My first fully produced song "Decisions"....

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My first fully produced song "Decisions"....

Postby genestarwind21122 » Thu Feb 08, 2007 11:48 pm

Well I produced my first song last year in June of 2006. The song is called Decisions. I think the lyrics explain the song and the meaning behind it. Basic break down of the song is that everyday in life we are face with difficult choices. Sometimes things are always clear, and we pretend to be something we are not or something that we can't maintain. Trying to put up this false image. This is just the chorus. There are many messages in the song. If you want to know more about the song you can pm me for more details.

Here are the lyrics for the song:

There comes a time when there is no neutral,
And you have to ask yourself,
Are you going to hunt,
Or be the hunted.

Now we must fight / in this battle,
Our paradise we live in / has been rattled,
But to how far / do we extend this fight,
Saying we know what we're doing/ is right!,

Time and time again we are faced with these decisions,
To hunt down our prey or hide and to be the hunted,
Why is it so hard to make clarity out of this world,
For what we are is an image that can't be held.

When it comes down to it, it comes down to survival
We are no better than animals / facing their rivals,
For the strong will survive / and the weak will fall,
The price we will pay / is the greatest of them all!,

Time and time again we are faced with these decisions,
To hunt down our prey or hide and to be the hunted,
Why is it so hard to make clarity out of this world,
For what we are is an image that can't be held.

Now we are constantly being watched,
Knowing we have to make the right move,
For if we don't...
The world will come crashing down...
Spelling our doom… Spelling our doom… Spelling our doom!

Time and time again we are faced with these decisions,
To hunt down our prey or hide and to be the hunted,
Why is it so hard to make clarity out of this world,
For what we are / is an image / that can't be held.
Oh noooo....
It can't be held.
Ohhh ohhh...
It can't be held. x4
oooohhhh

Here is a link to my song on my myspace site.

http://myspace.com/genestarwind21122

Let me know what you think about the lyrics themselves and then the actual song as a whole.

The video for this song will be released Feb. 19th after Katsucon.
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Postby genestarwind21122 » Thu Feb 08, 2007 11:52 pm

Just as another note I just wrote the lyrics for this song. I did work with the band on the music until we found the sound I liked for the song. As I described to them the mood and feel of the song I wanted to have.

Another note is that I'm not actually apart of the band. I work on amv's for them that I release online here to try to help spread their name. So I try to make one video for them every so often.
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Postby nailz » Sat Feb 10, 2007 6:35 am

It's horrendous. The guitar work is unoriginal and less-so impressive. The drumwork is repetitive and boring. The vocals are a mix of turpentine and vomit. The melody of the song makes me grimace, and the lyrics are utterly generic and without real direction/dimension.

Congradulations. I believe you have a radio hit.
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Postby megaman917 » Sat Feb 10, 2007 4:13 pm

nailz wrote:It's horrendous. The guitar work is unoriginal and less-so impressive. The drumwork is repetitive and boring. The vocals are a mix of turpentine and vomit. The melody of the song makes me grimace, and the lyrics are utterly generic and without real direction/dimension.

Congradulations. I believe you have a radio hit.
Agreed
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Postby genestarwind21122 » Sat Feb 10, 2007 10:31 pm

Shows you how blind you are to not understand the true meaning of the song. :roll: There is obviously more to the lyrics than meets the eye.
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Postby Scintilla » Sat Feb 10, 2007 10:57 pm

First verse: The lyrics look okay on paper by themselves, but put it together with the melody and the flow is just off. It feels like the accents are falling on the wrong syllables half the time, and while you expect to hear that kind of thing in eurobeat where the vocalists don't speak English as a first language, it really seems jarring in a song like this.

Also, is there ANY way to control the volume of these embedded songs on Myspace?
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Postby Chicken993_4eva » Sun Feb 11, 2007 12:56 am

Before I make MY opinion I would love to hear it first!
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Postby Scintilla » Sun Feb 11, 2007 10:54 am

chicken993 wrote:Before I make MY opinion I would love to hear it first!

