The Vent Thread

[Jadecavy]

Fuck OSAP.

[ZephyrStar]

Cancer fucking sucks.
Just don't get too down on yourselves, a lot of people are the same way with stuff like this. I just don't initially experience the feelings I think I sometimes should and I feel guilty or like a jerk instead. My grandmother died a little over a year ago, and it's taken that long for it to sort of catch up and hit me. Just be there for the people that need you, best you can do.

[MycathatesyouAMV]

well we just found out a close relative of ours has cancer and our house has been in mad chaos, I mean it's not at a deadly stage and they caught it somewhat early but of course my mother is freaking out and she has a right too. but also I kinda feel bad for not feeling AS sad as I should be if that makes sense. like of course I'm concerned and everything but I dunno I'm more frustrated than anything and don't feel like doing anything

I know exactly how you feel. Since I suffer from depression and go on streaks that I just feel completely dead inside, I've had instances of something bad happening to someone else I care about, but I would not react as highly as I would expect or should. Sometimes to the point of no emotional response. This would make me feel guilty and would kind of make me think "What the heck is wrong with me".

[Otohiko]

Aw, sorry to hear that chit ;__;

With the family reaction, you have to balance - people freaking out is not good, but family who remain largely silent or unemotional about it are also not really helpful. My family has always been the opposite way, including when my cousin that I grew up with got cancer, and I can't say that it's the best way of dealing with it either. When everybody is completely calm and only talks about it in a very matter-of-fact way and then drops the issue altogether, it can get really isolating, because even if you're really sad you have to keep up the act and don't really have an opportunity to be emotional about it. Looking back, I'd rather my family had an emotional reaction, but even to really terrible things, they never did. In the long run, it made things much worse.

[Miaka999]

chit, my condolences.

It hurts when you receive news like that, especially when it hits home, and family members. It really affects everyone, not just that one person that has it. Everyone has a different way of expressing pain and concern. Don't feel bad for not feeling as sad as you think you should feel. Obviously you are feeling something and as long as you are aware of those feelings, at that moment, if you do not know how to express it, then write them down or do something that helps you manage it or deal with whatever frustration or feeling you have, whether it is hitting your pillow, crying it out...anything. Feeling nothing and empty and having no emotional response is a feeling and it is something that certain people express when receiving news of this magnitude. It is frustrating somewhat because you might not know what to do. Just be aware that it is alright for you to feel that way, because really, there is no perfect way of expressing feelings, especially that of cancer. No one knows how to perfectly manage the news. Personally, what i do that helped me when I received news of a family member who was deathly ill, was to just simply be there for that person. Your presence or words or even a card is all it takes for them to know that they are not alone. They need to feel that they are not alone. What it really boils down to is empathy. What if you received the news that you have cancer? How would you feel? How would you want others to treat you? Ask yourself those questions. Put yourself in their shoes.

[MycathatesyouAMV]

I've made alot of awesome friends through amvs and some that I've even gotten to meet and enjoy time with in real life. But alot of the times and especially lately, I'm just really paranoid and feel like I'm just a bother to everyone. It's frustrating because I don't want to make those people feel like I don't trust them or think badly of them, I just have a history of low self-esteem and feeling like I'm unwanted by everyone. Mainly in general, but due to me being completely silent at my new college and all of my local/highschool friends being back home, my editor friends are the ones I currently have the most social interactions with. I just wish I had a better perspective of what people thought of me and that I didn't have to feel so paranoid about myself all the time.

[MycathatesyouAMV]

I've made alot of awesome friends through amvs and some that I've even gotten to meet and enjoy time with in real life. But alot of the times and especially lately, I'm just really paranoid and feel like I'm just a bother to everyone. It's frustrating because I don't want to make those people feel like I don't trust them or think badly of them, I just have a history of low self-esteem and feeling like I'm unwanted by everyone. Mainly in general, but due to me being completely silent at my new college and all of my local/highschool friends being back home, my editor friends are the ones I currently have the most social interactions with. I just wish I had a better perspective of what people thought of me and that I didn't have to feel so paranoid about myself all the time.

Following up on this, my life has just been a bit downhill as of lately. So I'm struggling with a ton of shit and this is just one of the many things on my mind I felt like venting about it. Sometimes I wish I had the guts to ask people if I was doing something wrong, but I dont want to feel like a huge drag to them and create an awkward situation out of it. So it's like this back and fourth struggle in my head where I'm afraid of what my friends think of me, but I'm also always afraid to talk to them about certain things, which leads to me feeling guilty about myself because I feel like I'm not treating my friends with enough trust.

[Jadecavy]

My worst fear came true and it hurts.

[Miaka999]

mycathatesyouAMV i had feelings like the ones you described back in high school. I was bullied a lot in a severe way but that is besides the point. You should not feel like a drag to others and don't be afraid of what your friends think of you. Your true friends should know enough that you should not feel like a drag to them. There is nothing wrong in saying how you feel about certain things no matter how awkward it may be or sound like. I used to feel afraid about what I said to my friends and avoided talking to them about things that I really wanted to talk about, that concerned and mattered to me. It was awful because I would get caught up in this cycle of frustration, of low self esteem, of thinking that people might see me as a fool. To avoid this mess of frustration and guilt just talk. Just talk to them and be upfront about it because it is better to let it out then to keeping it in. It hurts, it really hurts to keep things in when all I wanted was to talk to friends who see you for what you are worth and don't care about anything else other than your true feelings and value your friendship. There will come a point where you should not care how or what others think of you. At the end of the day, you are a valuable person and you should feel like that, never lower. If you live your life everyday, thinking what others have to say to you and what others think of you as important, then you are not living to the fullest. So talk to your friends and be open about your feelings. Don't be scared about seeming awkward or whatever. Who cares about that stuff? And if your friends think that your a drag or are awkward or stupid or you feel like they are putting all this burden and weight on your shoulders and making you feel guilty, then they are not your friends. Cut them out of your life and move on. True friends see you for everything that you are, whether your silly and weird, and accept it and never change you.

[Miaka999]

fuck i hate getting a charley horse!!!