Mom Jokes

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Mom Jokes

Postby Beowulf » Tue May 11, 2010 8:17 am

Post all the lame jokes your parents tell you. I'll start with a favorite my mom has been throwing around since I was 5.

"Where did Napoleon hide his armies?"
....
"In his sleevies!"
:awesome:
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Re: Mom Jokes

Postby SQ » Tue May 11, 2010 11:38 am

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Re: Mom Jokes

Postby Zarxrax » Tue May 11, 2010 3:12 pm

Beowulf wrote:"Where did Napoleon hide his armies?"
....
"In his sleevies!"
:awesome:

Well... I don't think I can beat that :|
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Re: Mom Jokes

Postby Athena » Tue May 11, 2010 6:34 pm

Well, before he passed away, my dad used to, without fail say this:

"Daniel, would you watch my purse," my mom.

"Why, is it going to do tricks?" him.

I remember thinking it was completely hilarious at the time. Granted, I was also four.
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Re: Mom Jokes

Postby Prodigi » Tue May 11, 2010 10:09 pm

My parents told me this story:

My parents had just started dating. They'd been together for a few months. My mom decided to go to my dad's place and cook him something as a suprise for when he got back from work. She made scones. He ended up being quite late back so by the time he got home the scones had gone pretty cold and hard.

His first words when picking one of them up: "Christ, this thing could kill a dog at 10 paces".

And so began their dysfunctional relationship.

Does that count?
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Re: Mom Jokes

Postby surfsama » Wed May 12, 2010 7:00 pm

Prodigi wrote:My parents told me this story:

My parents had just started dating. They'd been together for a few months. My mom decided to go to my dad's place and cook him something as a suprise for when he got back from work. She made scones. He ended up being quite late back so by the time he got home the scones had gone pretty cold and hard.

His first words when picking one of them up: "Christ, this thing could kill a dog at 10 paces".

And so began their dysfunctional relationship.

Does that count?


Oh god, whether it counts or not I almost ruined a perfectly good monitor from the coffee spray...
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Re: Mom Jokes

Postby Prodigi » Wed May 12, 2010 10:05 pm

surfsama wrote:
Prodigi wrote:My parents told me this story:

My parents had just started dating. They'd been together for a few months. My mom decided to go to my dad's place and cook him something as a suprise for when he got back from work. She made scones. He ended up being quite late back so by the time he got home the scones had gone pretty cold and hard.

His first words when picking one of them up: "Christ, this thing could kill a dog at 10 paces".

And so began their dysfunctional relationship.

Does that count?


Oh god, whether it counts or not I almost ruined a perfectly good monitor from the coffee spray...

There's also the stripper at the wedding reception, but that's a whole other story.
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Re: Mom Jokes

Postby RolltheStampede » Thu Jun 10, 2010 5:07 pm

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Re: Mom Jokes

Postby JaddziaDax » Fri Jun 11, 2010 12:17 pm

My dad once told me that Aspirin is the best kind of birth control

"tell her to stick it between her knees and keep it there"

I don't think that will work if someone is determined :/
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Re: Mom Jokes

Postby CastielTheFallen » Fri Jun 11, 2010 5:58 pm

My dad never ceases to tell this joke every Halloween...

"Why couldn't the witch get pregnant?

'CAUSE HER HUSBAND HAD A HOLLOWEINER"

...It was sorta funny the first time.
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Re: Mom Jokes

Postby Ileia » Fri Jun 11, 2010 6:02 pm

I find that the older people I know tell fairly dirty jokes, especially managers that I've had who are in their 60's. Such as:

Why don't witches wear panties?
Better grip on the broom.

What do you call a hooker with a runny nose?
Full.
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Re: Mom Jokes

Postby CastielTheFallen » Fri Jun 11, 2010 6:03 pm

Ileia wrote:What do you call a hooker with a runny nose?
Full.

Fucking genius.
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Re: Mom Jokes

Postby Beowulf » Mon Jun 14, 2010 2:27 pm

Ileia wrote:What do you call a hooker with a runny nose?
Full.


rofl, what an image :rofl:
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Re: Mom Jokes

Postby guy07 » Fri Jul 09, 2010 3:33 pm

"You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your family... or your friends nose."
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