The Vent Thread

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Re: The Vent Thread

Postby MystykAMV » Wed Jan 23, 2013 10:09 am

aww Code, I hope you'll feel better X_X though I can't suggest you anything since I haven't worked yet (I'm still studying), but the facts you mentioned seemed to make up for each others' losses whatever (hard to explain) xD so actually from my point of view they look the same, but being lonely is not good, I don't know for how long you have been working there, but maybe they are just not used to you yet? and I think gettin double payment and working less, you should be happy about that xD though it's important to feel that you did work enough for your salary.....well I know this probably doesn't help you, but if you need someone to talk to, I'm here :3

Kimberly: hahaha ohh youuu, just come to me already <3

Bashar: hope you will feel better soon ;_;
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Re: The Vent Thread

Postby Mkid » Wed Jan 23, 2013 10:15 am

CodeZTM wrote: A long comment(WHICH I READ!) about your new tax job

Im honestly so sorry to hear because you seemed so excited about it, but just give it more time before you can actually say your old job is better.Maybe you are just a little uneased because its a newer environment. you shouldn't feel awkward leaving an hour before everyone else. You did the work you have the right to get the hell outta there. there should be no shame in your game. Lol and i'm sure with more time some of the decent coworkers will realize youre a good guy and you can have that stereotypical talk about you're weekend by the water jog. Also congrats on that pay DOE :ying:
But just stay confident. do excellent work. and everything will be fine :up:
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Re: The Vent Thread

Postby BasharOfTheAges » Wed Jan 23, 2013 10:43 am

If your co-workers have some sort of say in whether you stay or not, unfortunately, you do have to care what they think.

Bad perceptions have cost me raises and made for a rather hostile work environment lately - its not fun.
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Re: The Vent Thread

Postby Radical_Yue » Wed Jan 23, 2013 11:31 am

Code.


Walk out one day with a sick ghetto blaster, turn it all the way to 11, and play "Rock You Like a Hurricane" on your way out. Even if it doesn't solve any problems, you will forever be a boss.
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Re: The Vent Thread

Postby meleechampion » Wed Jan 23, 2013 11:37 am

Anybody want to watch This Is Spinal Tap? I've never seen it.

Also, I'm going to have a spinal tap done.

Also, some doctors think I probably have multiple sclerosis. >.>
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Re: The Vent Thread

Postby Otohiko » Wed Jan 23, 2013 2:32 pm

D:

Shit bubby, let me know when, and i will stream Spinal Tap for everybody.
I hope it's not what they think it is, though!
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Re: The Vent Thread

Postby Radical_Yue » Wed Jan 23, 2013 4:40 pm

Otohiko wrote:D:

Shit bubby, let me know when, and i will stream Spinal Tap for everybody.
I hope it's not what they think it is, though!



Count me in for the Spinal Tap viewing!

And holy shit D: Sending positive thoughts your way!
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Re: The Vent Thread

Postby AimoAio » Wed Jan 23, 2013 4:54 pm

Spoiler :
I always thought I was a relatively strong person mentally. Except for the odd flip here and there at my family I generally never lost my composure or let my emotions affect my life but I feel like so much has happened in the past year or so and the accumlation of that is causing my mental health to slowly crack a little. I never used to do this but these days, I often find myself sitting, aimlessly staring into space just thinking. About what I'm doing with my life or about what I want to do in the future and I just don't know. I can't see it. I can't see where I'm going. I've tried making rough plans on paper but I always end up with nothing. The very thought of not knowing what I'll be doing in 2 years after I graduate from university terrifies me.

I'm not sure but if I were to guess the trigger for this, the cause is most likely my recent grades for a certain class. I'm not a genius or someone really smart for that matter but I've always prided myself in being able to get decently good grades when I tried hard. Not to sound arrogant or anything but I've always been getting relatively high scores between 70-90% though that number dropped to around 60-80% in university. Fine, I can accept that the work is getting harder as the years go by but I always knew if I were to actually try I could pick myself up from a bad grade so when I got my first 40% from a group project I was sad yeah, but not depressed because I knew I didn't try that time. It's when I found out I got 45% in the second group project for the same class despite actually trying hard that I finally realized that I was wrong and it scares me. To be honest, I've always been a bit of a slacker when it came to school work but for this second group project, I seriously tried my hardest. To the point where I would be up till about 3-4am each night just programming and then even when I went to sleep, I'd still be running code and solutions over in my head till 5-6am and it almost drove me crazy those few weeks. But even after all that hard work I put in, I still got such a bad mark. It really made me lose faith that I'll ever do well in this subject. And to think my overall mark last year for this subject was 81%, boy I've really gone downhill. By a lot.

Like it wasn't bad enough, this second semester we're put into groups again for ANOTHER group project for the SAME subject. I honestly just have no motivation to do well anymore so here I am sitting with another blank sheet of paper trying to write stupid specifications for a new project but failing to write even one word after an hour. To add to the pain, there's a group project for EVERY SINGLE ONE of my classes this semester, one subject actually has THREE GROUP PROJECTS, two presentations and an essay assignment. Seriously. And to top it all off, my family have been having their own problems too and I know I can't blame them for it but I really wish they'd think a little about my situation too. It really kills me when they ask me for help on something and I say no because I'm too busy trying to sort my own shit out and they give me this, "It's not as if I'm asking a lot of you. You're my daughter, I'm only asking for a little help, is it so unreasonable?" and the like.

