DDramone (mikey flores)
havent written in a long time. mostly cuz i thought my last entry was kinds pissy. ugh, why did i write like 3 pages just to bitch someone out? anyways, hopefuly i can delete it or something... maybe ill make it private.
well, a whole shitload of shit happened. robbie broke his hand and there was some drama with my dad over insurance. personally, i think he got into a spasm of bitchness cuz he wanted to cover up the fact that we werent covered by him. but all's good now, robbie got his surgery (he had to be totally knocked out for it. it was pretty bad.). hes alright now, hes got a cast on, and he used to have a big metal pin sticking out of it.
also, i got a new goal!! ima try to get into this arts magnet school for my last year in high school. what's the art they specialize in? ok, if you promise not to laugh... it always feels gay talking about it... its a theatre school. ya, theatre. i havent thought about joining the theatre since i was aladin in a fourth grade play. the odds are against me, though. you have to audition to get in, and only like 1 in a million seniors get in. they prefer you to audition as an incoming freshman of sophmore. but we called the dean of admissions or whatever he is and he called us back 4 times when he couldnt reach us!! he made a point to say he doesnt usually do that. my mom thinks its because i got a spanish last name and they dont get many latinos (i hear its mostly asians and whites with a few black kids). the origional plan was that i would repeat junior year over there so i'd get 2 years, but it doesnt look like thats gonna happen. to bad, i actually wouldnt have minded. i just feel like i gatta get out of this school. i dont wanna be here next year, not when i dont have to. i cant really explain why, but i just dont wanna stay. this new school sounds just to cool to pass up. God, if only someone from that school (los angeles county high school for the arts, or lachsa for short) would contact me to help me out (hint hint). for my addision i gatta do 2 monolouges, one modern and one classic. for the modern one i was thinkin of something out of "the harry ape" just cuz the main character sounds cool and kinda punk. for the classical one i have no clue. anyways, i gatta couple more months before i gatta do it. im still boning up on my reading. i got like 10 acting books checked out right now, and theyre all over due. yeah, who wouldve thought, me, an actor. somewere in the world pigs are flying.
Ok, I got somethen to say: the difference between my LA friends and my San Diego friends. Its been pissing me off for a while and I’ve been meaning to write about it.
I think I started noticing it (or at least more then usual) on my last visit to San Diego. This is actually kinda embarrassing. The short version is: I over-reacted then felt like a dick. But leme explain the whole thing (sorry if its out of order). What happened was I was with all my San Diego friends, who are my best friends, whom I haven’t seen since last December, and we were walking over to seven eleven and arguing about chest hair. It was actually getting pretty heated (that’s not the embarrassing part). By the time we got there I just wanted to forget about it. We met up with this kid, chuck, one of johns friends. Johns told me a lot about this kid, as they are really close. Johns been really exited to get us together for a while. Maybe I should have just trusted his judgment.
So we all meet up, and they ask him what he thinks of chest hair. I was already annoyed cuz the conversation was going on to long. As a joke, to tell me im crazy for thinking chest hair is attractive he lightly taps my cheek, like he’s knocking some sense into me. Now, I didn’t know they were still talking bout it. And I was real shocked when I did it. Wanna know why? Because instead of looking like a joke, he gave me the fucking love tap!!!
just a couple of weeks before school ended, this kid gave me the love tap, and it was fuckin humiliating. I coldnt do anything! He had a blade, and I had nothing. Course I couldn’t admit it, cuz then it’d be over, and he’d win. Well, it wouldn’t really be over; if he knew I wasn’t packing he’d just make it longer to embarrass me. course, he knew I wasn’t pack, and that’s just what he did. There we were, surrounded by a group of kids who wanted to watch a fight, me yelling insults pretending not to back down but refusing to fight, and him yelling, grinning, “pull it out, then! Pull it out and lets go!” Unless you’ve experience being humiliated in front of a large crowd, its hard to explain.
So that’s what I thought was gonna happen. I thought he was gonna start sayin “if your so tuff, then pull it out!!” like the other kid. Plus, my closest friends were all standing there, laughing (apparently the slap did come at the right comedic moment, and it was kinda funny). There was no doubt that he did the tap, though. He did it exactly to the T (wich isn’t very hard, since its pretty simple…). Hold the face up with one had, lightly tape the other cheek with the other hand. I don’t know Chuck, ok? All I knew of him were the stories john told me about how “crazy” he is. How he’s done hard drugs and fought some tough people. I know john’s friends carry blades on occasion, but I think they all do it just to show off that they have blades. I mean, really, in the rich ass suburbs of Carlsbad, San Diego, what do they have to worry about? That’s another thing that pisses me off; they all think they’re as tough as us in LA, when they don’t have anything to worry about! No ones really gonna come out and cut them, they’re just looking for trouble. Joe carries a blade. She’s still got a scar on her left side from when she got cut at 12 FUCKING YEARS OLD!!! And my friend Suny got slashed across the face with a box cutter at a party a while ago. I haven’t heard from him since. And these kids just kinda toy with the idea of being tough.
