgins: The Interview (link problem) 2008-05-23 20:32:19 It's come to my attention that people on photobucket are unable to tell that this picture doesn't actually reveal Niotex's privates to the world and so they have replaced this picture :

    So I'll just give you all the original link ;3 
  • SEX TIP #10 - Virgins: The Interview 2008-05-22 22:14:35 Originally this was planned as an interview with Brendan aka DCG aka DaCoolGohan but when I finally got my ass into gear I hadn’t seen him online for a few weeks and so I found some other “victims”. As the point about 90% of the being geeky virgins was raised with me, it would be good to hear from some of the virgins instead of more “experienced” members.

    This was supposed to be a group interview on Skype however (after the 30 minute mark Sony Vegas stops recording and we forgot to restart so unfortunately the second half of the interview with was coincidently much more fun and revealing was not recorded. So I’ve asked people to type out their answers which are of course a much more toned down and less lurid version of what was said. *sigh* the best laid plans … yadda yadda.

    The people on the Skype were:

    Non Virgins:
    ZS aka ZephyrStar aka Chris
    Aesling aka Aes
    Mewn aka Moon aka Moonlightsoldier
    Autraya aka Aut aka Bitch aka Danielle

    Kitsuner aka kit aka Kitler aka Jonathan
    Shinodude aka Rocket
    Radical Yue aka Yue aka Younique
    Ghet aka John

    PART 1:

    Please note that many comments such as “SNIPER!!!” from those playing TF2 at the same time and people being AFK were cut out.

    PART 2:

    QUESTION: Don’t you think the "I haven't found the right person" is a cop out excuse for not getting off your ass and doing something about it?
    KITSUNER “Not really, everyone has their own goals and whatnot. I don't really have any room to make fun of people for not actively trying to get laid, seeing as I'm in that same boat, It just occurred to me a few minutes ago; one reason I haven't seriously tried to get laid is that it's one of the major rites of adulthood, and I'm not sure I wanna grow up yet.”

    QUESTION: How do you think you will feel after you get some? Do you think it will change you?
    SHINODUDE “my ass might hurt a bit but other then that I don’t think it will change me to much.”
    KITSUNER “Well, I'm sure it'll be a lot different than I imagine it would be, so it'll definitely change something. Hopefully it'll help ground me more in reality and make it easier for me to relate to other people.” GHET: “I don’t really think it will change me, except for maybe make me a little more confident”
    ZEPHYRSTAR/AUTRAYA ”I think that society has built up a perception or expectation that being a virgin is a special thing, one of the things I’ve noticed is that people who have had sex tend to be a bit more confident and find it easier to do/get it more often, it just gives you a level of confidence that a lot of virgins don’t have”

    QUESTION: Would you advertise yourself on the internet for your "first time"
    or would you pay for sex with a hooker for your first time?
    SHINODUDE “Internet advertisement is fine if Silva(my teacher) buys me |: no hookers”
    GHET: “no =| “
    KITSUNER “I already do, but usually it's treated as a joke. Fortunately, I'm always expecting it to be treated as a joke so it's no big deal.
    As for hookers I wouldn't pay, but if someone else wants to, I'd go along with it.”
    AUTRAYA “lol yeah a few of my friends had that happen to them, we told them if they were incapable of getting laid by the time they were 30 we’d get the shitfaced and take them down to the strip. Some people even hookers turn down tho, hence I know some 35 year old virgins :|”
    AESLING “I know some people to do that too…”

    QUESTION: Have you ever gotten so horney that you fantasised about someone or something you normally wouldn't be attracted to and thought "mmm maybe..."? what was it?
    GHET “not rly =|”
    AUTRAYA “pffht”
    KITSUNER “Not particularly, but I don't have any real standards of attraction... “
    SHINODUDE “Silva in a doggy costume?”

    QUESTION: When you masturbate is there something/one in particular that you think about?
    AUTRAYA “and don’t go claiming you don’t masturbate we will know you are lying”
    ZEPHYRSTAR “hehe do you want us to answer that too?”
    KITSUNER “Who/what DON'T I think about? “
    GHET “a cat is fine to?”
    ZEPHYRSTAR “cat? You mean cat girl?”
    GHET “ummmm”
    SHINODUDE “Who/what do you think about? that should be obvious..”
    <NOTE: many extraneous comments and talking about other editors who were on people’s “must/would have sex with list” have been taken out at the participants requests>

    QUESTION: Ok this last question came from the editor formally known as Prodigi now known as Deafjester(or Cal/Callan to others), “Ball Grazing” although he meant it more as a “when the chick dismounts be careful where she puts her knee between your legs because it really fucking hurts when she leans on the edge of your balls. I (Autraya) was thinking something totally different when he said it to me, more like a person nibbling on your balls “gazing them” so the question is – Would you or have you ever ball grazed or been on the receiving end?
    RADICAL YUE ”lol Danielle’s making up words”
    AUTRAYA “Yup”
    KITSUNER ”If someone's willing, I'm open to try.”
    GHET ”do not want =/”
    ZEPHYRSTAR “Interesting concept, I’ll think about it, since I’m not sure”
    AESLING “No Comment”
    NIOTEX “I think it hurts more if you get kicked full in the ‘equipment’ than being grazed”
    SHINODUDE “with a chick... no.... with a Silva ... yes...”
    AUTRAYA “I’m not sure about the appeal of hairy balls in my mouth personally”
    ZEPHYRSTAR “I’m a bit worried about what would happen if she slips up”

    NIOTEX ”There are some places teeth shouldn’t go”

    The following motivational/instructional video was created for educational purposes by Radical Yue, it stars Niotex and an unnamed lolli. Footage was distributed to all people reading this journal entry with permission.

