I share your pain oto. Today this morning my dad had a mass heart attack while mowing the yard. I've been bawling like a baby all day (yes real men still cry). He was the best father a kid could ever ask for. Battled kidney failure, cancer, neuropathy, thyroid, and heart failure problems daily and still kept looking for a job and did work around the house. Had a pacemaker and a defibrillator put in. He was a good man. I'm not sure why I came here first. Just remembered a-m-v.org had a vent thread and I don't want to log onto facebook right now cause there are pictures of him and stuff. It's so rough to lose someone so close. I feel like I was taking what time I had left with him for granted. My faith is really shaky right now. I still don't understand why bad things have to happen to such good people.
Oh man, I'm glad to see you here, but certainly not glad to hear this - take your time and don't forget to cry. I was relieved that today I was able to. Previous times that I'd lost someone had been much worse because of the numbness that I'd forced myself into over those losses.
Your dad sounds like a trooper, and I know it's tough to lose him, but hang on to the pride that he rightly deserves over this. Tell people about him, but don't get obsessed over the loss, or its unfairness. It just doesn't go anywhere good.
With my grandfather, I knew this was coming for a bit, and it'd been nagging at the back of my mind for the last few days. There wasn't anything specifically wrong for a while, but I could sense it. He was someone who worked with his hands and was in great shape well into his 80s. I knew even from childhood that he was one of those people who was going to be in great health, and then one day he'd more or less just drop dead.
Didn't quite work out that way - it was close though. He started declining over the last couple of years, his eyes and ears started going, but was still soldiering on and planting his massive garden every year. This year he was really looking forward to doing it again, but when the time came, he realized he didn't have the strength, and kind of just snapped. He suddenly didn't have the strength to walk, cook, take care of himself, stopped eating and drinking, and his mind started clouding over. I wish to say that he just faded and didn't see the end coming, but from what I'm told, he spent much of his last couple of weeks crying and saying that he didn't want to die. It was only in the last hour of his life that he'd finally calmed down, and went to sleep peacefully.
I wouldn't dwell on this whole "good people, why do bad things happen" issue. My grandpa had his share of ghosts and skeletons in the closet. He also leaves behind a tricky and somewhat unfair inheritance issue. But I really just want to remember him as someone who's taught me a lot about life, love of nature, and love of one's neighbours, all things that I hold dear and will always have thanks to him.
Anyway, sorry, venting in perhaps too much detail there.
In a somewhat unrelated issue, with my mom gone to Russia for a couple of weeks, calling my dad today was also rather depressing. He literally can't function without her and is a complete wreck after just 10 days. And people wonder why I make such a big deal out of family and not being single, and shirk suggestions about independence and "finding my own meaning in life" and whatnot... with influences like this, it's honestly a miracle that I've survived to be as old as I am without anyone like that in my life. Sometimes I wonder just how long I'll last like this, if my dad, whom I still consider a role model and a stronger person than I, gets so pathetic, unproductive and outright whiny after just a few days alone without someone to rely on.
Anyway, enough of this depressing stuff.