JaddziaDax wrote:Thing is, to me as well, the theory does seem to come off really ridiculous when you apply it to everything and all situations. Sometimes it's not patriarchy to blame. Sometimes it's just lack of social skills.
Well, it's not always intentional, no. In fact, I'd say it's nearly never intentional. That what makes it so subtle and insidious. Although I definitely feel it's sort of... "in the air." It's institutionalised so it's in society's very structure. Being aware of it is a way of lessening its impact.
This is why I am not accusing people of being misogynists (with a few really obvious examples, but as aesling said in her very first post, assholes gonna be assholes, so this isn't about them). If anyone thinks I'm doing this, let me assure them, I most definitely am not doing this. I think (most) people are trying to be good, decent human beings. Doesn't mean they always succeed. I certainly don't. I fail all the time. As I've said before, I'm really not good with ableism. I've said some pretty terrible things. Am I an ableist? No, no I am not. Do I say ableist things? You bet I do. Should I? No, absolutely not.
It's not always the patriarchy to blame, but sometimes it actually is.
Honestly, folks, if I haven't convinced you by now, there's really no point to further discussion. I was absolutely ready to allow the thread to die before it was moved to General Discussion. I wasn't planning to reply again if it didn't get new replies, but it did.
I really am happy that this isn't an issue for many of you. I really am. I'm glad that you have found this community and the hobby to be safe and supportive. Not everyone has, and not everyone else is brave enough to speak up (in their own words, mind you). That's all I'm saying. I'm getting a lot of flak for this. I knew that was going to happen to a degree when I wrote it. I thought it was important enough to write and I still do. This was never supposed to be about me, and maybe people are confusing the message with the messenger.
That said, I actually do feel that I've been made really uncomfortable in the community and treated pretty badly, even if the original essay was not about me. This is one of the least
safest spaces for me for a variety of reasons. Which is a shame because of how long I've been a part of it. It's really too bad that there seems to be an institutionalised lack of awareness that I feel this way and several others feel this way, and as clearly evidenced by the reaction to this thread (both inside of it and outside of it) our voices simply don't count.
Because that's what I'm hearing. I don't count and I'm not welcome. And neither are those editors who do agree with me, many of whom only lurk now because of this.
This is my last post on the subject, but my PM box is always open. I encourage you to continue the discussion there.