You mean it doesn't automatically play in the browser when you click the link and his Myspace page loads?
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Postby nailz » Sun Feb 11, 2007 11:06 am

genestarwind21122 wrote:Shows you how blind you are to not understand the true meaning of the song. :roll: There is obviously more to the lyrics than meets the eye.


OR, it shows what a terrible job you did to convey the "true meaning" of the song. Don't play that horse shit game with me. You asked for an opinion, don't get snotty when that opinion isn't praise and glory when you put out garbage.
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Postby Jebadia » Sun Feb 11, 2007 4:16 pm

nailz wrote:
genestarwind21122 wrote:Shows you how blind you are to not understand the true meaning of the song. :roll: There is obviously more to the lyrics than meets the eye.


OR, it shows what a terrible job you did to convey the "true meaning" of the song. Don't play that horse shit game with me. You asked for an opinion, don't get snotty when that opinion isn't praise and glory when you put out garbage.


You know, I haven't listened to the song, but just reading the lyrics, it's like it's the words to a song that'd be used in a Rocky montage.
"If you believe in yourself, eat all your school, stay on milk, drink your teeth, don't do sleep, and get your eight hours of drugs, you can get WORK!"
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Postby Flint the Dwarf » Sun Feb 11, 2007 4:21 pm

I would like to add a verse if I may

*ahem*

But it ain't about how hard you hit
it is about how hard
you can get hit and keep moving forward
how much can you take and
keep moving forward
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Postby Psygnius » Sun Feb 11, 2007 5:47 pm

My Opinion: I do agree with a lot of the other statements mentioned.

The beginning, "There comes a time.....Or be the hunted.", the voice is either synthesized or there is a group saying it together. Either way, it sounds like a group saying it together. I think it would have more impact if only one voice (with a reverb or echo) can be heard instead of multiple voices, and also, it would sound a bit better if the voice starts one measure earlier instead of where it currently is.

The vocalist sounds like he used influences from System of the Down, and possibly either Rob Zombie or Stone Temple Pilots. Not too shabby.

Either the lyrics need some work, or the singing melody may need some adjustments. The syllable count on some of those verses are definitely off, and doesn't fit the general 16-measure music standard much.

The ending, referring to the fade-out. That's not a good way to end the song. The band can show some creativity in this area. A fade-out says "we're too lazy to make a good ending rift". Make the song stand out at the end. For example, mellow out the instruments to only a guitar rift, and then repeat the lone voice saying "Are you going to be hunt, or be the hunted", with an echo trailing it.

Overall, the piece can use some touchups, but not the worst thing I've ever heard. This piece, you can definitely tell that it wasn't a professional production.

Hopefully this critique helps you with your future releases, and I hope this can help the lyricist improve his or her future releases.
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Postby Yofe » Tue Feb 13, 2007 9:19 pm

i havent hear the song... but the comments of the others only hive me a image of a "bad created homunculus mutilated with arrows by the crow"... omg... dudes, you dont have compassion...
(exepct Psygnius and his constructive critic)

in think in some way, its ok... you learn from your errors (and in this case, you lear from your horrendous errors...)
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Postby nailz » Wed Feb 14, 2007 12:18 am

Yofe wrote:.. omg... dudes, you dont have compassion...(exepct Psygnius and his constructive critic)


Let me know what you think about the lyrics themselves and then the actual song as a whole.


I don't recall being asked for constructive critizism in the post. I was asked to post what I thought, I posted what I thought. Why should I sugar coat my opinion to bolster the ego of a lyricist and a band that I do not believe deserve it? Why is it MY job to make sure ego's don't get bruised? You don't want to hear the truth, specify that you only want to hear from people who enjoyed whatever it is you're peddling. Otherwise, be prepared for people who do not like everything you do.
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Postby genestarwind21122 » Wed Feb 14, 2007 12:37 am

Well Nailz is entitled to his opinion he doesn't speak for everybody here on the forum nor do the people that have posted here either. If they want to bash me they can. The people that want to give constructive feedback will. The others that want to enjoy music that has been produced by a local band and a fellow creator will enjoy it. I feel that I have accomplished something that few creators have done and not too many would consider doing. I think the next song will be a lot better for I have found a new lead singer and that'll be a project in 2008.
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