Anyways, back to Chuck. I’ve been kinda hinting to my friends that theyre friends should drop the “street core” act, and maybe they thought I was just tryin to act tough myself. Maybe they were telling chuck to challenge me to prove who’s tougher; the selfrichous white kids who don’t like to be called selfrichous, or the kid from LA. They’ve been doing stuff like that to prove me wrong. Even in the chest hair argument. They say stuff like “mike! Its just comen knowledge!” when its not really comen knowledge, it’s a popular opinion of a community that by definition was invented to separate itself from the rest of the world, anyway.
So here’s the embarrassing part: when he tapted me, I froze. I boiled up. I didn’t do anything. Scared to move. I really hope nobody could tell. And you know what the funny part was? NONE OF THEM EVEN KNEW WHAT A LOVE TAP WAS!!! Ok, after that I came up with this analogy: your in a group of kids that run around with squirt guns painted black, they point it at you, and then wonder why you get mad. Ok, doesn’t make sense. What ever.
So I told Seamus afterwards, cuz he could see I was pissed on the walk back. He really made an honest try to understand, and I love him for that. He said that in San Diego, things just don’t mean the same. I didn’t say anything, but I wanted to say “you mean in suburbia, things don’t mean the same.” I’ve never flat out told him that I didn’t think much of the scene in san diego (johns friends are mostly Goths, and I cant imagine the punks are much different). Really, I don’t think its that they don’t do it in San Diego, its that they just aren’t around it! And then they judge me. my san diego friends have adopted this attitude like “oh, its just mike, what does he know.” Fuck you! What the fuck do you know that makes you so high and mighty! You guys don’t even know how to take care of yourselves! Why the fuck am I the butt of every joke? It didn’t help that clare and john were laughing the whole way back…
Maybe I’m the one acting a little high and might, but it’s the truth. These kids don’t know shit.
Ok, I shouldn’t compare my LA friends and my SD friends. Well, actually I have always done that since I moved to LA. I’ve always said my SD friends were closer then my LA friends, but I still live in LA! I later told john, but I don’t know what he thinks. Did he understand? I told him what the tap means, but I don’t think he understands why I got so pissed about it. I think clare got a little self richous. Probly thinks “damn it mike! Get over yourself!” I know seamus made an effort at least… I didn’t tell Cory about it, and he wasn’t even there when it happened (he was in Guatemala or something). When I got back to LA I talked to joe about it. I think all she heard was “love tap” and I think she thinks there was a big fight. Haven’t really told anyone else in LA. They’d just think I pussed out. They have an even worse habit of not listening.
Really, I’ve always relied on my san diego friends for escape. I always thought we had like these links of unconditional understanding, and now that I’ve found a road block in that understanding, who the fuck am I gonna go to?
When my dad moved to orange county, I finaly had to look at the possibility of letting them go as friends, or at least not relying on them. Maybe I was overreacting then too, but that was one of the darkest moments of my life. The complete feeling of giving up. It was depressing as hell. That’s how much I value them. Now it looks like theyre pulling away. They think they understand all they want to understand, so theyre bored with me. they have no idea how different my social life in LA is. And its not like I gatta worry about drive-bys every day on the way to school and shit, but its just different. That’s the problem with suburban kids: they only wanna understand what they wanna understand. They don’t wanna do the work that comes with understanding.
wow, ever since i put a link to my journal on my signature the hits have doubled (bout 70 something to 140 something). but i guess 140 served is different from 140 enjoyed, what ever that means.
im really just writing cuz it looks like all these people have glanced at my journal, but i havent made a new entry since school let out. i even got a little feed back from some one on the forums bout that "brown vs. board day" entry. (thanks man, sorry my PM was kinda short). but i really dont have anything to say thats particularly entertaining...
i been staring at my wrist all day... hows that? i have a huge ass keyloid that looks like a pimple...
urban decay on the home front
last weekend i went down to my dads house. it was cool seeing daina and luara again. we watched porn with daina for a minute then laura and theyre friend... fuck, forgot her name... the english girl came running into the room, running form some kinda trouble. dad just got back from singapore. i always liked hanging out with my dad, but whenever i do NOW, its like, no matter how much fun we're having, i cant help but remember "this is the guy that pissed me off". what he said to me and robbie the first weekend donna came down. it doesnt feel like un-conditional love.