I don't ask for much. I can handle my problems myself. If possible and I can do it myself, I rather not ask for help. I don't need you to fix my problems for me, heck I don't even need you to listen to me and share my worries. All I'm asking for is that you don't give me any more shit to deal with until I get my own sorted out. Is that too much?

I'm about to cry. Literally. Maybe that's what I actually need, a good cry. I haven't cried since my gran died last year. I wonder if the stress that's been piling up since then is causing me to be so depressed lately. I honestly just don't know what to do anymore.

I know posting this isn't going change anything but I'm hoping that by doing so, I'll be able to clear my head a little so when I read this tomorrow again, I'll realize what a dumb fool I was writing so much crap and pick myself back up again.
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Re: The Vent Thread

Postby aesling » Wed Jan 23, 2013 5:29 pm

meleechampion wrote:Anybody want to watch This Is Spinal Tap? I've never seen it.

Also, I'm going to have a spinal tap done.

Also, some doctors think I probably have multiple sclerosis. >.>


Holy shit, what!?! :shock:
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Re: The Vent Thread

Postby CodeZTM » Wed Jan 23, 2013 6:02 pm

Thanks guys. :)

@Melee: I am so sorry. :( My thoughts are with you.

@Aimo: Things WILL get better, I promise. :) Just take some time, get a deep breath of air, cry if you want do, and just take things slowly.
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Re: The Vent Thread

Postby Emong » Wed Jan 23, 2013 7:32 pm

@Aimo,

Grades don't necessarily reflect your skills or your hard work! There's also the issue of personal motivation. From what I've heard from you, you've been feeling like computer science isn't your thing afterall, right? It's only natural that if you need force yourself to study every time your grades will drop. Maybe you can turn this around and take it as a sign that this field doesn't really suit you nor does it really bring forth your potential?

And it's totally OK to let yourself break down and cry. It's also OK to argue with your family and refuse to feel guilty for putting your own issues in the first priority when you just need that. It's not right for your parents to put your care towards them on a test like that. They should give you some room when you need it.

As for the uncertainty about your future, that one I'm afraid I have nothing to say about. I can merely sympathize since I'm always anxious about my future as well. Perhaps, instead of trying to make concrete plans for the future, you could try to think about the things you already have? Not to remind yourself that you should be grateful for those things (that's a recipe for self-blame) but to provide yourself some sense of comfort? For example you're not going to get kicked out of your home right after you graduate, no? :wink:

I had no idea since you're always so cheerful on skype. I should have asked! Take care <3
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Re: The Vent Thread

Postby McDirty » Wed Jan 23, 2013 8:02 pm

Code.

Spoiler :
Sounds like exactly what I'm going through right now actually.

Previous job, I adored the people whom I worked with and my boss I considered my mentor and father in-law. I was also wearing many hats and I was doing something that I loved doing, which was directing, writing, producing, post-production, and editing. Basically I was a big fish in a little pond. But unfortunately, the pay was not enough for me to establish my life or career. So I ended up coming down here to California and behold, just like you said, making more money by doing less work. Not only less work, but work that's given to you by others who are uninterested in doing it themselves. Waiting around in your chair for the next person to come over with something they don't want to do for 12-16 hours every day really does eat at your soul and makes you question about your worth and potential. Especially if it's in a company that doesn't promise growth or expansion for your career. I know what you mean when others come to you (i.e. your parents) and tell you "OMG, YOU JUST DON'T KNOW HOW GOOD YOU HAVE IT!!!". Especially when we're living in a bad economic downturn with little jobs to come by. I mean, the job is full-time, the pay is adequate enough to give me rent every month, the benefits are all there, and I have security in my life. But it all comes down to one question. "What do I really want to do?"

Something you should probably consider Code, is to give yourself a time limit. Give your current work close to a year, maybe 7-12 months working there and save up as much money as you can. Save everything. Then, if things haven't improved, perhaps consider looking for something that puts you on a path to what your really want to do. You'll probably have to give up your current work then and work multiple part-time jobs to pay your rent while you pay your dues. Remember, security is great to have in life, but sacrificing your personal happiness for security I say is not a sacrifice worth making.


Cheers Code.
Sincerely,
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Re: The Vent Thread

Postby Radical_Yue » Wed Jan 23, 2013 8:41 pm

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:sorcerer:

That's all I gotta say.
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Re: The Vent Thread

Postby meleechampion » Wed Jan 23, 2013 8:55 pm

aesling wrote:Holy shit, what!?! :shock:

Yeah I know, there are actually quite a lot of classic movies I haven't seen. Oh.. oh you mean... oh of course, right. :D

Haha no... I'm trying not to get ahead of things and not to worry. The MRIs simply show signs that I have MS. Brain lesions that weren't illuminating on the scans or something like that, it was kinda hard to absorb information over the phone, safe to say I was (am?) a little shocked.

The spinal tap itself doesn't bother me nearly as much as it should, someone shoving a needle between two of my vertebrae to extract fluid from my spine... it's entertaining the possibility I have developed a chronic incurable progressive brain disease at the ripe old age of 25 that is getting to me.
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Re: The Vent Thread

Postby Kitsuner » Wed Jan 23, 2013 11:27 pm

Otohiko wrote:D:

Shit bubby, let me know when, and i will stream Spinal Tap for everybody.
I hope it's not what they think it is, though!

I'll tap that.
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