aesling wrote:Hmmm, interesting. I think this has potential. However, the language used is a little lacking. The idea presented are very riveting, but I think sometimes you end up stating things too directly, and it takes some of the power out of the poem. You did really well with the part talking about baptism and burning on the cross; those were some powerful images. However, it seemed like much of the poem before that was merely a statement of facts. Put in some more imagery to evoke emotion in the reader. You don't have to be overly complicated with the words you use, but you want to bring many emotions and ideas forth with a poem, not just a few. Build up to the ideas you're trying to present, instead of just coming out and stating them immediately. All in all, I think it needs some polishing, but the ideas presented were very intriguing. Keep up the good work.
Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 23 guests