PSME, dont steal this

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PSME, dont steal this

Postby Vale » Fri May 09, 2003 8:56 pm

i am a bored berson who writes songs during school. My usual ego booster just moved away. I begin to feel futile. So what do you think of this.

wake up, i say wake up, what i wouldnt give, just to be with you, to feel you breathe, to feel my love with your every breath/ i've listened to everything youve said, and i want you to say it again, another day, another dat, before i say, another day, another day since i said, hold my hand hold, my hand, hold my hand, may all my feelings be awkward now, just say its ok, say its ok, dont walk away, dont walk away, i say just dont walk away, we can runaway from this place/ but i would never leave, to do anything i said, but you tempt me to do everything i said, why do your eyes, stop me from doing anything i said, but i cant just not, do anything at all/ now its time to see, if all inihbitions are false, but the fact that i, camt choke out all the words, may be a sign that i should stop now, but its too late, so rejection is now, i walk away, i walk away, with that apathetic look on my face, seflishly, empthy is beyond me now, another day, another day, befor i will feel the same, another day, another day since i forgot her name.

by the way, / are breaks in the song

your opinon, (especialy girls, im planing to show it to a girl i like).
thanks alot.
im sorry, i retrect the last statment.
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Joined: 02 Jan 2003

Postby Vale » Fri May 09, 2003 9:06 pm

god damnit, on the last line its "since i forgot your name"
im sorry, i retrect the last statment.
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Postby Lone Wolf » Fri May 09, 2003 9:21 pm

It'd be a lot easier to understand the rhyme scheme (if there is one) if you seperated the song on to different lines. For example:

verse 1 line 1
verse 1 line 2
etc.
(SPACE)
verse 2 line 1
verse 2 line 2
etc.
(SPACE)

I think the lyrics are very interesting, though. Good job. :D
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Postby nailz » Fri May 09, 2003 10:01 pm

it sucks.
Ploink! Magic Cupcake! <a href="http://www.elvenking.net">Elvenking</a>. I'm sorry, I can't hear you over how awesome I am.
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Re: PSME, dont steal this

Postby Vale » Fri May 09, 2003 11:01 pm

wake up
i say wake up

what i wouldnt give
just to be with you

to feel you breathe
to feel my love
with your every breath

/

i've listened to everything youve said
and i want you to say it again

another day
another day,
before i say

another day
another day
since i said

hold my hand
hold my hand
hold my hand

may all my feelings be
awkward now

just say its ok
say its ok

dont walk away
dont walk away
i say just dont walk away
we can runaway
from this place

/

but i would never leave
to do anything i said

but you tempt me to do
everything i said

why do your eyes
stop me
from doing anything i said

but i cant just not
do anything at all

/

now its time to see
if all inihbitions are false

but the fact that i
camt choke out all the words

may be a sign
that i should stop now

but its too late
so rejection is now

i walk away
i walk away
with that apathetic look on my face

seflishly
empthy is beyond me now

another day
another day
befor i will feel the same

another day
another day
since i forgot your name.


i hope that makes some more sense, i also have a scheme but its just in my head and i dont feel like humming to a computer for no reason. Its sort of a high school band punk love song feel. And nailz, if you come back can you tell me how it sucked, it could help me with my writing.
im sorry, i retrect the last statment.
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Postby Lyrs » Sat May 10, 2003 1:26 pm

wow...now if only the melody that keeps coming up in my mind isn't all rock, then i think that it'll be okay.

/emd
GeneshaSeal - Dead Seals for Free
Orgasm - It's a Science
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Postby FirestormXIII » Sat May 10, 2003 10:52 pm

Lyrs wrote:wow...now if only the melody that keeps coming up in my mind isn't all rock...

Heh, you too?
Everyone is not the same as you.
Get over it.
And lighten up.
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Location: Cherry Hill, NJ


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