sunday night fucked me up tho. it was like fuckin 1 in the morining and i was getting ready to go to bed. i went to my suitcase (me and robbie use a suitcase when we visit dad) and brushed robbie's (who is my little brother by the way) pants out of the way. out fell a pocket knife. not a dinky little swiss army knife, a real blade, made to KILL people. it was only like 1 1/2 inches, but why would my 13 year old brother feel like he needed to carry a blade? i didnt want to confront him. i didnt wanna hear his self richous anger fit. thats what we always do when we get in trouble; get self richous. i stay in my room for like half an hour to decide what im gonna do. i reach into his pocket and find ANOTHER blade, a cheap swiss army knife. this is fuckin horrible.
aw, class ended. ill finish this later.
i think about all the stuff i can do. i can throw them out without him knowing, but whats that gonna do? only one thing i can do.
so i went downstairs to were robbie was talkin to his girl. i stood infront of him and told him to get off the phone. he looks at me and says "why?" as if whatever i say doesnt have any athority. i show him the knife. you'd expect his face to go white, but i didnt see it that way. and, as i expected, he gets self richous. i forget that short conversation in the hall, but i tell him he's going to bed, and so am i (more to avoid arguement. it really disguests me how anti-conflict i've become). then he thinks he can over power me! he stands infront of me and doesnt let me through, and tells me he's gonna kick MY ass if i dont let him explain. so what do i do? i push his fucking head into the fucking wall and move on.
then half way up the stairs he tries to get me in a head lock, but i turn it around on him. fuck, i think, im gonna wake up every one. our fight is literally right next to laura's room. if donna knows about robbies knife she'll take it out on my mom. for anybody who knows my feelings about donna, they know i do NOT want her in my personal buisness. and for that matter, my dad has lost that privelege to a certain extent too.
so, struggling, i drag robbie by the neck down to the bottom of the stairs. he's still on his feet though. so i do a backwards sweep, like i always to do him, but thistime, i dont guide his boddy down so he doesnt get hurt. infact, i fall right on him while he's going down. i put in 4 hard shots to the chest, and lift my fist up to tell him ill break his nose if he pisses me off. we talk (i can rememberthe fight better then the talk) and i get up to let him explain, but he thinks im going away, so he grabs my leg. i dont give him any sympathy. i push him down.
the hardest part was the talking. how the hell do i get through to someone with as thick of a head as him? i always tune my mom out when she yells at me, and it was hard not to sound like her, mainly cuz she's so right! funy, i remember more of the fight then the talk.
THERE COULD BE A DRAFT
this should cause some heated arguments:
these are some facts i picked UP. mind yall that this is all the internet! who knows how reliable it is
In the last few months there has been launched a recruiting drive for people to work on the draft boards around the country, the DefendAmerica government site posted an advert looking for volunteers, but when someone brought this to the attention of the press it was promptly removed, fueling rumors about the possibility of a draft. Here is a copy of the site:
This year the SSS (Selective Service System, an organization, as defined by their official site, as a group to “provide manpower to the armed forces in an emergency; and to run an Alternative Service Program for men classified as conscientious objectors during a draft.”) was given an extra $28 MILLION in their budget, nearly doubling it.
Selective Service must report to Bush on March 31, 2005 that the system, which has lain dormant for decades, is ready for activation.
We are currently pulling troops from South Korea, stationed there to defend any North Korean invasion, to give support on the strained military in Iraq. http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,120187,00.html
A memo leaked from the Whitehouse written by Paul Wolfowitz outlines the push for the draft currently being made by Donald Rumsfeld (Secretary of Defense) and Paul Wolfowitz to reinstate the draft. Both have publicly denied pushing for a draft.
Since July 1980, the Selective Service System has wasted well over one half billion dollars registering over 40 million Americans for no purpose.
"Even though we are supposedly handing over power to the Iraqis, We will still be needed to provide security. We are building 14 permanent bases there and major US companies have contracts and we have billions invested. Some may refer to the bases in Japan that have been there since World War 2, but the main difference is we are not facing any military conflict with the Japanese."
"Only 44% of troops in Iraq have said they are going to re-enlist"
i don know much, but i have ALOT more info then this. please look up the bils S89 and HR163
here are the links
notice that they've been inactive for about 16 months. on one hand that could mean that they've burned out. but on the other... it would be very unwise for anybody to bring this up during the UP COMING elections!
yall can find me at the AIM sn SUPORTANARCHY or the emails : email@example.com or firstname.lastname@example.org
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