It's not a bad first video, but the flow was too monotonous. There's a lot of variety in the song; tempo changes, dynamics, etc. During softer portions of the song, the editing didn't really change all that much (for example, in your video: instead of fighting, we get the stand-off before the fight begins... it's OK, but a missed opportunity). So this didn't make your video particularly memorable, unfortunately. Furthermore, it was all just about the fight scenes. The song is ostensibly more dramatic in nature... if you'd focused a bit more on the main character's motivations (like "why's he doing this?") it would have improved the video.
For technical advice: be careful with speeding up footage with people talking in the clip, it looks goofy. On the same token, slowing down clips too much makes them look jerky and just bad, so don't do it. Lastly, more people will reply to your topic if you actually host your video on the org, rather than linking to YouTube.