    And if all else fails:

    Questions designed by Niotex, Autraya & Radical Yue.

    Special thanks to: Kit and Ghet for dloading and installing recording software

    Apologies to: Eclipse(we had too many online already) and Yoko+(for not waiting for you to get online) and DCG (for not getting a hold of you for this)

    Original question format which was shown to participants in the second half of the interview which was not recorded (not that anyone could understand what was said over the laughing):
    “How do you keep yourself occupied enough to stay a virgin cause if your not some Super ugly unmotivated wanabe mother fucker you should have gotten laid by the age of 16-18 at least, hell anyone can walk into the gheto and shout out "I want rape" to receive at least 10 hard packing black guys who wanna bend you over?”

    Disclaimer – Any comments interpreted at racial slurs are not intended as such :| so don’t get your nickers in a knot.

  • Sex tip preperation 2008-05-09 05:34:48 <Ttek> I feel like a missionary
    <Autraya> missionary is boring
    <Autraya> try doggy style
    <annyaonweb> lol
    <yoko|logan> Aut would know this.
    <Autraya> indeed
    <Autraya> though i dont like the "frog"
    <GfN|Breakfast> yeah, missionary's overrated
    <GfN|Breakfast> now to make some coffee
    <yoko|logan> Froggy style is hawt fuck u
    <annyaonweb> the 'frog'? x.x
    <Autraya> i feel like a sack of meat :
    <annyaonweb> o.o
    <yoko|logan> :o
    <Autraya> with some one humping my vagu through my ass :|
    <annyaonweb> o.O
    <Autraya> and you need a good 8 inches to get anything out of it
    <annyaonweb> x,x
    <annyaonweb> *retires slowly.. to edit*
    <yoko|logan> or just a big stick
    <yoko|logan> perhaps a broom
    <annyaonweb> umm i thought i was a perv because of all the yaoi smexiness going around in my head when i write lemons for my readers xD
    <annyaonweb> but apparently not :D
    <annyaonweb> go pervness
    <annyaonweb> xD
    <Autraya> broom stick is too hard
    <Ttek> its all relative
    <annyaonweb> lol xD
    <yoko|logan> your not the one who thinkgs /34/ of obamaxhillary
    <yoko|logan> :3
    <Autraya> that's why jelly vibes are best
    <Autraya> isn't your stupid election over yet?
    <yoko|logan> or if you wanna be current with times we call you call that obamary
    <annyaonweb> xD
    <Mal_Shuir> Aut : U mean errection ?
    <Autraya> well then he's been holding that a while :|
    * annyaonweb is going to edit, PM if anything ^^
    <yoko|logan> Autraya: No we got to go through the stupid votes first
    <Ttek> no there is still clinton's kicking and screaming all the way to the end
    <Autraya> but no one in your country actually votes
    <yoko|logan> and listen to the stupid yet lies that our future candidates have to say.
    =-= annyaonweb is now known as annyaonweb|editing
    <Autraya> logan: I gotta get my self mentally prepared to deal wif all the virgins tomorrow
    <yoko|logan> HA!
    <Autraya> kit confirmed he's in today
    <Mal_Shuir> gangabang ?
    <Mal_Shuir> omg
    <yoko|logan> your going to screw them all?
    <yoko|logan> AUTRAYA FOR MOST HELPFUL!
    <Autraya> only if your a virgin... or niotex
    <Autraya> god dammit
    <Autraya> that came out in the wrong order
    <Autraya> you sig it I kill you
    <Autraya> mitch is the only non virgin besides me on the skype list
    <Autraya> and he's flying off to acen
    <Autraya> sooo i'm all along with... virgins T_T
    <Mal_Shuir> Aut : is that a demand ?
    <yoko|logan> meh talk is cheap
    <Autraya> halp?
    <Mal_Shuir> what exactly should I sig ?
    <Autraya> depends on how long you want to live :
    <Mal_Shuir> this ? <Autraya> only if your a virgin... or niotex
    <Mal_Shuir> maybe fisrt this : <yoko|logan> your going to screw them all?
    <Mal_Shuir> then this : <Autraya> only if your a virgin... or niotex
    <Autraya> hmm i should get some assistance... maybe there will be a german or 2 around >.>
    <yoko|logan> >.> I thought Autraya was going to help the community
    <yoko|logan> so sue me :s
    <Mal_Shuir> Auctually U can speak german with me xP
    <Autraya> we even have an "educational" video for the group
    <Autraya> provided by niotex and radical yue
    <Autraya> it just sounds so wrong and someone hand me a shovel so i can keep digging myself in deeper
    <Ttek> I think they put one out every year
    <Ttek> Hot Coffee much?
    <Autraya> rofl
    <Autraya> <--- it gets worse
    <Autraya> even his away message is against me 
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